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As much fun as getting stabbed is, only more painful.
I know it's always a bad sign, these days, to see Michael Madsen starring a movie. Even though he has been - and perhaps in some ways still is - a decent actor, he's been making a lot of bad B-movies lately and surprisingly, this is even worse than BloodRayne. He has come far from the days of Reservoir Dogs and both Kill Bills, but apparently lacking the sense of staying far enough from movies like this.
First of all, this movie has an identity problem. It's like a compilation of all those clichés you have seen in about every other movie, but only worse. The movie begins like any other cheap scifi horror flick, where people are tested against their will by the US Army and some ketchup gets sprayed on the walls as your regular monster gets loose for a moment. Then we go into a teen comedy, where four teens act like they do in every other teen movie, all so rebellious. Since these teens are all scum, yet in different ways, they get the privilege to carry on for the rest of the movie. They hate each other and the army, then they hate a bit more, after the evil experiments they get away, get couple of totally incompetent guards beaten up, and then they bond and fight each other, while those same incompetent guards get killed by the monster from the intro sequence, losing their heads and faces, while Mr Madsen tries to figure out what to do with the old, crazy nazi and the lovely nurse. Luckily all three get killed by the monster. In the end there is supposed to be an explosion, but since the budget was pretty close to twenty bucks in the beginning, there's not even any cheap CGI in the movie, but just a flash with couple of booms. Oh, forgot to mention about that one girl, who got shot in her forehead.
This movie lacks all the logic and even all the suspension, as you can only watch with your jaws open and wonder if you are supposed to be laughing at or just frightened about all those horrible things you see on the screen. Yes, the acting is horrible, the properties seem to be made by a six-year old Chinese, and since there is no script, I can't see why there was an add-on romance in this movie. Maybe it was an accident.
To make it short, if you want to spend some time doing something totally useless, watch this film. It will make you feel better about your real life, as escapism this bad is surely worse than anything one could ever face in the real world.
Some good reasons to watch the show.
There are actually some good reasons, why a person should take the risk of going totally insane by watching this show. The breasts are nice, even though some of them aren't that real, but they usually come in pairs, which is good. Watching the beach on your screen is also a very relaxing experience, as it is an ideal place for just taking it easy and not worrying too much about getting eaten by a rubber shark. It's always good to remember, that David Hasselhoff is a god. Not the god, but a god. It's not so much about his acting skills, since there are none, but his chesthair does a lot of talking. Also, there's no KITT hanging out in this series, which is good, since Mr Hasselhoff told in an interview, that he always thought KITT was gay. Naturally that might make him to look like an idiot, but considering the other statements he has made lately, it shouldn't be surprising to anyone.
In a nutshell, this is the kind of show, that is totally harmless to people. It gives us a lot to stare at and a lot to laugh at, which is something many intentionally humoristic shows really don't give us. I have to say, it's no wonder that Borat fell in love with Pamela Anderson. I enjoy watching the show. No, it's not a great show, actually it's quite horrible, but I enjoy watching it. It's basically like a B-movie stretched to last for a decade.