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16 reviews in total 
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0 out of 5 people found the following review useful:
Not the worst I've seen, 29 January 2003

This movie wasn't the best I've seen, but it certainly was not the worst (Armstrong was MUCH worse). The basic plot was interesting and somewhat plausible. Corrupt (not mad) scientist Dr. Edmund Wellington (Lynch) has created a device that will cause people to become highly aggressive and kill others. A perfect plan when you're talking about soldiers during wartime. This device makes them the ultimate killing machine. And the added bonus? The soldiers will self destruct afterwards.

But something goes wrong with the self destruction part and the military, whom Wellington has been courting to buy his weapon, get cold feet. Then they decide to pull funding and scrub the project which causes Wellington to retaliate. Add to this mix Frank Stallone and his crew who are trying to stop the project from finishing and you've got the basic plot of ANY `direct-to-video' flick.

The camera work IS jerky and causes one to wonder what is really happening as you can't keep track of the action. That directorial move was a bad one. The acting wasn't bad, even Stallone was `okay', but the overall plot was a pretty thin one. The director, I think, was counting on the action sequences to make up for the lack of plot but as I said earlier, the camera movements made those action sequences difficult to watch.

It should be noted however that some comic relief was offered with the role of Senator Williams, played by Lynch's younger brother Barry. The senator was basically a horny `good old boy' who was after everything in a skirt. His scenes with his brother were pretty amusing too. Best line? Wellington to Williams when Williams says that he needs to `go over the figures' (in the proposal) again. He is actually wolfishly eyeing one of the babes in the movie when he says this and Wellington replies, `Oh, talk to her. She's got a firm GRASP on the situation!' One wonders how many jokes the brothers got out of that one at the next family gathering. :)

3 out of 3 people found the following review useful:
Not the worst B-movie action flick I've seen, 29 January 2003

When I first heard this movie was being made, and that Randolph Mantooth was in it, I couldn't wait to see it. Then when I learned another favorite, Richard Lynch, was in it as well, the search was on and after much searching in various video stores I finally found it.

Mantooth's portrayal of an angry, Russian-like character was superb, his acting always is whether playing a good-guy (his usual role) or a baddie. However, his accent was less than impressive, even Mantooth admitted in interviews he was never happy with it. But this does not take away from his obvious talents as the evil Solansky who wants to cause a political coup in a small `Eastern block' country.

Lynch is always fun to watch and never disappoints either, especially when playing the baddie. I especially like the scene where he punches C. Thomas Howell in the face, while holding a rather impressive looking handgun in the same hand -- ouch!

C. Thomas Howell did a good job, but his partner was horrible! Who told that woman she could act!? Think she was merely `window dressing'. The rest of the cast were `okay', not the worst I've seen, but not the best either. Clearly the standouts in this cast were Mantooth, Lynch and Howell.

Armstrong (1998)
2 out of 4 people found the following review useful:
Quite possibly one of the WORST flicks ever made! (MINOR SPOILERS!), 29 January 2003

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

It should be pretty obvious from other reviews I've done that I enjoy the work of an actor named Richard Lynch. As such, I rented this horrible little film thinking I'd at least get to see one of my favorite actors in yet another role. Oh the things a fan will do!

This movie had a few decent actors in it, the aforementioned Lynch, Joe Lara and Charles Napier, but the rest must have been dragged off the street with promises of fame and glory. It's obvious to even the most obtuse person that this film was so bad it should have been buried in a sealed vault, never to be viewed by upright walking homosapiens.

The premise is interesting enough -- American hero Rod Armstrong, (Frank Zagarino-in the worst performance in this movie) goes to Russia to freelance his security skills in this `no-nukes' era. A close friend of his (Napier) comes to Russia to warn him that some slimy Soviets are not obeying the order to disarm the nukes. He's killed of course by an American mafia type (Joe Lara) and Armstrong becomes the next target.

The movie plods painfully along until the predictable end -- all the bad guys being killed in B movie fashion. This movie would have been better as a one hour episode of a show like `24' or the like. At least we wouldn't have had to suffer through the whole 90 minutes!

The only scene worth mentioning is a rather funny scene in a whorehouse where Lynch's character drunkenly cavorts with several prostitutes. The rest should have ended up on the cutting room floor!

Under Oath (1997)
3 out of 3 people found the following review useful:
Simply a good movie (*SOME SPOILERS*), 29 January 2003

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

I don't believe that this movie got a wide release or a lot of publicity. It's the kind of film that usually finds it's audience on video. That said, I enjoyed this movie, a lot. It had everything you'd want from a simple little cop thriller, hot guys, intriguing plot with several twists and lots of gun play.

The story revolves around two cops, played by Jack Scalia and Eddie Valez, who are less than thrilled that their promised raise has been nixed by city hall. Grousing about how the bad guys always have cash and they never do, they decide to get in on their action. They plot to sell some guns they've recovered in a bust by stealing them from the police property room and doing a deal with a local gun runner.

What they don't know is the gun runner is really an ATF officer and when they discover this, they take off, with the officer as their hostage. Things go from bad to worse when, while struggling over a handgun, the ATF officer is killed. But things start to look up for the partners when their captain assigns them to the case! They decide to make all the evidence against them disappear, but as they try to cover their tracks, other ATF officers, bent on revenge, tighten the noose around their necks.

The acting in this was great, not one actor did a bad job, even the Huggy Bear want-to-be was good. Scalia was at the top of his game as the tougher of the two cops while Valez elicits sympathy from the audience in his guilt ridden actions. It was interesting to see Richard Lynch play a good guy as he RARELY gets that opportunity. He was very convincing as Saltarelli, the boss of the ATF cops. Nice to know he can play a good guy as well as he can play his bad guy psycho roles.

Won't spoil the ending for you but it's one of the best!

Carrie (2002) (TV)
1 out of 2 people found the following review useful:
If it ain't broke, don't fix it!, 7 November 2002

*** This review may contain spoilers ***


As remakes of great originals go, this wasn't as bad as it could have been. Usually when people in Hollywood feel the need to make a newer version of a classic they do it so badly one can't see it through to the end. That wasn't quite the case here, but almost.

I thought the casting was alright overall, although Patricia Clarkeson, who I do like and think is a good actor, fell flat as Margaret White. But then, in all fairness to Ms. Clarkeson, she did have some BIG shoes to fill, as Piper Laurie was the bomb in the original with her `over-the-top' portrayal of the irrational religious zealot.

I agree with what others have said regarding the character of Sue Snell and the actor who played her. Sue was FAR too well adjusted to the tragedy of the deaths of all her classmates, not to mention her boyfriend, only two weeks prior to her police interrogation. And although I liked that they made her African American, very new millennium-particularly with a white boyfriend, she did look like a black version of Amy Irving with that kinked hair.

I too was confused by the meteor storm, what the hell was that anyway? A flashback or fantasy on Carrie's part? I liked Rena Sofer in the role of the gym teacher, way less `butch' than Betty Buckley's character. But I'm still not sure how she survived the prom massacre. And how about that annoying senior class president, do you wish she'd perished as much as I do?

I also felt the scene at the slaughterhouse was more graphic than it needed to be. We all know they killed a pig to get the blood, but did we have to hear the poor animal in agony? Although the look on Billy's face just before he does it is very demonic and evil looking. I guess you'd have to be pretty evil to kill an innocent, defenseless animal. But I won't get onto that track here. One thing that really bugs me, as it did in the original, is wouldn't the blood coagulate overnight in a bucket? It seemed, in both movies, to be a little TOO liquefied to be realistic.

The police station scenes were ridiculous and not necessary, not to mention sleep inducing. I like David Keith, but his part should have hit the cutting room floor. I did however thoroughly enjoy the scene with Chris's dad when he threatens to sue the school if his little princess can't attend the prom. The way the principal turned the tables on him was awesome!

Lastly, (MAJOR SPOILER!), the fact that Carrie is still alive at the end is, quite frankly, bull ca-ca! I hated the fact that the house was still standing too. For me, probably *the* best scene in the original is the nightmare Sue has when she's visiting the site where the house stood and Carrie reaches up from the grave to pull her down to hell with her. To see them change that to a *very* comfortable Sue driving her to Florida was very disappointing!

Overall, not TOO bad for a remake, but not something I'll ever watch again. It just wasn't as creepy as the first one and lacked the eerie music and lighting as well. I must say I was tickled pink that the original was on TNT last night, gave me a chance to cleanse my pallet.

2 out of 3 people found the following review useful:
LAME!, 7 August 2002

In a word-LAME! Biggest waste of time, I feel like suing MTV for those 90 minutes of my life back. Not only were the "roomates" weak caricatures of real Real World roomates, they were annoying and vapid. Did anyone else want to strangle Liz or what??! She was almost as bad as Heather Donahue from Blair Witch Project, ALMOST. I mean, if they'd at least been FUNNY I could give them a little credit. And everything seemed rushed in the beginning, then became painfully SLOW in the end. The guys weren't even that cute. The real Real Worlders who "guest starred", although I liked most of them in their seasons, were a painful thing to watch here. The IDEA of this movie was an interesting one, but unfortunately the script that was developed didn't do it justice. Watching this movie was like watching a train wreck, I knew that I should stop watching, but was strangely compelled to see it through. On a scale of 1-10, I give it a -5.

1 out of 3 people found the following review useful:
Best F*$#ing show on TV!, 26 April 2002

I must say that when I saw the promos for this show it looked *interesting*, but I thought SURELY I'd get bored after the first episode. Not true! This is the funniest darn show I've seen ever on TV, and that includes old favorites like Cheers, Frasier, Roseanne and Murphy Brown. Forget that it's the best show on cable, it's the best show on TV, period! And this from a 37 year old who should be ashamed of themself for watching something like this. :)

Funny, irreverant, rude, crude, disgusting (all the close-ups of the dog's poo). It's all of that, and more. I've never laughed as hard as I have over a family's problems like I have for the Osbournes champagne problems (Kelly losing Ozzy's gold card when she wasn't even supposed to have it, or throwing fruit and hams at their noisy next door neighbors). I also love the way Kelly went shopping in Beverly Hills with her mother wearing pink, fuzzy slippers. Only in Hollywood.

Then of course there was the episode where Ozzy is absolutely AGHAST that Sharon wants to use bubbles in his stage show. ("Bubbles! Oh come on Sharon! I'm Ozzy f*%$ing Osbourne! The prince of f*&$ing darkness man! I won't do it!"). Ozzy seems to bumble through every situation while Sharon lays down the law. That episode where he keeps wanting to leave when they are busting the kids for smoking pot and having fake ID's comes immediatley to mind.

This is reality television at it's best. Forget Survivor, Temptaion Island, Fear Factor and The Real World. Forget Must See TV on NBC on Thursdays, now it's Must See TV on MTV at 10:30 on Tuesdays. This is the new milenium of reality television! Watch this show! You'll be awfully glad you did.

16 out of 19 people found the following review useful:
FBI agent stumbles upon Soviet spies while interviewing Air Force Academy hopeful., 29 January 2002

The fact that the basic plot of this movie is ridiculous fails to ruin it. FBI agent Roy Parmenter (Sidney Poitier) is interviewing Jeff Grant (River Phoenix) for his possible entrance into the Air Force Academy. While reviewing Grant's file he discovers that his parents Richard (Richard Jenkins) and Elizabeth (Caroline Kava) are not who they seem to be. They turn out to be dormant Soviet spies, `sleepers', who have come to the United States and started a life with their son, who has no idea they are spies.

I won't even go into how silly it is the way Parmenter discovers this, as if computers REALLY work that way. Suffice it to say, when he finally tells an incredulous Jeff about his parents, several other sleepers have already been murdered by renegade double agent Scuba (Richard Lynch). Scuba wants money from the KGB and if he doesn't get it, he will kill every sleeper on his list, the Grants included. The former boss to all these agents is Constantine (Richard Bradford), who is sent to San Diego to collect Scuba and take him back to Russia for punishment.

Scuba is finally captured, by Parmenter, whose partner was murdered by Scuba some 20 years prior, so he has a personal reason for wanting Scuba too. The aforementioned characters wind up on the trolley going towards the Mexican border and an exchange between Parmenter and Constantine, who has abducted Jeff, occurs. However, once at the border, Scuba makes a run for it and all hell breaks loose.

As I said earlier, as implausible as the plot is, the movie is actually quite enjoyable and somehow suspenseful. While you may find yourself rolling your eyes at certain points, you'll also find yourself chuckling at some of the dialog and situations the characters find themselves in. Loretta Devine, as Jeff's teacher Verna McLaughlin, is hilarious in the scene where she is caught in bed with Parmenter by Jeff. `No problem,' she says when Parmenter apologizes, `I'll just go topless for the whole student body!'

Despite the fact that Scuba is the ultimate enemy I found myself cheering him on because Lynch is such a powerful actor. You want to see him on the screen more, no matter what he's doing. The fact that he's not in the film enough is my only other complaint about it.

Sizzle (1981) (TV)
3 out of 3 people found the following review useful:
Small town girl moves to big city and becomes a torch singer., 29 January 2002

This is basically the plot of this inoffensive made-for-TV movie starring Loni Anderson, the aforementioned small town girl, as Julie Davis, Leslie Uggams as Vonda, who befriends Julie, Michael Goodwin as Julie's boyfriend Danny Clark, John Forsythe as mob boss Mike Callahan, Richard Lynch as his Lieutenant, Johnny O'Brien and Roy Thinnes as the fed trying to bust them all.

Danny Clark returns to said small town to get Julie and take her to Chicago. Did I mention that their transportation is a truck full of bootleg whiskey that Clark is driving for Callahan? Once in Chicago the warehouse where the whiskey is being stored is `hit' by a rival gang, but Clark still wants his pay since he did his job of delivering it. He and Julie head over to Callahan's speakeasy to collect and Callahan is so impressed by his `moxy', he hires him and puts him in the capable hands of O'Brien for training.

Plot is a little thin, but what can one expect from an Aaron Spelling production? It screams Spelling, right down to the `Love Boat' kisses. But still it wasn't bad. The movie plods along a tad too slowly and the inevitable happens, Julie ends up being passed around amongst the men, plus the ending is predictable. But the music, costumes and acting more than make up for it and in the end we see a much stronger, wiser Julie emerge from all the carnage around her. This is a good movie to watch on a rainy Saturday afternoon while ironing.

Steel (1979)
8 out of 10 people found the following review useful:
Building under construction only has one chance to be completed, a collection of elite steel workers., 29 January 2002

Big Lew Cassidy (George Kennedy) is in a race against time, and the bank, to complete his latest building. But a tragic accident makes the likelihood of building completion seem impossible. Cassidy's daughter Cass (Jennifer O'Neill), with the help of Pignose Moran (Art Carney), assembles the `dream team' of steel workers to help her finish off the building.

Mike Catton (Lee Majors) leads the rag-tag bunch of hardhats in a race with the bank. On the crew are Harry Doyle (Redmond Gleeson), an ex-IRA bomber who Catton helped get into the steel workers union, Dancer (Richard Lynch) who is likable enough but has that all appealing `edge'-- or as Catton puts it, `He's the meanest b**tard that ever lived', Cherokee (Robert Tessier) who claims he's not afraid of Custer, Tank (Albert Salmi) who runs the big crane and has a warped sense of humor and Valentino (Terry Kiser), the `lover' of the group. Basically this group mirrors the more comic bunch from CARWASH, although this movie is a drama, not a comedy.

An interesting little subplot to this movie is the fact that Catton, after witnessing the death of several co-workers from a fall off a building, is now afraid of heights and in fact had retired from iron work to become a big-rig driver.

Everyone does a fine job of acting, Majors is believable as the leader and O'Neill is a nice surprise as the boss's daughter and potential love interest for Majors. Kennedy always delights in whatever he does, whether as an aging steelworker or work-farm prisoner (COOL HAND LUKE) and Harris Yulin is great as his sleazy brother Eddie.

Kiser is hilarious with his over-active libido and Lynch has some engaging scenes, particularly his confrontation with Catton when he discovers his fear of heights. Lastly, Tessier is entertaining as the `big lug' Cherokee and Salmi's antics and pranks throughout the film will keep you happily entertained.

Though this film is in no danger of winning an Oscar, it is thoroughly entertaining and has a feel-good ending to it. You'll never look at a building under construction the same again after viewing this one!

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