Change Your Image
Upload An Image
Crop And Save
Make up your mind...
This film was weird, I'm pretty sure I was watching an uncut version as there were some pretty gory moments. However there were some rubbish deaths aswell. This film really couldn't make up its mind wether it was nasty or not. Everytime someone looked like they were gonna get a face ripped, throat torn out, or violated in some way, they would just be licked or pushed over unconvincingly. This made it even stranger when a woman had her breast cut off, and another had their eye gouged out, as these scenes were quite gory. Few people will ever better Fulci for Zombie films and Umberto Lenzi isn't one of them.
Embrace of the Vampire (1995)
Martin Krap and the worst ever vampire film
Gees he should have stuck to Eastenders, he was bad enough in the krays but in this he takes the biscuit. How Miss Milano could have this rat lookalike slobbering all over her is anyones guess. The plot could be written down on a post it note, as could most of the lines.
Your probably thinking, that you can put up with this to see some flesh, you'd be greatly mistaken. There is plenty of sex but you cant see much except Kemps arse, and what you do see is really horribly lit making it completely un-sexy.
Really I have to beg you to write to Mr Kemp and ask him to give up on acting and stick to eastenders.
Look at box before you read this...
What a great looking monster when its not moving and computerised to look menacing, shame that when it appears it made Plan 9 look convincing. Samantha Janus must have accepted alot of money for this rubbish, only redeeming feature is the space warrior woman. Watch and laugh and then cry when you realise its longer than 10 minutes.
Savage Beach (1989)
Check out the Ladies
Not a bad film, Im sadly quite a fan of Andy Sidaris so i thought this was Ok. When i say this, I dont mean you wanna go comparing to Citizen Kane or something. But if you like; poor acting (to point where its funny), top heavy women, and script writing of an all together different calliber, then this is for you. The highlight for me (other than the naked beach scene) was the japenese wild mans origin story. Only let down - no Julie Strain!!
Psycho Cop Returns (1993)
Obviously not as great as the first.
I dont think this film is quite as bad as everyone makes it out to be, I know its not as good as the original, for a start it has no Bruce Campbell. But the opening is good, and there is a nice eye gouging with a pencil. My favourite scene was the couple on the photocopier getting killed. But above all the best thing has to be - Julie Strain.
Xiao he shang chu ma (1972)
Those terrible voices
What a bizarre little film. What the story is really about or who the little kids are is not worth worrying about in this film. It is the amazing acrobatics that should entertain you through this movie. The scene where a drunk kid dances around a table with a bottle is pretty amazing as are the balancing acts. The only thing I must worn you about is the awful dubbing the kids sound like a group of drowning chickens and it soon becomes very irritating.Worth a look.