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Lost Highway (1997)
Muddled movie should be Lost Film
Come on guys (and girls) this is a muddled mess.
Let's see, How to Make a David Lynch Film.
First rip off parts of sound track from Koyaanisqatsi, Get Patricia Arquette nude and in Black bra and panties, yummy! Jar the camera and add psychedelic footage from the 60s. Copy bits of Lucky Number Slevin and Double Indemnity. Don't bother to edit. Make film long and boring.
At end of movie, audience members should say, "Thank God it's over". Lynch should stick with small independent films of say 20 minutes and emulate Kenneth Anger.
His daughter made a far more interesting, Surveillance.
If you watched Lost Highway several times you really need a life.
Go for Broke (2002)
Movie should be jailed, no probation
A poor attempt to try an make a comedy in the style of Two Wong Foo, Some Like it Hot, and others.
90% of the movie is two guys disguised as girls and being in a prison and the "drop the soap" type humor all too common in these type of movies.
The director/writer waste too much time on the 'girls in prison" malarkey. This does not move the plot forward and stalls in out in stupid 'situational' mishaps of being in prison.
Now, if the movie took a stab at Mad, Mad, Mad World type of humor and everyone hunting for the big W or the lottery ticket you might have something.
So, you need the guards, the 'girls', the warden, the infiltrators, in short everyone looking for the ticket. This can result in endless comic misunderstandings and foul ups.
Maybe next time.
Identity Thief (2013)
Two dorks don't make a movie
Have to agree with other posters on here as this movie tanks. Bateman plays such a loser, that you almost want to see his identity stolen to ruffle his upper middle class feathers. He plays such a loser how is ever married to Amanda Peet? Seems like he would have trouble tying on his shoe in the morning.
After Melissa sucker punches him in the neck, his response should have been to knock her out, tie her up and throw her in the basement, which hopefully has Freddy Kruger hanging around.
Imagine a nice guy trying to get his identity back from such a sleaze bag identity thief and to be nice about it. Staged scenes, non jokes, and a throat punching chick, all the ingredients for a tedious viewing.
Skip this movie even if it goes direct to thisTV at 3 am, which it will very soon.
Not even up to movie of the week cable standards. I did not get a bargain even though I saw it for free from my public library. I can't get my time back.
Melissa tho, was great in Bridesmaids. Current comedy movies really need an ensemble cast, such as Bridesmades as they can play off each other. The scene stealer was the wedding and the speakers each trying to top each other. Each scene in fact funnier than the one before.
Two person comedies seldom work, and even Steve Martin had to struggle through a few of his movies with an actress side kick.
From It's a Mad, Mad, Mad World through Airplane, though Scary Movie (s) an ensemble cast works best. Oh, and view Nothing But Trouble if you get a chance.
Wannabe Lifetime movie of a Taxi Driver
Luckily I had fast forward on this boring movie. I liked Surveillance, another Lynch movie, yet my friends did not like it, but I found the twists and turns intriguing. I gave Chained a 5 because the acting was good.
However, Chained boils down to 'abused kids turn out to be serial killers'. A perfect Lifetime movie plot of bad men that abuse their loved ones.
The cabbie killer(Bob)had a life boring beyond belief and was so one dimensional he could exist on a petri dish. That is why I used the fast forward. I keep thinking, 'is this movie over yet? I have things to do and places to go."
The lack of really gruesome scenes indicate that it was shot in Canada with those tax breaks. So, being shot on digital (Red One), a cab, a house in middle of nowhere...mmm I am thinking $500,000 max budget. I notice there is no box office figure in IMDb...go figure. Direct to DVD, maybe one art house showing. Too bad, Jennifer showed lots of promise with Surveillance.
In one scene Bob says, "Education you need education", really? and a few courses at the Learning Annex could have stopped your killing spree. Wow! Who would have thought. Let's make everyone take some classes folks and we can stop crime for good. It seems as tho Bob has watched Sling Blade too many times.
There is nothing to understand here. Bob should have been shot in the head and as George Clooney says when his brother is killed in Dusk til Dawn, "Richie may you have the peace in death you did not have in life". And for being so utterly boring except for a few boring clichés.
The drunken girl was not convincing at all and that scene should have been cut as it was almost comic relief, hey, maybe it was comic relief. There was a nice boob girl at the end tho, finally. And she was cute.
Otherwise, Chained just plods along following a very boring killer and his silent sidekick. Luckily, the audience is not chained and can just 'walk away'.
Vehicle 19 (2013)
Car Crap at its worst
This movie is unwatchable without fast forward, the best invention ever for viewers everywhere.
If you are stuck in a theater, simply look for the exit signs, they are usually lit so you can easily find them.
An American tourist Paul Walker (Michael Woods) gets caught up in intrigue in South Africa. He gets embedded with a young girl who has discovered a sex traffic organization led by corrupt cops. Gauntlet, anyone? Plus he is hostile, for quite awhile to a hot girl in distress. Maybe it's the water. Dudes in USA always jump to help out chicks in distress, like in Cellular.
The girl dies, but she leaves a recording that Paul must deliver to the real authorities,(to do the right thing) in this case a judge, but it winds up being the press. The judge was probably in traffic court busy with a fender bender.
Paul feels compelled to answer a phone in a car after he discovers a gun in the car. Did he not see Phone Booth? No one answers random phone rings anymore. No One!
The acting was overly intense with Paul seeming jacked up on some kind of upper. Plot was poor, acting mediocre. Our hero is under watch so he has his car painted, quickly mind you, by some local Reggie youths.
The end is a hoot, imagine you are a cop, a guy wanted for murder is holding a gun at a reporters head and demands to see the judge. Would a cop say 'oh, OK, we will get right on that". "Hey judge, some guy with a gun to a reporter's head wants to see you. You up for that". Judge, "Ok I'll be right down".
This is what happens when you send those Canon 5D's overseas and someone decides to make a movie. Typically over saturated with blue gels this lighting follows Phone Booth to a T. Seems if you are doing a film in the city you need this "city look". A cop should come on at the begging of the film like he is directing traffic and say to the audience, "Move along folks, nothing to see here".
Much better films in the same genre:
The Gauntlet, Vanishing Point (both of them), Phone Booth, and lots of others are a much better way to use your time.
And I agree with the one reviewer who says that ending falls so flat, (it is a voice over for God's sake), that the writer figured out people probably walked out and no one remained to watch a real ending. Or, or did the director run out of funds. Did investors in this $50,000 movie get cold feet and pull the plug. "Hey Mukunda, end this thing already, I am not giving you another $5. I watched it free on HBO, I should have watched those Asylum flicks on SY FY channel. Come to think of it, just read the reviews on this flick, many sum it up.
Check the CCTV
Actually this is kinda a wannabe PHONE BOOTH, a much superior film of someone trapped in a 'booth' or 'ATM".
It was well photographed and acted tho and direction OK. But I don't see 3 mil on the screen, considering it was one locale. I am seeing about $250,000 tops, including a couple of guys with a Canon 5D camera rental and 32gb SD card and a Lowell lite kit. I think the blonde was the director's girlfriend and he did not want her in anything to revealing. "I am not playing a cheap office slut", she probably told him.
OK, you know the plot, three yuppies get caught in the ATM machine kiosk as they are stalked by a killer. One is a blonde hot chick who should have been dressed in a much hotter outfit...babes in horror movies have to:
2)show lots of leg
3)show some booty
4)bra and panties extra points.
There was a chance for some 'wet t-shirt' action, but they blew it with her winter outfit when the sprinkler went off.
The blonde had on a coat and slacks,thereby disqualifying this movie as a horror film. Check out the girl in P2, a much better film on the 'entrapment' theme. Or hell, even that elevator one with the devil as one of the passengers.
Doing a 'confinement' film requires really good script writing and a concern for the characters. Both are missing in this film. They were all kind of bratty.
The characters go through the usual "omg, how are we going to get out of here", only to find themselves resigned to oblivion.
At the end, when the police arrested the young yuppie thinking he did all the mayhem, maybe had a point.
That is, the CCTV cameras acted against him when you looked at the snips. He is the one pushing the blonde, he has his hand on the screw driver, he kills the accidental intruder.
Just looking at the CCTV camera as a juror - hey 3 jerks, drunk, cause mayhem in an ATM kiosk and trash it and kill a guy. Remember, the CCTV camera cuts out before the car crashes into the ATM.
Now this could me a real feature with cool actors and script.
The plot could be a guy is convicted of a crime by the jury only looking at the CCTV footage which distort the facts. That could be really cool movie, as he goes to trail and has to prove his innocence.
In ATM we are waiting for the bad guy to turn out to be someone screwed over by the yuppies, but that doesn't happen.
He simply plans these scenarios in his little storage space. Whaaa? As Click and Clack say, 'boooooooaaagus'. Even French existential films have more closure.
Luckily I only paid 50 cents rental and I had fast forward, which I used often.
Killer Joe (2011)
Best film noir since .45
Imagine one of those Lifetime movies about a hit-man hired to kill a relative. Imagine the usual boring lighting, cast and characters.
Now flip it 180 degrees and you have a wonderful dark, shaggy,off kilter brilliantly directed film where characters come alive with their quirks and idiocy to make a very good movie
The plot is very simple. A dysfunctional family wants a hit man to off the weird and abusive mother. The execution of the script is marvelous. That is why we have William Friedikin who brings out the best in each scene with characters, lighting and composition and why Lifertime movies are the next best thing to NyQuil and shot in Canada.
It is the details that makes this movie shine. Such as the goofy brother, and beautiful Doty, the numskull hubby, and the raunchy new wife. And of course the very creepy menacing Killer Joe, played with perfectly by Matthew. One scene where Joe asks Ansel whose c*** is in the picture is a hoot.
I was so engaged in one scene I had to go to the bathroom, was holding it, and then remembered I had it on DVD so I hit pause. It was also showing on HBO, but I got a copy from the local library. If I see a copy, I will buy it.
If you like film noir, you will love this continuation of the genre.
Write an essay..it's cheaper
OMG, yet another rant movie on capitalism and the horrible feature of capitalism. Fight Club anyone?
You all know the 'plot' by now. Slower than a turtle moving in the desert.
This movie (sorry a movie should move, this one is dead in the water), so I will call it a filmed essay, you know like 'graphic novel'.
20 million dollars...well at least some people were employed. This could have been made with a $3,000 camcorder and several tapes in the back seat of a rented limo and saved everyone a lot of money. You know this movie is an example of rampart capitalism gone bad, but this much money could have built a low income housing project...is this the point of the movie, how we waste our money on boring, pretentious films, then point well taken. What a better way to spend the money, on an urban garden project, housing, and other noble endeavors. Or is this movie an example of what when you have more money than talent?
Why didn't the movie mention how hard ag life was...12 hrs day hard, labor for food. No iPhone, computers, web, movies (except his one),fans, AC (both cooling and electricity), modern plumbing...ah the list goes on.
A book better explores these kind of narratives. Let's see...a chick in a limo discussing the art of money making...time, disjunctive use of money and time...as Peanuts would say...Good Grief ! Some say the movie went over viewers heads...um..rather like it went under the seats of many and right to their feet, that is why they voted with their feet, they walked out!
Maybe if it were full blown XXX with that dialog it could have been funny for the irony, but such was not the case.
Too bad! Loved Scanners, but Croneberg is getting boring. Funny how capitalism lifted millions out of poverty, yet is being criticized in boring films like this one.
But if you like static films, with the woe is us theme, then have at it. Makes The Dark Ages, seems like a walk in the park.
Movie Challenge: Free ticket to the next Croneberg film to the person who can sum up this movie in 500 words. About one page double space.
False Pretenses (2004)
revenge can taste sweet
Basic story line is a hot babe has a husband who commits suicide because he was swindled in a ponzi scheme. The babe wife decides to try and get even. She even gets a job working for the swindler in the town where he currently resides. The rest is a cat and mouse game often thwarted by a curious cast of characters.
HOWEVER, the pacing was off and not up to a higher caliber heist or swindle scheme type movies. View David Mamet, Spanish PRISONER, HOUSE OF GAMES, and others. Or the HEIST with Gene Hackman. The movie needed a more dramatic sound track...more mysterious lighting, tighter pacing, and better cinematography.
Lighting was way to Lifetime...no dramatic shadows, and was almost documentary like with actors not up to full par...perhaps the director couldn't bring out the best in each actor.
I like the premise, the characters, I bet the book is a better read than the movie. Some of the Lifetime movies are interesting however.
And you can always tell those Lifetime movies shot in Canada. They should make one in LA with a good sound track, direction, cast. But their budget is probably a million bucks, so they do the best they can. The stories are interesting tho...usually from paperback novels one can get off a rack, but the 'girl in trouble' is popular during the day and 'bad guy boyfriend' at night on this channel.
Yes, I would buy it in a bargain bin...like 2 for $5 Or tape it next time on Lifetime.
could have been better - here's how
OK, you have a monster film. In this case a Sharknado attack. But is the film being a parody? Only a few lines suggest so. "we need a bigger chopper'. Is a hint, but the movie doesn't follow through.
How about the sharks going by a Shinto Kendo type martial art school where they are using real swords. Toshiro pops out and looks up and sees all the sharks. He yells out, "SUSHI TIME'. He proceeds to whack the fins off the sharks and the students pick them up. One of them says, "looks like shark fin soup tonight". He proceeds to hack up about a dozen sharks even some that sneak up on him, where he stabs them with his sword with a backwards thrust. Later you can cut back to them enjoying their sushi or sashimi.
Or, when the hero steps out of the big shark after chaining sawing it open, then goes back in to get the girl. Hey, a whole clown clan could get out. Then Rosie O'Donell, and a cast of other TV retirees.
When you do a movie this absurd you need to go balls out on the comedy.... this needed to be closer to Airplane! then Epic Movie.
They need to step up the computer animation department with more realism. Is it that costly. Look at Ted. I thought the Teddy Bear was an animatronic.
Could Quakeshark be next?