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jsprine-2

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7 reviews in total 
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1 out of 4 people found the following review useful:
Chance's pistol, 20 October 2009
1/10

Agent Chance's pipsqueak popgun is a Smith & Wesson Model 61 "Escort", an ill-conceived .22 LR jam-a-matic meant to be carried as, believe it or not, a policeman's backup gun! Even after modifications to the design to correct reliability and accuracy issues, Smith & Wesson wisely discontinued them after just two years' production.

When new, the Model 61 retailed for around $60 but have since become a sought-after collectible...for die-hard S&W collectors and possible wannabe H.A.R.M. agents.

Not one of Smith & Wesson's better products, to be sure, though some of these little guns actually function well. I've never met anyone in law enforcement comfortable with using one as an actual back-up piece; most street cops preferred the Smith & Wesson J-frame revolvers for serious work. Many still do.

Why the makers of the film chose to arm Agent Chance with such an oddball pistol is unknown; perhaps they wanted something distinctive for their "hero" and if that was their goal, they achieved it. Poor Chance would be been better served by the issue of an ice-pick which of course is not only inexpensive, but far more reliable in a close encounter. Or perhaps a sharpened cold chisel as a truly memorable "termination device"...

Sabretooth (2002) (TV)
0 out of 1 people found the following review useful:
A clear winner in the Screaming Awful Turkey Category, 28 April 2006
1/10

What is it with SciFi, when they produce films as bad as this? Why not concentrate on creating a decent movie for a change, instead of putting out a string of badly-written, badly-acted, illogical, even stupid, CGI crapfests like this one? The director and writer of this BOMB seemingly have nothing but contempt for the intelligence of the audience; the actions of the characters and their dialogue might be clever and entrancing to 6-year-olds, but for everyone else, AVOID THIS SCREAMING TURKEY, which is almost as bad as that other CGI nightmare "Blue Demon"...a film even Ed Wood would have been ashamed to be affiliated with.

There is no need to go into detail regarding this particular farce; just remember every stupid, low-budget, idiotic, horrible film you've ever seen, and you have a good idea of how bad this thing is; the writer and director and most of the actors should be forced to eat their own intestines while viewing it, particularly the Rambo-type who gets his at the entrance to the mine.

The only reason I could not give a lower rating to this BOMB is because no negative numbers were available.

AVOID THIS FILM UNLESS YOU ARE A HARDENED MASOCHIST!

Vanishing Point (1997) (TV)
18 out of 26 people found the following review useful:
They're right...this guy was no hero., 30 March 2003

Much has said about the wonderful, original "Vanishing Point"; I finally got to see the TV remake of the 1970 classic...and it was a shame. The original had Barry Newman, who somehow had the unique talent to come across as a guy who'd 'been there and done that'...and survived it all with wit, humor, and integrity as well as fantastic driving skills.

The bozo in this tepid rehash looks like he'd be out of his weight battling a soggy airmail envelope. Most of the time, while driving, he looks as if he's a 12-year-old punk out joyriding his older brother's car...and about to lose control of it, at that.

Even the little technical details were goofy beyond reason. "Jimmy" Kowalski managed to buy a police radio scanner, and somehow it doesn't need an antenna to receive signals. Better yet, since it's a crystal-controlled radio, 'magic crystals' cut for the correct radio frequencies used by cops in FOUR STATES somehow magically install themselves during the asphalt festivities. Better yet, the radio doesn't even stop scanning when a transmission is received!!!

Kowalski was supposed to be a former Army Ranger, and at one point he's in uniform, in front of a Captain who's dressing him down for his being an 'individual'. He's wearing a pair of army jump-wings, which means he's an Airborne Ranger (I guess), but no Combat Infantry Badge, despite being a decorated combat veteran. Interesting.

In short, the numerous flaws of this movie far outweigh its virtues.

On the other hand, the southwestern U.S. looked as lovely as it does in real life. Some nice footage of the area's scenic beauty was most welcome.

They made the point...several times...during this flick that Kowalski wasn't a hero...just an 'ordinary guy' involved in 'extraordinary events'. Well, the REAL Kowalski (Newman) in the original was an extraordinary guy performing extraordinary feats. The big mistake here was trying to give us too much backstory on the mysterious and intrepid Mr. K, instead of letting us fill in the details ourselves.

If you want to see a true American classic...a unique snapshot of early 1970s America, as it were, stay away from this T.V. travesty and watch the original instead.

14 out of 19 people found the following review useful:
Interesting; a hoot for the locals, 28 December 2002

"The Big Easy" is a lot of fun for native New Orleanians. I've never seen this film until yesterday, and it delighted me to see some of my former colleagues in the NOPD Detective Bureau play cops in the movie. Gus Krinke (now retired) actually did a very credible job as portraying an Internal Affairs Detective.

Yes, the 'accents' as portrayed here are unbelievable...many tourists are astonished to learn that most New Orleanians talk almost exactly like they're from Brooklyn, not some backwater swamp.

I understand Quaid enjoyed himself in New Orleans while making this movie, and it clearly shows. Grace Zabriskie (who was actually born in N.O.) was the most believable character. John Goodman liked the place so much he bought a home in the Crescent City.

Quaid and Barkin definitely put some spice in their roles...their chemistry was apparent and believable (unlike Quaid's accent), and their romance was really the only thing believable in this 'police movie'.

BTW, real New Orleans cops don't work out of 'Precinct Houses', sports fans, they're referred to as 'Districts'...New Orleans has 8 (eight) Police Districts. And I was delighted to see that the official ("unofficial") NOPD 'Vulture/star-and-Crescent' Homicide 'badge' was shown so often.

All in all, this film is a lot of fun despite its numerous technical flaws, and I give it 6 out of 10.

20 out of 21 people found the following review useful:
Based on a true story, and very well done, 19 January 2001

Interesting, absorbing tale based on an actual British Intelligence operation during World War II. The casting (Clifton Webb is perfect in the lead role) was top notch, and the impeccable attention to even minor details was extraordinary. A fan of 'blood and guts' movies would be well advised to look elsewhere...this well-crafted little gem is for the connoisseur.

Stephen Boyd gave a very good performance as an Irish secret agent working for the Nazis. In several scenes, he could barely contain his contempt for the English people he encountered during his mission in London. At one point, after setting himself up for capture by counter-intelligence agents, he awaits their arrival with his Luger pistol, obviously hoping for a bloody showdown, and when the agents fail to appear, he is both relaxed and also angry at not getting to kill anyone. Subtle, yet amazing.

9 out of 10.

1 out of 1 people found the following review useful:
Starts out nicely and then crashes!, 17 January 2001

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

This film started out nicely enough, and then plummeted into the abyss. * Spoiler*

The "CIA Assassin" blows his assignment, and then engages in a wild-eyed escape obviously taken right out of a comic book. Later, he blabs uncontrollably in an open court and is sentenced to life in prison...for the murder of the man he chose not to kill in the beginning!

The "Assassin" is described as a former U.S. Army Ranger, but he is one of those types who chooses to fight in slow motion, with people kind enough to line up carefully so he can punch and kick them into various states of unconsciousness.

At one point, he 'sneaks' over a hurricane fence, making enough noise to wake up an army of drunken zombies. Hardly Ranger-quality work.

And yes, this is one of those movies where the bad guys (in this case, U.S. Marshals) use their helicopters as fighter planes...apparently the pilots of these craft have never learned that their machines can hover.

Containing enough plot holes and lapses in plausibility to strain the term 'suspension of belief' far beyond its intended limits, this movie should not be viewed in a serious light, but rather as a comedy, and, better yet, one should consume a Martini...or five of them...before attempting to watch this epic.

I rate it 3.5 out of 10, but then I'm a kind-hearted soul.

Unholy Matrimony (1988) (TV)
3 out of 3 people found the following review useful:
Based on a true story, 13 January 2001

John Dillmann was a highly-decorated, veteran Homicide Detective for the New Orleans Police Department. This movie, based on Dillmann's true crime book of the same name, details one of his more interesting cases. It actually happened in much the way it is depicted here, except that it actually happened in New Orleans, Louisiana, and not Phoenix, Arizona. It should be noted that Dillmann in real life is a lot more professional than he's depicted in this movie.

This incident was first reported as a 'routine' hit-and-run fatality accident in East New Orleans, and due to pressure from the victim's family, the case got bumped over to the Homicide Division. The victim, by the way, was a very pretty girl visiting New Orleans on her honeymoon! Dillmann got the case and, after speaking with the girl's family and checking the incident report, quickly realized that something far more sinister had actually transpired. The book is excellent; I wish the movie was as high quality an item.

I rate it 7 out of 10.