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8 reviews in total 
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Total Recall (2012/I)
2 out of 8 people found the following review useful:
Decent for a modern remake, 8 August 2012

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

We have all learned to criticize and to say "begone" for all these new movies. How about we stop living in the past for a second and start living in the present/future.

Of course this movie was not so good. But you cannot judge something, using the past as comparison items. It's like trying to compare The Dark Knight series to William Shakespeare's books. There are just terms that cannot be placed one against each other.

The old one was great. Of course.. I was born in that same age of movies. However, this remake gives us a great attempt to successfully recreate a story, but with some of the modern time elements. You cannot compare Greed motive from the old movie, with the Slavery motive presented in this one, even though they are somewhat related. Here's why:

- Chemical war raged, Earth went boo boo, not many places to live in except part of Europe and (United Federation of Blabla) and The Colony (Former Australia)

- Current UFB president (or something like that) is some-what a dictator

- There is a "resistance" led by a man who tries to inspire but is not present much in the film (nor his objectives .. at least at first)

- UFB president is faced with overpopulation and wants to conquest/annihilate/enslave The Colony, and so he uses his best agent to do that

- Best agent (Colin) has his memories stored in a green goo syringe, then gets thrown as an undercover agent in the resistance, however he falls in love with a chick and becomes corrupted (actually, his eyes open and he sees the evil in his leader, so he switches sides)

- UFB captures him and blow his minds... and offs him with am memory inhibitor chip and fake memories, fake wife etc (discrepancy here, why not restore his old memory before he got corrupted... this is a plot key triggering the action and showing us the reason: not knowing who he is would send him on a wild nut-job chase into finding the Resistance leader so UFB can kill him)

- Unexpected side effects (nightmares and stuff) force Colin to go to a Rekall agency (they put you to sleep for a while and you can dream whatever you want). However, the machine destroys a memory inhibitor chip UFB placed in his head. He goes crazy and starts killing people who are trying to kill him for no reason - He gets together with his chick and he starts remembering stuff, like how to play the piano etc.

- Lots of shooting, lots of cgi chasing... they finally figure out the UFB plan, they meat up with the resistance boss but they get busted because the only way to stop the UFB was actually a memory trap implanted in Colin.

- Resistance leader goes to heaven, invasion almost begins, Colin gets angry, robots die, UFB president dies, invasion stopped.

The acting was not so bad. Of course there were some bad moments.. but don't tell me Arnold was the best actor of his time. IT WOULD BE A LOAD OF CRAP.

CGI was off the charts. Considering this is a 2012 film, CGI is accepted but somewhat overrated these days. That doesn't mean I agree with it, but it's better than watching Harry Potter! The characters don't see much development, but the main one sure suffers a lot of switches, which is kind of intense.

In a nutshell, the purpose of this movie was its CGI, its action scenes, and the plot about one man ,not knowing who he is, that can save 2 worlds casted aside. This was the intended and only goal, and should be treated/rated/judged as such. Just like you cannot criticize a random magazine for being a bad book!!

Even though this film was not one of the best, I will give it an 8, based on its achievements regarding its goal: an action CGI movie.

5 out of 10 people found the following review useful:
Complete disappointment, 7 May 2012

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

I had hoped this would be something good relative to its budget.

I was wrong.

If you liked the Red Faction series up to Guerilla please don't watch this.

The characters make no sense, and their development is utter rubbish. The lines are just like prunes falling from a dying tree. The plot disturbed me. Not only it uses the "Mason" name on its primary character, it brings a tremendously disappointing course of action.

This was said to fill the gap between Guerilla and Armageddon. In RF: Armageddon, Adam Hale is a rogue Marauder priest. In this movie, not only he is a colonist kidnapped by the EDF, brainwashed and made an EDF lieutenant... he also dies, when Alec Mason goes kamikaze on his ship. Yes.. he dies before the story in the game begins. And the errors never stop..

One may not be allowed to wonder how bad this movie is. Just by pure thought one could get great headaches.

This movie was very bad. My head hurts.


1 out of 3 people found the following review useful:
A good job, 22 April 2012

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

I was happy to see an actual silly putty movie. It's been so long since I saw one (I think I was like 5). I knew it was intended for kids, and I must say, I found it quite great.

The plot is nicely done. The characters are explained perfectly for a kid to understand the story. And it does not go into heavy details and plunge a young one's mind into a deep state of confusion.

Basically it's about a pirate captain, named "Pirate Captain" (this was a good funny start) who strives to become the number one ranked pirate, and win best pirate of the year award. However, misfortune and clumsiness are his best buds.

I went in with my little sister and she was a bit disappointed at first, mostly because she hadn't raised with these types of animations. But as the funny scenes started rolling she kept on smiling.

The jokes and the conflicts were done pretty good, and can be comprehended by an 8 year old. Which is good, as I consider that age group, to be the main target of this film.


Haywire (2011)
3 out of 16 people found the following review useful:
What is this !?, 22 April 2012

Was this supposed to be a movie? I am not going to brag about it, but I will summarize in a short few lines:

1. What is wrong with this film? It's either a bad script, bad acting, or both. Perhaps it's just the directing.. I don't really know.. (my first impression was - Is this a Uwe Boll movie? - After having seen it my final impression was - Oh my god, Uwe Boll has a twin).

2. The plot was empty and the characters were blank. I felt nothing for those characters. Not even a single bit.

3. The fighting scenes are just junk.

4. Was this supposed to be a rip-off on Salt/M:Impossible genre?

I give this a 1 because 0 is not allowed.

51 out of 69 people found the following review useful:
Awful... for kids, but awful, 3 March 2012

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

I cannot begin to describe the levels of wrong and awfulness for this movie. I'll just bring it down to this:

I don't know what was worse. The story, the acting, or The Rock playing the ukulele.

The lines, the mimics, the situations, even the humor (which was supposed to be funny... don't know how yet.. ) looked, sounded and felt like plastic bags. They all felt so unnatural, and out of character. I can't yell at mister Wrestler.. he did his best for what he can do. But Vanessa, honey, you have a Disney background, you should be good at this stuff... it's a kids movie.. good acting = good movie. Having a red wet shirt on you throughout the scenes, that's not really appropriate.

The story is... well there isn't much of a story... only that 3 different people, wrote about the same island, and encrypted its map and location in their books. The island (Atlantis) runs by a 'tectonic plate clock cycle', diving in the ocean and resurfacing every X amount of years. However, if the island was destroyed each time it went under the ocean, how did it rebuild itself? Answer : A wizard did it...

I wonder how they didn't get sued for using 'Yoda' which is a LucasArts trademark. I also wonder why did they try to build The Rock's character into a muscled 'MacGuyver' and a Wizard, and a Scientist, and an ex Navy Seal, and a Wise Man ... and .. must I go on?

Also, the kid, is so dumb... that a chick has to drop the curtain and tell him : "Oh gee.. stop whining like an 8 year old.. for having a step dad who cares about you.. wouldn't it be worse if you didn't had him at all???". For being that stupid, you deserve to sink and die with the damn island, and maybe you'd get reconstructed each 140 years like the island does.. Yes sir..

The only good thing about this movie, is the CGI, which was well done, no argument there.

And one more thing. I laughed so hard at this. I imagined there would be something like this in the movie (adding up to Vanessa's red wet shirt). A kids movie = parents are there too. So how to keep them awake or not drunk in the theater (also entertained would be a much suitable word)? Yes, you got that right.. Vanessa's buttocks: Central Framed, HD, 3D go watch it now (during the escape from Nemo's burial room).

Overall: probably good for kids, probably good for drunk adults, most likely awful to everyone that noticed how the movie industry is on a downfall, and how each year it gets worse.

6 out of 8 people found the following review useful:
Good intro, bad outro, 15 November 2009

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

I watched this movie just get over Uwe Boll's stupid dead people's disease movies. I must say i was quite impressed in the beginning. Some couples and their stories, nice acting and family presentation, and a good plot: it's Christmas eve and westphalia is under quakes and severe high temperatures with power surges going around the city( Los Angeles that is) . Scientists can't figure it out. There's a Christmas party in a tenement block, and the couples presented are living in the same building - 1 family (man + woman + man's brother + 2 kids boy and girl) , 1 about-to-get-divorced-couple, 1 about-to-get-married-couple, and some random dudes and girls. The newsman tells the power-surges are connected with the temperature and the quakes.

Mom and dad are trying to have fun(in bed) but the kids find them out and they get sent to the basement to bring up their presents. Nasty creature eats their guts.

There's an agoraphobic guy at the 2nd floor, friend with the superintendent and the electrician, and he's a master in discovery channel and electronics and communications. Electrician "Ralph" gets torn to bits. The party is ruined, more creatures come and claim lives. Some guy's brother tries something he saw on TV ("Hey the creatures might be photosensitive" ) but he gets a big head-shot and dies. The little girl is not dead - apparently she managed to survive ( somehow I have no idea ) and she got in a defunct elevator ( again HOW is a big question ). The group manages to kill 2 creatures, find out the main building entrance is blocked and head for the roof. They go through that defunct elevator's shaft and find out the little girl.

The dad and dad's brother end up dead, and tadam: 3 survivors - The mom, the little girl and that agoraphobic fat guy. They get to the roof where they see LA has been torn apart by some nasty volcano-type spikes ( ?!WTF ) that erected from the underground. They start squirting something out from their top (lava probably), and... that's it.. The movie ends. I must say the ending was very stupid. I expected the military or something to grab and save "ye mam we got everythin under control". There's no outcome. The FX were pretty good I must say...


Plot: 9/10

Roles & Play: 8/10

Script: 4/10

FX : 7/10

Ending: -1/10 (and yes that's a negative)

Monster Behaviour: 5/10 (it's monster movie after all)

Iron Man (2008)
0 out of 2 people found the following review useful:
Kboom Kpow Shazam! here comes Iron Man, 3 May 2008

First of all , major tribute to the producers, director, scripter for bringing an epic story on to our big-screens. The secret in all superhero-like movies, is the ability to impregnate "una pelicula" as Italians would say, with the life of the comic books. It is known that a comic book movie is good, if it is transposing a replica of that story, with good scenery, acting, and of course, special FX. Iron Man is such a great mixture of all this , sheds a tear.

The actors ... well I barely heard of them < no offense > .I can't seem to remember any particular "famous" movie I've seen them in. That actually was the big surprise, to see remarkable acting from not-so-known Hollywood pieces. Although some characters were "out of the pot", with no base or connections to the script, placed in just to fill the picture, the story was quite catchy, and I must admit I liked it in a "delicious" way. The combined drama / action with humoristic scenes and laugh-coated dialogs were 45% of the success.

I enjoyed the movie and I recommend it to all Marvel Comics fans , especially Iron Man fans. I give it a 9 out of 10. Bravo !

59 out of 122 people found the following review useful:
It's great! it's incredible! It's Uwe Boll!!, 18 December 2007

The title itself brings great curiosity, but like all Uwe Boll movies this one bears hi's marks.

Still he hasn't matched his previous record.. with the Bloodrayne No Commnet.

AWFUL!!!! My rating is 1 out of 10 because I can't give 0 (it's not a mark).

Everything is bad! Bad script, bad play, bad actors, bad backgrounds, bad story.

Uwe please stop making movies which have roots in games... you make the games look bad :(