Reviews written by registered user
Dr. Gore

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550 reviews in total 
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Hostel (2005)
2 out of 3 people found the following review useful:
Tourist torture, 9 January 2006

*** This review may contain spoilers ***


Three guys head to Slovakia to party. Nothing says good times like Slovakia. They get a tip that the women there will do anything they want. Next stop Slovakia! It turns out that they were misinformed. Actually, it's the sadists there who will do whatever they want to them. The hostel they're staying at is running a special on torturing horny backpackers. For a reasonable price, the local freaks can have their way with the lousy tourists.

"Hostel" is a fine horror flick. I was pleased. There is plenty of blood, gore and general sickness here to please any horror fan. The first half of the movie has the guys partying down in Europe with various topless women. Once they get their hot tip on the compliant Slovakian ladies, the movie clearly illustrates the danger of taking travel advice from someone you just met. The hostel in Slovakia turns out to be a slaughterhouse of wayward tourists. The last half of the movie has many fine gore scenes as the sadists go to work.

Besides its large amount of gore effects, "Hostel" also has an abundance of female nudity. I was very happy to see so many unnecessary naked breasts in a mainstream horror flick. This movie does not skimp on the exploitation. It's got blood, guts, breasts, and guys in doctor outfits torturing people. Yeah, "Hostel" delivers the goods. It's worth a look.

5 out of 11 people found the following review useful:
Sneaky Incubus, 8 January 2006

*** This review may contain spoilers ***


My friend and I were out at a used video store when "The Incubus" caught my eye. There was a demon creature on the front of the video box staring at me with his little red beady eyes daring me to buy the movie. Next to the creature was his tag line: He is the Destroyer. "The Incubus" for only three bucks eh? What a deal! We bought the scary demon movie right away.

Well, this movie stinks. "The Incubus" is another rotten bargain bin disaster. His tag line was correct. He destroyed the VCR with great speed and efficiency. So there's a doctor running around town trying to solve a series of brutal murders. A lot of women are getting raped and killed. The doctor thinks it's a monster. The cops thinks he's nuts. I think this movie stinks.

As a fan of monster flicks, I have but one question. Where's the monster? Why is the Incubus hiding? The Incubus is hiding because the movie doesn't care about him. So why is he plastered on the front of the video box? It's another bait and switch scam from the pits of B-movie making. The movie is really more interested in the mental health of the doctor, who makes eyes at his daughter and worries a little too much about which guy she's dating. "The Incubus" has a few gory scenes but not nearly enough to justify watching it. The only time you'll see this Incubus is on the front of the video box. If you see this demon looking at you from the video box cover, turn your head and run away before he sucks you in.

3 out of 5 people found the following review useful:
Cookie monster, 27 November 2005

*** This review may contain spoilers ***


My friend and I saw this one the other day. We've been looking forward to "Gingerdead Man" for some time. Gary Busey as a reincarnated killer gingerbread man? Sold. That's a B-movie touchdown. Or so we wanted to believe…

"Gingerdead Man" is a mild disaster. It's not disastrous enough to make me call 911 but it's pretty horrible. Somehow, Busey's ashes are stirred in with some gingerbread mix. He becomes the Gingerdead man. A bunch of workers at the bakery try to take Busey out but he's too fast and delicious for them. Then the movie drags on and on until it somehow mercifully ends.

Nothing remotely interesting happens in "Gingerdead Man". The entire movie takes place in the bakery. I was hoping the Busey cookie monster was going to hit the road for some sweet, sweet revenge. Instead the filmmakers went the ultra cheap route and kept all of the action in one setting. There are only so many things a Gingerdead man can do in the kitchen of a bakery. Most of the things he did manage to do weren't eventful or exciting. "Gingerdead Man" has a great comic/horror premise but the movie is lame. It can be skipped.

Angel (1984)
3 out of 5 people found the following review useful:
Shy Angel, 25 November 2005

*** This review may contain spoilers ***


I bought this video for three bucks. You don't know how long I've been staring at the video box cover of "Angel" and wondering when I was going to get around to watching it. The front cover of "Angel" is pure exploitation. It has Angel on the left side of the cover wearing pigtails and holding some schoolbooks. The right side of the front cover has Angel in high heels and a short red skirt. The tag line is "High School Honor Student by day. Hollywood Hooker by night." Classic! This is a film that no sleazy film lover could possibly resist.

One thing you can say about the tag line for "Angel": It didn't lie. So Angel is a high school honor student by day and a Hollywood hooker by night. She hangs out with other ladies of the night and tries to earn some money. A mad killer is stalking Hollywood Blvd. and wants to slice and dice some hookers. Angel won't stand for it. She's got a gun that's bigger than she is and she can't wait to use it.

Well, I wanted to love this movie but it just wasn't sleazy enough for me. I should have known the video box cover was too good to be true. The main problem with "Angel" is that Angel does not get naked. Does NOT get naked. I found this to be troublesome since she was supposed to be a Hollywood hooker. Not only that, she doesn't have any sex scenes in the entire movie. No sex scenes for a Hollywood hooker movie? She even says at one point, "I've had sex with hundreds of men…" When was that Angel? Was that in a different movie? Why is Angel being so shy?

That's the basic problem with "Angel". It's trying to be a real movie when it should have been sticking to being extra sleazy. "Angel" gets pretty emotional for a Hollywood hooker flick. Angel tends to cry a lot about her family life or lack thereof. Not to seem heartless but I don't really want to see Angel weeping uncontrollably. There are a few scenes of gratuitous female nudity at the high school locker room and some decent fight scenes but overall "Angel" was kind of a letdown.

Great video box cover. So-so B-flick.

12 out of 109 people found the following review useful:
Screaming and yelling on the set, 20 November 2005

*** This review may contain spoilers ***


A user on the IMDb recommended this movie to me. It does my heart good to know that some people think of me when they find a sleazy movie. "Actress Apocalypse" has many scenes of actresses disrobing, stripping, posing, and just generally being naked. In fact, the credits are played over scenes of two girls kissing in the shower. As the man said, "That's the way you start a movie."

Unfortunately, I didn't like "Actress Apocalypse". The movie is set up as a fake documentary of the making of a B-movie. It's got something to do with a mullet headed Indian killing women. I was not a fan of "The Blair Witch Project" and like that movie, "Actress Apocalypse" is full of improvisations. They make it up as they go along. Lots of improvised conversation, lots of screaming, lots of improvised screaming. The director screams at his psychotic brother who in turn screams back at him. They both argue with the boom operator and everybody bellows at the actresses who are auditioning. The movie is set up as a series of auditions for a slasher flick that usually ends in an actress apocalypse. The brother just cannot control himself.

"Actress Apocalypse" is one of the most hyper movies I've ever seen. Every film-making trick is used. It reminded me of "Natural Born Killers" in its attempt to beat the viewer into submission. I was worn out watching this kinetic mess. It was stuck in permanent overdrive: Switching from color to black and white, splicing in quick flashes of nudity, etc. This movie made me tense with its non-stop screaming and film-making insanity.

Although I didn't like the movie as a whole, there were still some good things here to enjoy. "Actress Apocalypse" does not skimp on the gratuitous nudity. There were some hot women in this one. Having the girl continually walk back and forth naked was an especially nice touch. It's this dedication to exploitation that I admire.

Overall, "Actress Apocalypse" was just too wired for me. I loved the nudity in between the screaming matches but the continual yelling and fighting drowned out any sleazy goodness from all of the fine exploitation scenes.

3 out of 3 people found the following review useful:
Better than "The Matrix" - Just kidding, 19 November 2005

*** This review may contain spoilers ***


"Sexual Matrix" is about a matrix that is sexual. A horny professor decides to ask his students all about their sexual fantasies. Of course he does. So while they're describing their wildest dreams, he plugs them into his matrix machine and it lets them live out their fantasies. It seems so real! Mia Zottoli shows up to assist the professor in his quest to know what turns the whole campus on.

I rented "Sexual Matrix" as part of my quest to see every Mia Zottoli movie ever made. Unfortunately, this flick was made before she became busty Ava Lake. There was less of her to love. As a Zottoli flick, "Sexual Matrix" was disappointing. Her only sex scene is at the end. She's on some cheap futuristic set that looks like it came right out of "Tron". The camera spins around the action until the viewer gets nauseous. Suffice to say, "Sexual Matrix" is not a must see for Zottoli fans.

As a skin flick, "Sexual Matrix" is fair. It really doesn't try to be much of a movie. It goes something like this: Student walks in, starts talking about sex, their fantasies power up the matrix and a sex scene follows. That's it. There were some fair scenes but none really stand out. "Sexual Matrix" doesn't need to be seen but it won't kill you if you wind up watching it. I mean, it's got a little Mia Zottoli action so it can't be all bad.

2 out of 2 people found the following review useful:
It's no secret - It's great, 19 November 2005

*** This review may contain spoilers ***


First, allow me to praise the DVD cover of "Secret Desires of a Housewife 2". The cover has two women kissing each other with their faces bathed in a blue light. This is effective advertising. It's no secret what the housewife's desire is. I didn't need to know anything more about this movie than what was on the DVD cover. I bought it immediately.

"Secret Desires of a Housewife 2" is a great skin flick. Great! The actual desire of this housewife is to learn how to rock climb so she can hang out with her husband. This leads to a lot of sex. Akira Lane shows up as another rock climbing/sex enthusiast. She has two sex scenes in this one and they are both hot! She's awesome. Her sex scenes alone make this DVD worth getting. There is barely any plot to get in the way here. People talk, they hang out, something about rock climbing is mentioned and then there's a sex scene. The scene with the housewife and her female rock climbing teacher, (the picture from the DVD cover), is top notch.

You can't go wrong with "Secret Desires of a Housewife 2". I loved it. If you're an Akira Lane fan, you must see this movie.

0 out of 1 people found the following review useful:
No good, 19 November 2005

*** This review may contain spoilers ***


My cousin and I went out to see this one. He was moving to New York and I wanted to send him on his way with a fine film to remember me by. I hope I didn't scar him too badly. He'll never come back now.

"Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo" is the very definition of desperately unfunny. This movie strains itself to be amusing. I wanted to like it. I really did! Generally speaking, I like stupid comedies. This movie was not even remotely funny. Stupid? Yes. Funny? No. I loved the first "Deuce Bigalow". I saw it twice in the theaters and I laughed my head off each time. This one did not work.

The first "Deuce Bigalow" had Deuce becoming a prostitute to get himself out of a financial jam. In the first flick, he dated various freaky women who couldn't land a date with anyone else. In this one, he goes to Amsterdam to help his buddy T.J. out and dates various freaky women. Sounds about the same right? The problem is that his dates are played for disgusting laughs instead of laughing at the awkwardness of Bigalow's dating skills. One of his dates has a hole in her neck. She takes a sip of wine, she has a hole in her neck…you see where this is going. Nowhere funny that's for sure.

"Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo" is no good. It tries too hard to be disgusting. Don't see it. It's not funny. Go rent the first movie and laugh. This one will only cause you pain.

Doom (2005)
4 out of 12 people found the following review useful:
Should have tried harder, 16 November 2005

*** This review may contain spoilers ***


I had high hopes that "Doom" would be a little better than the usual B-movie I find myself watching. I thought it would show a little more imagination. Nope. It is as run of the mill as it gets.

I have seen this type of movie many, many times before. "Doom" is yet another entry in a long line of cheap creature features. You know, the ones that have soldiers walking through government labs with flashlights on the end of their guns as monsters pop out of the darkness and kill them one by one. "Doom" has the look and feel of a cheesy B-movie that should have gone straight to video. There should have been a little more effort made to keep "Doom" from falling headfirst into B-movie oblivion. What a shame.

So The Rock and some other soldiers head to a government outpost and run into some monsters. The rest of the movie writes itself. Monsters, soldiers with big guns, bang, splat, AAAAGGHH! The only thing remotely interesting in this one is a five minute stretch where the movie emulates the first person shooter feel of the game. This amused me for a little bit. The rest of "Doom" has a sprinkling of gore but doesn't even remotely capture the nonstop horror carnage of the game.

Needless to say, I was disappointed in this one. B-movie all the way, "Doom" has some gore effects and a few nasty scenes but it's not enough to save it. It can be skipped.

1 out of 2 people found the following review useful:
Zombie land, 6 November 2005

*** This review may contain spoilers ***


America has become the Land of the Dead. The humans hide behind large gated communities while the inhuman monsters scrounge around outside. Soon the zombies will start evolving and realize they want more from their undead existence than just pretending to live. They want what the humans have: Their brains, hearts, lungs, and other mouth watering organs. A few humans get together to stop the dead with the help of fireworks and some very large automatic weapons.

There may not have been as much subtext in "Land of the Dead" as some of the other Romero zombie movies for people to chew on but it worked fine for me. The only thing I want to see chewed on in a zombie movie is as many guts as possible. Romero knows how to stage effective gore scenes and "Land of the Dead" certainly doesn't disappoint. Once again the morally bankrupt humans invite disaster by dedicating their lives to cheap thrills. Zombie target practice, gladiator fights etc. The zombies have had enough of their so-called humanity. They'll set them straight on whose land this is. "Land of the Dead" is a fine zombie flick. I was pleased. It's got blood, guts, and Asia Argento killing zombies. What's not to like?

One last thing, how about that zombie Number 9? You know, the girl in the softball uniform carrying a baseball bat? That was some hot zombie action. Even with half of her face shredded off, I still thought she looked good. I'm glad she was stuck at the head of the pack with Big Daddy and the butcher. Thankfully she hadn't decomposed too much when the zombies started their rampage. You hate to see a zombie girl lose her looks to time, the elements, or death.

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