Reviews written by registered user
junkySTL

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16 reviews in total 
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10 out of 20 people found the following review useful:
Scarlett Johansson is THE reason to see this movie...!, 28 January 2004

Well, not the ENTIRE reason to see this film... but she was certainly the highlight for me. Why? Frankly because I didn't even know who she was until I saw this film (sad, considering her other work is extremely interesting).

At any rate, the plot is simple; high school students pressured by life decisions plan to steal the S.A.T. (which has various definitions assigned to it throughout the movie). It becomes an elaborate scheme and many people get caught up in it.

Including shinning Erika Christensen (from SWIMFAN and TRAFFIC).

There's the obvious collection of somewhat stereotypical kids (a stoner, a brain, two slackers- one more academically charged than the audience would like to believe).

At any rate, this movie plays well.

I actually loved it!

I supposed it was a bit more personal for me since my PSAT and S.A.T. were HELL!!!!!! And I sunk my teeth depe into a movie that blasted these types of standardized tests and the implications they hold (sexism, racism, placism, all of which are true of standardized tests and the current education system in general, sad to me... and me on the brink of being an English professor).

At any rate, the bottom line is this: You HAVE to admire a movie where one of the "heroes" of the film is a stoner who's so ultra-smart among his peers that he excells past all of them while convincing everyone around him that he's borderline stupid. Only Mtv could produce such a character, or such a film.

I give it 5 out of 5 stars.

And watch Johansson... She's gonna be a star if her smoldering performance here is any indication! She plays the best goth/metal/rebellious/finger-to-the-system/badgirl I've seen in film today...

22 out of 28 people found the following review useful:
One of the best horror films ever made!, 16 April 2002

I was first introduced to this film in a British Cinema class I took at the College of Santa Fe and it's haunted me ever since! Despite what the box claims, Orson Wells has a small part in the and of the film... but the real star is Alan Badel. The first segment, "In the Picture," deals with a museum attendant who's paintings have a real, and sinister, life of their own. The second segment, "You Killed Elizabeth," is not supernatural, and probably the film's dullest installment, but has some good character to it. The final segment, which shows Badel at his absolute evilest, "Lord Mountdrago," has Wells and Badel as political adversaries, and Wells' murderous dreams become real. Of all the small obscure murder mystery / horror gems to go unnoticed from Britain this is certainly the one I wish would receive more attention. It is chilling (my favorite segment remains "In the Picture"), well acted, and brilliantly scripted. Rent it if you find it at your video store! Watch it if it (miraculously) appears on television! Or simply go out and buy it (you won't regret it!). If you want to see the BEST horror anthology film ever, look no further than THREE CASES OF MURDER.

2 out of 3 people found the following review useful:
`Let's Change Our Clothes...And Our Identities!', 12 April 2002

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

LONE NINJA WARRIOR is the story of the `famous swordsman' Snowy White (Yeah, now THAT'S threatening name!) who travels with his companion Eagle. Apparently Eagle and Snowy White fought a while back and Snowy White cut off Eagle's left arm. Eagle then vowed to be the one to kill Snowy White but must fend off those trying to kill him so that he can have final crack at putting Snowy six feet under (so why doesn't he just KILL HIM instead of defending him to kill him later?!). At any rate, Snowy also protects a book called the `Book of Heart and Mind' which a clan called the Weirdo Clan (I'm not kidding) is trying to capture. The story begins when a mysterious woman sends Snowy and Eagle letters, the letter to Snowy in the guise of Eagle and vice versa, and tries to get them to fight, so that Eagle may kill Snowy and thus the woman, who works for the Weirdo Clan, can lay claim to the book. However, in the midst of all of this, Snowy and Eagle run into a man named Wild Wolf, who says that Snowy defeated his father in a duel a long time ago and he vows vengeance on him, and that he wishes to kill him in a duel to make up for the disgrace he put on his father. But when Snowy tells Wild Wolf of their intentions to kill the Weirdo Clan Snowy, Eagle and Wild Wolf call a truce until they have all the Weirdoes. The group goes to kill the Weirdoes, they succeed and subsequently Wild Wolf dies and confesses that the reason he didn't kill Snowy White all these years was because `I feared friendship.' And Then there's something about Snowy White's `Lunar 13 Swords' method, that is supposedly some awesome fighting move Snowy uses, but is never really explained. Anyhow, in the end Snowy and Eagle fight and it ends with Snowy sticking his sword in a tree, jumping on his horse and telling him that Eagle is his new replacement as a master sword fighter.

Okay, so essentially this movie makes NO SENSE! BUt there are tons of wire-enhanced jumps and fight sequences. Tons of cool blood gushes and squirts from people when they're stabbed. The sound effects are as cheesy as kung-fu movies come (some of them sound like sounds from an Atari game). There are also midget ninja, a woman with long finger-nails (that look like painted versions of that snack food Bugles) who stab men, then drink their blood, as well as this gangly looking man with obviously fake protruding front teeth (I guess he is supposed to some sort of ancient Oriental vampire!), and, finally, men and women who shoots colorful fireworks and smoke bombs to disappear from and evade fights (these are the people from which the majority of the cheesy sound effects come from).

I picked up this oddity in Gallway, Ireland in a chain video retailer that looked to be the European equivalent of Sam Goody. The box art (from the release by Moon Stone) is totally misleading. It has a ninja on the front of the box in the typical black ninja pajamas, (with a head band that says, `NIN' on one side of his head and `JA' on the other...

In case we didn't know if he was a ninja or not!) in front of it city! The back of the box also has a completely nonsensical description of the movie (calling the protagonist Long White Snow). All in all it's pretty sweet ninja movie, and, although it's horribly obscure, seek it out if you can find it

The Veil (1958) (TV)
6 out of 6 people found the following review useful:
One of the greatest horror T.V. shows was never aired!, 1 April 2002
6/10

It sometimes boggles the mind to think of all the great finds Something Weird Video has unearthed in the past years. To date they've educated me in H.G. Lewis, Fredric Hobbs, William Grefe, Jack Weis, Doris Wishman, and Leonard Kirtman! But in the year of 1998-99 I was blown away when they discovered two un-aired television shows hosted by horror's classic (and best) genre stars; THE VEIL, hosted by Boris Karloff, and 13 DEMON STREET, hosted by Lon Chaney. Boris Karloff hosts a series of ten episodes of a horror series entitled `THE VEIL' from in front of a crackling fireplace in an illustrious castle room, filled with books and curiously macabre statues. Karloff plays his narrator as a somewhat curious man, who insists that all the tales he tells (stories he's `researched') are all true.

`Vision of Crime' is an interesting supernatural tale, though not very energetic. `Girl on the Road' begins like a Hitchcock crime-thriller, but ends on an almost William Castle-esque note. `Food on the Table' shows off Karloff's never-dulling acting skills, and achieves some pretty effective chills in its end. `The Doctors' is more of a moralistic story, and not so much horror. `The Crystal Ball' is entertaining, and has some cool imagery. `Genesis' has intriguing characters, a good plot, and some chilling imagery. `Destination Nightmare' is a bit too sentimental, and has very little horror imagery.

Also, `Destination' features Karloff narrating from a different room than his signature castle; a very 60's decorated library-looking room, complete with a map of the world for Karloff to stand in front of.

`Summer Heat' is simply a psychic crime-mystery with no horror in it at all. `The Return fo Madame Vernoy' is arguably the series' worst entry, being talkative and slow moving with next to no horror to place it in the series. And, finally, `Jack the Ripper' is a worthy entry, though the discriminating viewer might hunger for more of Jack the Ripper in the piece, instead of the irritating psychic who chases him. The `Ripper' segment also has an odd format change where Karloff hosts with a scattered opening segment, an interlude in the middle of the episode, and then a conclusion.

SWV's DVD presentation of THE VEIL is perfect! However, between the two horror series they've unearthed I would have to say that to my horror movie aesthetic 13 DEMON STREET is a bit better. Although THE VEIL is good, some of the episodes drag, and some are quite anti-climactical and disappointing, whereas I've never seen a 13 DEMON STREET I didn't enjoy.

Probably the reason for THE VEIL's fancy treatment, over 13 DEMON STREET's modest video release, is due to the psychological nature of the horror in THE VEIL over the more supernatural horror of DEMON STREET, which is more centered on ghouls, ghosts and demons.

Although I prefer 13 DEMON STREET (of which two episodes appear on the VEIL DVD) to THE VEIL, it is still a masterfully done series, with the wonderful Karloff as the master of ceremonies and occasional star. The ominously over-decorated room from which Karloff narrates, in front of his Dante-esque fire, never fails to creep

The Veil (1958) (TV)
4 out of 4 people found the following review useful:
Something Weird video unearths another lost Television gem!, 30 March 2002
6/10

It sometimes boggles the mind to think of all the great finds SWV has unearthed in the past year. To date they've educated me in H.G. Lewis, Fredric Hobbs, William Grefe, Jack Weis, Doris Wishman, and Leonard Kirtman! But in the year of 1998-99 I was blown away when they discovered two un-aired television shows hosted by horror's classic (and best) genre stars; THE VEIL, hosted by Boris Karloff, and 13 DEMON STREET, hosted by Lon Chaney.

Boris Karloff hosts a series of ten episodes of a horror series entitled `THE VEIL' from in front of a crackling fireplace in an illustrious castle room, filled with books and curiously macabre statues. Karloff plays his narrator as a somewhat curious man, who insists that all the tales he tells (stories he's `researched') are all true.

`Vision of Crime' is an interesting supernatural tale, though not very energetic. `Girl on the Road' begins like a Hitchcock crime-thriller, but ends on an almost William Castle-esque note. `Food on the Table' shows off Karloff's never-dulling acting skills, and achieves some pretty effective chills in its end. `The Doctors' is more of a moralistic story, and not so much horror. `The Crystal Ball' is entertaining, and has some cool imagery. `Genesis' has intriguing characters, a good plot, and some chilling imagery. `Destination Nightmare' is a bit too sentimental, and has very little horror imagery. Also, `Destination' features Karloff narrating from a different room than his signature castle; a very 60's decorated library-looking room (?), complete with a map of the world for Karloff to stand in front of. `Summer Heat' is simply a psychic crime-mystery with no horror in it at all. `The Return fo Madame Vernoy' is arguably the series' worst entry, being talkative and slow moving with next to no horror to place it in the series. And, finally, `Jack the Ripper' is a worthy entry, though the discriminating viewer might hunger for more of Jack the Ripper in the piece, instead of the irritating psychic who chases him. The `Ripper' segment also has an odd format change where Karloff hosts with a scattered opening segment, an interlude in the middle of the episode, and then a conclusion.

SWV's DVD presentation of THE VEIL is perfect! However, between the two horror series they've unearthed I would have to say that to my horror movie aesthetic 13 DEMON STREET is a bit better. Although THE VEIL is good, some of the episodes drag, and some are quite anti-climactical and disappointing, whereas I've never seen a 13 DEMON STREET I didn't enjoy. Probably the reason for THE VEIL's fancy treatment, over 13 DEMON STREET's modest video release, is due to the psychological nature of the horror in THE VEIL over the more supernatural horror of DEMON STREET, which is more centered on ghouls, ghosts and demons. Although I prefer 13 DEMON STREET (of which two episodes appear on the VEIL DVD; `The Vine of Death' and `The Black Hand') to THE VEIL, it is still a masterfully done series, with the wonderful Karloff as the master of ceremonies and occasional star. The ominously over-decorated room from which Karloff narrates, in front of his Dante-esque fire, never fails to creep me out. Check it out if you get a chance.

6 out of 7 people found the following review useful:
Wonderful B-horror outing from famed NOLA director Jack Weis., 5 July 2001
10/10

This is an ultra-rare outing from New Orleans filmmaker Jack Weis, who's later work included the more widely received MARDI GRAS MASSACRE. Whereas MASSACRE took place in New Orleans the city, this film takes place in the bayous beyond.

The plot concerns a drab war veteran who seeks isolation in the swamps of Louisiana. However, when three robbers find out that he has a stash of money from his army days, they seek to rob him, only to kill him in the process. Ted, the war veteran, is not dead, however, and is revived by a snake woman named Damballa, who is constantly naked, and has yellow eyes. Together Damballa and Ted seek revenge on those who've wronged him.

This is easily one of the best movies I've ever seen. Weis was the king of demented cinema long before there was a David Lynch or Cronenberg, or Wes Craven. His depiction of Louisiana is one of a foggy, mystic, shrouded place where anything can happen, and does. And, although MASSACRE was a bit more exciting, CRYPT's scripting and FX soar above the film that followed it.The FX are impressive, and dated. The acting is as bad as it gets. And the style of the movie is pure Midnight Movie material, from one of the most underrated and unappreciated directors of our time (right up there with H.G. Lewis and Fredrick Hobbs).

Though known for many years as an alternate title for MASSACRE, CRYPT is its own movie entirely and is being distributed through Something Weird Video since 1998.

3 out of 3 people found the following review useful:
Much like a male perspective on `LA FEMME NAKITA', 29 May 2001

I gathered from this film, when seeing a preview for it, that it looked much like a male perspective on Luc Besson's `LA FEMME NAKITA' or John Badham's `POINT OF NO RETURN.' On viewing, I found that I was right. It's the story of Joe (Justin Lazard, who would later rise to notoriety in `big' films like `SPECIES II' and `UNIVERSAL SOLDIER: THE RETURN') who is a criminal, and gets busted by the cops on some kind of illegal transaction. He is then recruited to work for the government as a hit man by a woman named Mary (Rachel York), whom Joe hates/falls for. In the end Joe tried killing his government companions and attempts to `get out' of the system. Though the action scenes are impressive, and the action is constant, the film lacks substance, and looks very much like a made for T.V. film. However, the end of the film is original, and good. If you want to see what `POINT OF NO RETURN' would've looked like with a man instead of Bridget Fonda, then this is your movie!

Fugitive Rage (1996) (V)
4 out of 6 people found the following review useful:
Time to dust off the female assassin plot again!, 29 May 2001

This time around it's not a Badham, or a Besson that tackles the now-popular female assassin formula, but B-movie great Fred Olen Ray. Ray has given us some truly terrible movies (1994's `ATTACK OF THE 60 FOOT CENTERFOLD') and some okay movies (like this one, and `POSSESSED BY THE NIGHT'). All in all Ray shows what he can truly do here in this VERY stylish thriller. Basically, Tara McCormick (Wendy Schumacher, one of the best looking women in Hollywood, and a good actress on top of that) is arrested for an attempted murder, and is recruited by the government to become a hit woman. The acting, for the most part, is subtle, and not over-done, like most of these movies. The action is right on the mark, and there's plenty of it. Basically, it functions not only as a good `NIKITA' clone, but also as a successful B-movie that over-comes its budget and delivers quality.

2 out of 2 people found the following review useful:
HILARIOUS!, 29 May 2001

I should start off by saying that Kevin Lindenmuth used to be somewhat of an acquaintance of mine, and I still maintain that the man is one of the single most talented men out there, and will some day challenge someone like Barker, or Hooper's throne of horror. This movie is awesome, and was directed on a shoestring budget on weekends by Kevin and his friends, and was made right before his best film `VAMPIRES AND OTHER STEREOTYPES.' It contains three stories; one about a man who's lies become so bad they materialize and threaten his life, another story about a boy running from the law with an irritating phantom by his side, and, finally, a story about a man who's bitten by a vampire AND a werewolf. It stars all of Kevin's regulars; Mick McCleery, and Laura McLaughlin. It is hilarious right down to the last story, and succeeds on all levels as an enjoyable movie. Sure there are some minor horrific scenes, and some cartoon-ish gore, but the film is mostly a comedy. Be sure and watch the behind-the-scenes stuff at the end so you can see the cast and crew having just as much fun making the movie as you'll have watching it.

1 out of 3 people found the following review useful:
BIZARRE, YET STRIKINGLY BEAUTIFUL!, 23 May 2001

I saw this film on video when it was picked up by Something Weird Video and distributed as LOVE HUNGER. Back in the 60's there was a popular sub-genre of film, called the `Swamp Movie,' another good example is Jack Weis's `Crypt of Dark Secrets.' LOVE HUNGER concerns a group of runaway crooks who shack up at an old man's cabin in the swamp, where the leader of the gang sneaks away each night to watch the daughter of a local bath. Soon the leader, Joe, and the daughter, Mara, fall in love and have to combat Joe's comrades who want their share of the loot and Mara with it. A pretty in depth love story, and lots of action and snappy dialogue to carry it along. Worth a look.


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