Change Your Image
Upload An Image
Crop And Save
Such a waste of a good cast
Clearly building on the success of Life on Mars and the relationship between John Simm and Philip Glenister comes Tu£sday; a movie about 3 separate groups of characters, all out to rob an Emerald from a bank and all decide to rob it at the same time.
Except it doesn't. I didn't care about the characters. I didn't care about the storyline and the bad Liverpool and Glaswegian accents just grated on me.
Hoping it would be a kind of Lock, Stock with the multiple interwoven story lines centred around a bank robbery, i was woefully disappointed.
The time line jumps around between scenes and slowly builds up everyone's story. Unfortunately this is just confusing rather than clever. The robbery is deeply uninspired and just a little too 'regular' for a movie. Adrenalin-pumping it is not! The actors look bored throughout and the film ends with the most predictable anti-climax I've seen in a long while.
I waited and waited for something exciting to happen. But nothing does, it just plods along at its own little pace, then it ends.
The only commendation I can give it, is that it's a nice trim 79 minutes so you won't waste too much of your life on it. Even 3 of those are spent on the most dull opening credits I've seen in a long while.
Hot Fuzz (2007)
Mmm, it was alright
Let me start by saying i love Spaced and Shaun of the Dead, both of which i've seen many many times on DVD (even got Spaced signed by the cast and Edgar) so you can understand my excitement on watching Hot Fuzz.
Now i'm home after watching at the cinema both my wife and i thought it was alright. Nothing more. Don't get me wrong, i can think of worse ways of spending 2 hours but it just didn't feel as _sharp_ as shaun.
The best thing about Shaun is it's multi-layered. You can watch it again and again and spot things you missed the first time around. It credits you with a brain and lets you work things out for yourself. Hot Fuzz feels the need to help you along by using constant ghost voice overs reminding you of specific dialogue at salient points.
I think i was just expecting more from it, i was waiting to see slow-mo shoot outs in the village hall, fast cutting one-on-one shoot outs. Walking away from explosions with shotguns over their shoulder. There seemed to be none of that.
Although there were laughs, they weren't belly laughs. Anyone who watched Shaun will remember them bashing a zombie with pool cues in time to 'Don't Stop Me Know' will smile to themselves. It was more humorous with a couple of in jokes to older Wright-Pegg material. I don't think i actually laughed loudly once during the whole movie.
It also seemed to be for a larger audience. Shaun was cult through and through. It paid homage to so many zombie movies it was hard to keep count and some of them were so subtle it was hard to spot without multiple viewings (Foree Electronics anyone?). Hot Fuzz seemed more generic and tried to be a movie in itself rather than paying homage to anything specific, although i did spot the Lethal Weapon reference quite clearly.
So there we have it, it was amusing, but not funny. There was action, but you have to wait a while for it. And some of the characters seemed to be there just for the sake of getting someone famous in. I've never seen Bill Bailey so underused in anything in my life.
It was alright
Ladder 49 (2004)
How predictable can one movie get
This comment DOES contain spoilers, but it really doesn't matter as you won't even care.
Synopsis: The flashback story of a guy who came from being a rookie in the fire department to getting where he is now (wounded in a burning building).
Not since Armageddon have I seen such a large collection of clichés in one movie.
-Rookie joins up, going through 'initiation' of practical jokes, takes in good jest.
-Meets future wife in supermarket, he's the quiet 'friend' of the jock trying (unsuccessfully) to chat up girl no.2
-Future wife is instant hit with all his workmates and is able to drink them all under the table.
-'Couldn't be happier' part 1
-Close friend and colleague dies in accident during the line of duty. Emotional funeral, lots of lingering shots on vacant faces still in shock.
-Wife says 'I don't want you to do this any more'
-He takes up the search and rescue position over from his dead friend and colleague. Coincidentally the most dangerous position.
-Everything goes swimmingly for a couple of years including child's birthday party with about 50 guests all laughing and joking with the kids. No-one pukes, passes out or argues.
-'Couldn't be happier' part 2
-Close friend and colleague gets close to dying in accident.
-Wife doesn't want him to do this any more.
-At this point i was bored out of my mind and said to my wife 'The only thing that would save this movie any dignity is if he died'.
-Fast forward on 4-speed through the last 15 minutes.
You've seen this movie before, of course you have. They say and do everything we've seen a thousand times before. I didn't care one jot about any of the characters. I didn't care if he lived or died. I didn't even care about any of his colleagues names. The only one i can actually remember was the main character, called what else but 'Jack'.
Save your money, go flush your toilet for 105mins and watch that instead. After a while you'll know what's coming at what point but it's exactly the same watching this movie.
Malcolm in the Middle (2000)
The funniest TV show since The Simpsons
Malcolm in the Middle is the day to day life of a normal family in America. Normally this kind of show is reserved for kid's viewing but the brilliance of it is that it works so perfectly on 2 levels, you can see the situations through the innocent eyes of the kids but also through the adult eyes of the parents and how they view the same situations.
Each of the characters are perfectly played with every single one of them totally believable. Sometimes The Simpsons plays too much on sentimental family values but there is none of that in this show. How many young kids do you know who tell their parents they love them and give them a big hug.
The writers and producers seem to be tuned into the minds of parents and kids equally and they definitely know that there are just some kids that naturally get into trouble, no matter how hard they try not to.
Every episode is brilliantly written with the perfect balance given to all characters. Long may it continue after people have gotten bored of The Simpsons (which they are doing!)
Batoru rowaiaru (2000)
Battle Royale is the story of a not-so-distant future, one where schoolkids have completely lost their respect for authority and believe that they rule the schools. Because of this the BR act is passed by the government. This basically means that they take a random bunch of kids every year, dump them on a remote island and force them to kill each other within 3 days until one is left. If they disobey, try to escape or there is more than one left by the end, the collars they are fitted with will explode.
The entire act is played out like a game show, with reporters eager to talk to the winner and even a display on-screen twice a day of who has died and how many are left. Just to throw an extra measure of unnevenness to it, each 'contestant' is given a sack with provisions and a random weapon. This weapon might be an crossbow or a sub-machine gun if you're lucky or it could be a pair of opera glasses or a pot lid if you're unlucky.
The thing that makes a movie like this so believable is the high emotion that runs throughout. All the schoolkids feel exactly as we, the viewers, would. They're terrified, paranoid of each other, the meek suddenly turn in absolute psychos, some of them try to reason with others whilst others simply take their own lives.
Imagine 'The Running Man' but take out the glamour and snappy one-liners of Hollywood and put in it's place 15 year olds who are very scared and very human.
Remember the cold feeling you had when watching Alex beating a couple while singing 'Singing in the Rain', you didn't want to watch it but you couldn't look away, that's what this entire film is like.
This film cannot be recommended highly enough and once you watch the first ten minutes you will not want to be disturbed for the full 2 hours. Once you have seen it you'll be wanting to tell everyone about it. I warn you though, you are in for an uncomfortable ride!
Jeepers Creepers (2001)
Biggest pile of sh** i have ever seen
I started watching this film in high hopes, didn't know what to expect at all and for the first 30 minutes it builds up the tension, albeit extremely slowly.
Then the film kicks into overdrive and for most films this is a good thing.... but not with this film.
It is the most pathetic, useless, nonsensical waste of bum-ache i have ever had the misfortune to watch, not since Crocodile Dundee in LA have i disliked a film so much.
It stank worse than a toilet the morning after a heavy beer drinking/curry session. The acting was diabolical, the bad guy tries to be a Freddy/Jason/Michael Myers but ends up being less scary than Kermit the Frog. The main stars don't run when they're supposed to (No, hang on, i want to see if he's really dead...!!! DUUUUHHHH!!!).
I would only recommend this movie to people who thought films like Tomb Raider and Eraser were 'really good movies coz there's tons of explosions in it'.
Avoid this film like you would Lorena Bobbet with a large Hatchet.
I warn you!
Hollow Man (2000)
The best Paul Verhoeven movie since Robocop
The first decent film by Paul Verhoeven since Robocop.
Having not really enjoyed Starship Troopers and don't even get me started on Showgirls, i was a little dubious about seeing Hollow Man but i must now admit i really enjoyed it.
Hollow Man is basically a modern day version of The Invisible Man: Man turns invisible to see what it's like, starts out a little mischievous, end up as a raving psychotic that just won't die!
It is around the 2 hour mark and keeps a nice steady pace throughout so you never get bored but on the other hand you don't get any of those blink and you'll miss it bits.
The screenplay is a little play by numbers. You can guess what's happening next without having a degree in media studies. 'He's dead, let's turn our back on him and walk off without properly checking first...', that kind of thing.
It's pretty obvious in the film that either a) Paul Verhoeven is a dirty old man or b) Elisabeth Shue is deperately trying to re-invent herself as a 30-something sex symbol! She wears the tightest tops and trousers known to man, she gets her kit off as much as she can but strangely in one scene where she's VERY cold, something is visibly missing but i won't go into that too much.
The one thing that can be commended as first rate are the effects. The production budget has been mostly spent on these and it's very obvious from the part where Kevin Bacon very slowly dissolves to the wires attached his invisible face; because there is SO much detail throughout you do actually believe that you're watching a transparent Kevin Bacon.
I can think of much worse ways to spend 2 hours in the evening than watching Hollow Man. A slightly formulaic but nonetheless enjoyable horror film.