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Jason X (2001)
Do they still have Fridays in SPACE?
I watched this movie on a dull Saturday night and it was exactly what I was expecting. It got dull a couple of times when things slowed down and had lots of murders. It wasn't as gory as I was expecting though, and after spending a few weeks watching disturbing torture porn, Jason X almost felt like a relief in a strange way. The murders were much quicker, and most of the time, much sillier.
There were several laugh out loud moments in the movie. For me they included: - The scene in which Jason X almost hilariously takes inspiration from Hannibal Lector in a 'switcharoo'. - The man whose body has been chopped in half, hilariously still crawling. -"What's going on out there?" IT'S JASON F***ING VOORHEERS" hehe - And the pure cartoon like violence of Jason beating the two camper girls with each others bodies.
I don't think this film is in any way terrible, there were moments that made me jump and moments that made me laugh but not nearly as many moments rolling my eyes as I thought there could be.
The actors are not brilliant, but they're not terrible. They're aware that they're in the 10th installment of a horror movie, but they still seem to give it a really good shot.
All in all, it's just one of those movies. Enjoy it. Don't take it to seriously.
Jason in space? Heck yes!
What just happened?
Wow. So I'm going to throw it out there straight away... I did not finish this movie, yet I feel like I just saw an amazing movie.
Pow. We open on a scene of a young girl, terrified. She is running. The camera work is subtle... Yet excellent. There is something happening here! Have I found the holy grail? The divine perfect proportion between disturbing and beautiful? Disgusting... Yet interesting?
I continue to watch...
My mind is telling me that there is something important to be said here....
It flashes to a moment in time where things have past, yet still exist. (Filmmakers? Spend more time here next time.)
My next 'memory' of this film reminds me of Kill Bill. A sudden, instantaneous shot of someone bursting through a door. The protagonist (?) has a shotgun. She is shooting people; there is no respite here. It is blood thirsty and the gore is plentiful.
This is where the movie ends for me. I continued to watch for another half hour and frankly? It upset me... Yet did not make me question anything. Why, oh why did they not leave this as a short film?
Instead? It turns into your general torture porn.
The two main actresses? Sublime! (Not to mention the simply brilliant performance of the young Lucie) The direction? Worth seeing. The movie? Watch it. But please, turn it off when you become bored.
Paranormal Activity (2007)
This will contain spoilers... Probably about how utterly AVERAGE this movie is.
I spent probably a good 3 or 4 years hearing about this movie from many people. People told me it was "terrifying!", they "had to sleep with the light on!", they "keep thinking about it!" I had hopes that it would be an indie, blue tinted combination of The Blair Witch Project and The Exorcism of Emily Rose. Both movies genuinely shocked and frightened me on the first viewing, and contained imagery and ideas that have stuck in my subconscious till this day. I was wrong.
The film started slowly and I stuck with it. There were some interesting ideas that they could have worked with in this film. In particular, I thought that they could have addressed modern day consumerism through the male lead, Micah, who has just purchased a very large black (ooeer!) camera. His girlfriends first comment upon seeing it? "What happened to the little hand held ones?" Hehehe. More of that subtle humour would have carried this film a little further into the realm of unintentional giggles, and to be honest? I LIKE that in a movie.
Although I found the two leads believable enough in the roles I couldn't feel myself engaging with them enough to truly care about them and I really can't find anything much to say about them... At least let me dislike them! When a filmmaker chooses to do the 'found footage' schtick it becomes almost impossible to make the movies cinematography attractive, and this film suffers from it. Watching it only 4 years later it already feels a little bit dated, and just doesn't hold enough interest of the era to make this interesting.
All in all? A disappointment.
Oh dear... An embarrassment to modern day horror.
Okay, I see that the film makers were trying to go for something a little bit different and a little bit unsettling but as hard as they try it just never quite hits the mark. It appears as low budget (the sound, lighting, filming etc) but doesn't offer enough of the important things to be able to fully enjoy this.
The acting is incredibly average and none of the characters are sympathetic... In a movie about terrible things that have happened to people how is it even possible for these characters to lack sympathy? The only character I found remotely interesting and likable was Abby, who was completely underused in favour of precociously unlikeable characters like Cheryl.
I've had to pause the movie several times to get through it as it just doesn't grip me... Someone needs to tell this generation of film maker that if they put as much effort into the dialogue and characterisation as they do the torture scenes that they would half a fantastic movie.
If you're into torture then skip the first hour and go straight to it, otherwise... skip the movie completely.
When in Rome (2010)
Possibly the worst rom-com EVER.
This movie is absolutely atrocious. It is poorly acted, Kristen Bell is at her absolute worst, and the rest of the cast seem uninspired. Perhaps they realised soon after signing on that this movie was terrible? You can almost see the embarrassment in some of the cast members eyes.
All the romcom stereotypes are there, and they are terribly executed.
I didn't laugh once, and was falling asleep within half an hour.
Honestly, this movie is offensive to single women, single men, and anyone with half a brain that had to waste their time on this. If this review stops one person from wasting time and/or money on this turkey then I'll be happy!
The Langoliers (1995)
After reading Stephen King's The Langoliers I decided to try and find out if there was a movie based on the book(since I had recently seen The Shining, Carrie, Stand By Me and Misery all of which I consider to be high quality movies). I managed to find the movie only to be hugely disappointed. The movie, The Langoliers is similar to the book, a group of strangers are stuck with each other after waking up to find that they are in a bizare place in time. Sounds simple and good enough, but instead of The Langoliers being The Shining, Carrie, Stand By Me or Misery(for that sake even Children of the Corn or It), but equal to Needful Things, The Tommyknockers and Pet Sematary. This movie is awful and I could hardly keep my eyes awake for the duration of the film.
Friday the 13th (1980)
This movie is everything it should be. It gets me going every time. Even though many say it was a rip off of Halloween I reckon it's better in the way they just went for it and had as many deaths as they thought was necessery. Every time me and my friends sit down to watch it we love it. Wonderful!!