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Note: Yes, some of these choices are odd. Feel free to disagree; after all, it's not "The Best Movies of All Time," but my choices for the top rating on NetFlix.
WHEN WILL SHE STOP SCREAMING?!
I'm not a comic book fan, nor am I a "Batman" fan. But unfortunately enough, my brother is... and he just had to get this from our local library. Having seen this before and being rather neutral to it, I wasn't expecting much whenever I happened to be in the room when he watched this.
The story is simple, and also simply stupid, which is #1 on Things I Hate About Batman (TIHAB, if you're acronym-ish). Maybe it's just me, but when you knock almost everyone out at a museum, it makes more sense to actually steal the paintings than to deface them. The Joker doesn't realize this, apparently, so he throws paints onto them. Even if he thinks he's improving art, well, even I know that flat, 2D colors don't enhance things.
Also, rather than actually bothering to get better plastic surgery done on his face, the Joker decides to go and just put makeup on. If he's such a good criminal, why doesn't he do that after a while? Duh.
#2 on TIHAB is the worst part of the film: Kim Basinger's character. I know, Batman & the Joker need a love interest, but couldn't they have her progressively get quieter? You'd think she'd get used to all this anarchy around her, but no. She screams throughout the whole film, and I can just picture other events with her character: "AHHH! A fly is on my monitor!" "AHHH! I heard a noise!" "AHHH! This pencil is sharp!"
Since I can't think of anything else to bash on about this film, I'll just stop with this quote from the film:
AAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHH H!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! --Kim Basinger's character (repeated line).
The Singles Ward (2002)
"The Apartment" for Mormons
Even though I'm Mormon, I didn't get most of the jokes. But this doesn't matter, as some parts are funny even if you aren't Mormon. (i.e. "Yes! I'm going to Boise, Idaho! Where's a map?")
Later after seeing this, I noticed similarities to "The Apartment," as both are films based on a place you wouldn't really think would have romantic relationships between members unless you go there. Also, there are many scenes in apartments, and have something about religions in other apartments besides the main character's (the doctor in "The Apartment" seems to be Jewish, while one occupant in "Singles Ward" isn't Mormon compared to everyone else).
Both are good films, though on different levels.
The Glass House (2001)
I should have known (spoilers)
I should have known that this film would be stupid. It acts smart, but you can tell from the beginning that these Glasses killed the parents.
Also, the ending is totally unreal. There seems to be NO proof that there has been any problem, aside from total paranoia, so how do these kids stay out of jail? Also, the Glass guy survives getting hit on the head with something hard, driving over a cliff, but can't survive getting hit by a car? PLEASE! The ending should have had that "one fatality" police officer staying alive, but upon hearing their alibi as to why they disconnected the breaks, he gets them thrown into jail. It is NOT believable when they are still eligible for foster care despite having killed two people!
Everyone, begin to throw your stones.
Constantly hitting my head
Why did I see this?! My brother was constantly telling me that some people he knows liked it. I kept trying to say no, but I kept saying, "I don't know." Eventually, I just decided to go see it.
Just when he gets his spider-powers, the film documents how headache-inducing the camerawork can be, constantly moving when he's swinging around. I didn't like the idea of unlimited web shooting--after all, it must have provided a challenge in the comics, and he's a science whiz, so what's to stop him from designing something like that? It showed where it stuck at one point (a crane at a construction site), but after that, we have few ideas of where it could stick! And, they stole from other movies, such as the much more enjoyable "Arthur" (about getting to the neighborhood through multiple rides), and the boring "Episode 1" (about Mary Jane being an "angel").
I have got to stop believing the majority. (Well, in the case of "Minority Report," maybe I should believe them.) Why do you need a comics adaption of every single comic book?
Make more movies like "Cube," "Waking Life," "Pi," or at least "AI: Artificial Intelligence," Hollywood! Or, to Sam Raimi, go back to making movies like "Darkman." It wasn't very great, but it was way better than selling out!
Actually quite funny
Rather than see it as an introduction to the Python, I saw this just to see the only other Python film that was PG in the US. I had seen "Monty Python And The Holy Grail," which wasn't as funny (A killer rabbit? Policemen arresting knights? A knight killing innocent people for no reason? IS NOT FUNNY! --small giggle--). I actually laughed more at this than at "Holy Grail," possibly because it wasn't just one thing with a few things different--it was almost always completely different!
Having seen 1.03 episodes of the show, I must say that though they seem to have a longer time with the sketches because it wasn't restrained to about 5 minutes ("The Deadliest Joke In The World" had more content that I would have liked to see in this), this had more sketches and was much funnier. Their best movie (even though lots are saying that they could have done better). Rating: 4/6 (for being rrreeeaaalllyyy weird)
Pretty good for a kid's film
I usually like thinking films more than mainstream ones. This was actually good, though.
A teenager who desperately wants a car finds a watch that enables him to enter "hypertime," where everything around him stops (or goes rrrreeeeaaalllyyy slow). But there are (what else?) people after the watch, which actually stops his antics with the watch, and puts his life and his father's at risk.
Some things aren't right. For example, if you were moving so fast, than how come (I think) a television set isn't moving as fast as him? (It would be constantly remaking the image, not showing it just as slow as everything around him.) Also, if the watch allows anything touching him to go into hypertime as well, and he's touching the ground, than how come everything doesn't go into hypertime minus the airplanes in the air? And, a car going at over 200 mph has everything outside of it looking like it's standing still? You'd have to go 186,000 miles per second for that to happen.
But that's not the point of the film. The point is to have fun. And I enjoy relativity, so the time freezing makes the film better than it would be without a quick explanation on going faster than everything else.
Waking Life (2001)
I knew this would be weird, but...
I never thought it could be this strange. Some parts weren't entirely necessary (the scene in the jail, and the bar scene that ends in two guys getting shot), but everything else worked. The best part is (possibly could ruin the movie up here) they never told you if that main character woke up for real or had another false awakening. Plus, the final images were rather confusing--another plus.
The animation was especially good, to where you could think that they hadn't really filmed this in live action at all. (Note: Part of the live action "Waking Life" was shown on the DVD--and it seemed more like a documentary than a normal film.)
Go see this unless you have very little idea of how to pay attention to a film.
My favorite film in the world is "Cube," and one of the things that made me like it was the usage of half-complex mathematics to enhance the plot. (I don't see primes as being truly complex unless it goes into over 2 digits, but since it used 3-digit primes, that made it more complex.) Remembering some time after seeing "Cube" about some film called "Pi," I looked at the plot, and found myself wanting to see it so much that I memorized 15 digits of pi before watching it. (3.14159265358979)
Some things about "Pi" aren't perfect, such as the fact that the "supercomputer" Max built uses those big floppy disks, long outdated even in 1998, and the idea of a 216-digit number actually enabling someone to see everything (i.e. the upcoming numbers on the stock market), but those are minor complaints. The movie introduced me to such theories as the golden ratio, theta, golden rectangle, spirals in everything, etc. (Note: I'm almost out of 6th grade--not a safe age to watch this at--so if I seem to not have heard of something they introduced in high school, that's why. Also, I'm using the names given in the film, so if they're wrong, I haven't learned their correct names.) The movie actually has a reason for using weird music--for example, the music playing whenever Max has a headache almost makes you have a headache (possibly when combined with black-and-white photography).
Rating: 10 out of 6 (almost as good as "Cube")
The Outer Limits (1995)
This is more insane than the millions who have seen "American Pie" (2)
Rule #1 on Remakes of Anthology Shows: Watch the original enough to know what it's about.
The makers of the new "Twilight Zone" probably did this. But remaking "Twilight Zone" is EASY--it was about all sorts of things.
The Outer Limits is a whole different story. The original was about three things: Monsters, details of science, and human nature. The new one is more like "Tales From The Crypt" (cable anthology show) with "The Twilight Zone" (all about multiple things) and a little dash of "TOL" (a few remakes of old episodes).
Notice something? I've seen PLENTY of episodes of the original because they were so appealing--even "Specimen: Unknown" couldn't stop my viewership. The new, however, had me for exactly 1 hour and 12 minutes.
For one, let's go over the narration. The New Control Voice sounds nothing like Vic Perrin! With the "controlling transmission" thing, it is so different. "We can deluge you with a thousand different channels, or sharpen one image to crystal clarity--and beyond. We can shape your vision to anything our imagination can concieve." The original had "if we wish to make it louder, we will bring up the volume. If we wish to make it softer, we will tune it to a whisper." "We can roll the image. We can make it flutter. We can change the focus to a soft blur, or sharpen it to crystal clarity." "We repeat, there is nothing wrong with your television set." NONE OF THAT!
Also, the episodes have been tuned to a "Twilight Zone" feel. Compare two episodes of the original and the new:
ORIGINAL "The Architechts Of Fear:" A group of scientists decide to change one of them into a strange creature in order to get the world to be peaceful. But the person who changes will be announced dead and will never return to normal life. The person dies, and his pregnant wife learns the truth.
NEW "Descent:" A scientist cannot get funding for a project involving primitive people who hunted food rather than bought, so he injects the genes of one into himself. He turns into a hunter, and beats a man to near death. When another scientist finds out what he did, she tries reversing it, btu he doesn't want to. He is turned into an exhibit on primitives, which he earlier didn't like.
Okay, bad choices. But "Architechts" was one of the best. "Descent" was the only one I watched all the way through.
Overall, the old one is better. Even though it has cheesy ideas (a two dimensional monster?), at least they worked. The new one could have been something good. If only they thought of NOT calling it "The Outer Limits."
Sunset Blvd. (1950)
Audiences don't know somebody sits down and WRITES a picture. They think the actors make it up as they go along.
In about 5 months, I've found about 7 great movies. This is one of them.
A screenwriter hides his car in a garage that he doesn't know belongs to Norma Desmond, a once-great silent film queen. Now she has written a picture that (brace yourselves) is longer than "Titanic," and is much worse. He tricks her into paying him a lot, but then everything seems to go wrong...
Watch this. NOW. Unless you actually LIKE what Hollywood makes; this un-glorifies Hollywood to what it truly is.