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This is what Hollywood does
So Stabone wanted to depart from his usual toughguy persona, and do some comedy. That's what Dolly does. Since they are both big stars with big box office, a couple of producers said "Hey, how about if we set this up so Dolly says she'll make the next guy who walks in the door a country western singer, and Stabone, the New York cabbie walks in! Bingo, fish out of water meets My Fair Lady!"
Small problem. Stabone, despite all of the studio tricks in the world, and songs written to limit his need to actually sing, is absolutely the worst singer on earth. And I imagine on the set, because Stabone is Stabone, nobody told him. I'm guessing they said "sounds great, Sly"! And "you're as good as Frank (Stabone)".
When Stabone "sings", it sounds actually like he is gruffly saying "Ruh Ruh Ruh" into the microphone. Then, Dolly and her friends say "Wow, he's great!", which seems unlikely. The script is filled out with some incredibly lame jokes, delivered by Stabone, who, in addition to not being a singer, is also not a comedic actor. There is also some sort of romance supposedly blooming between Stabone and Dolly, which again seems somewhat unlikely, because he is a young handsome in-shape dude, and she is some sort of weird huge-bosomed southern anomaly, possibly created in a laboratory.
I would like to see this shown in midnight movies. I believe it would draw great raucous crowds who would come back week after week. After that, perhaps a broadway adaptation in 10 years.
Confession: This is One Dangerously Bad Movie
This movie looks like the kind of picture that was in development for 10 years. What a freaking disaster. Trying to be 10 pictures at once. Trying to be a love story, a potboiler, a biopic, a period piece. It's a piece all right.
Loved the book when I read it ten years ago. Doesn't seem like the screenplay came from the same book; all they have in common is the title.
Once again, the overrated principals involved fail to make an interesting picture. How can people actually think these terrible movies Soderburgh is making are any good at all? It's all style, no substance, and technically lousy filmmaking. And Clooney? The only thing he's proven is that as a director, I guess his acting isn't that bad. Oh, and Drew Barrymore is typically forgettable. Keep mugging for the camera, Drew, someone apparently finds it charming. I really don't mean to be so freaking negative, I appreciate the hard work that entertainers do, but this is honestly a lousy effort. How it has a 7.2 rating on IMDB shows how little IMDB users actually know about anything.
Road House (1989)
Waitress, there's a tooth in my glass
Swazee makee me crazee with his philosophee punching wayzies! Dalton, do yer punchin' whilst bleach blonde Kelly Lynch cottons bunchin'. Sam Elliot says grizzled and grisled beef that's what's for dinner. Hey Kevin Tighe! No more career Emergency! for you! (for now!) Blues twanger Jeff Healy turn yer Angel Eyes away from the hate in Brad Wesley's Gazarrified heart! The polar bear on wheels may have put in the best performance here. John Doe, X marks the spot where you touched me as Pat McGurn, Wesley's nephew. Carrie Ann, Barmaid/Singer at Double Deuce, you better knock, knock on wooden acting. See the sex scene that launched the against-the-wall coitus craze of the 90s! If there were an Oscar for mullet count, and there should be, it would be Rowdy Herrington to the stage please.
The Specials (2000)
Whew. Not good
The type of movie that makes you wonder "how did this get made?" I mean it's got some talented people in it. Good actors. I like Thomas Hayden Church A LOT, and same for Jamie Kennedy. Rob Lowe's a deek, but he's at least famous. I guess they were working for a paycheck, because this script IS TERRIBLE. Not funny. Great idea. The fact that this and Mystery Men failed so miserably with basically the same premise/conflict set up makes me want to write the same movie only MAKE IT FUNNY THIS TIME. It doesn't get a 1 because the performances are really a 7 or 8.
Donnie Darko (2001)
Not as good as some say, and not as bad as others. The kind of movie that "really makes you think" if you haven't spent much time thinking, which is probably why it's rated so high...plenty of kids voting. Jake Gyllenhaal does a pretty good job, and Mary McDonnell is typically excellent. Drew Barrymore is totally miscast, but since she "exec produced" it, I guess she cast herself. The politics stuff is totally out of place and ridiculous. I liked the Church and Echo songs, and thought the "music video" segments were neato. An interesting film in an "art for art's sake" way. That's it. If you think it's one of the best films ever made, you need to see more films. Go rent Touch of Evil right now. What, you haven't even seen Citizen Kane yet? Please stop voting on IMDB.
Double Jeopardy (1999)
A STEAMING PILE OF DOG POOP
I saw it on a plane and wanted to jump out. At one point, I blurted out "for God sakes, come on". Film appreciation can be subjective. In this case, however, I'm sorry, if you liked this movie, YOU ARE WRONG. IT'S POOP. ABSOLUTE POOP. The script and acting are lousy, but more importantly, THE DIALOG SEEMS TO HAVE BEEN WRITTEN BY A 4 YEAR OLD. It honestly doesn't seem like a professional writer could have written it; I think you could pick a slow 5th grader at random, and he or she could do as good a job. I'd rather watch a Fear Factor marathon. If you hooked jumper cables to my genitals and offered a choice between flipping the switch and watching this movie, I'd probably say "GIVE ME THE JUICE". Give me a hair sandwich, a jalapeno enema, make me have sex with an old lady, just don't make me watch THE WORST MOVIE I'VE EVER SEEN, DOUBLE JEOPARDY STARRING ASHLEY JUDD. Thank you.
Love the Who. Love Ann Margaret. Unfortunately, this is a steaming pile of dog poop. I was really stoned when I saw it, so that wasn't the problem. It's just a lot of disturbing imagery. The only thing positive about it, perhaps, is that it portrays the desperate, frantic nature of drug addiction, directly and indirectly, through images.
Then there's the Ann Margaret rolling around with the turds thing. Truly appropriate. What a turd-festival.
Stay away like it has SARS.
Dead Presidents (1995)
The Hughes Brothers have a visual sense, and can direct action, but the dialog was pretty pedestrian, and there was a sense of too many people working here.
It's a war pic, it's a romance, it's a heist movie, it's a buddy movie, it's a message movie.
Clarity, gentlemen. Let one person write the script and stick to it (with small adjustments).
There was some to praise here, including the fact that the Hughes Bros. drew excellent performances from several actors here (Keith David is always convincing), and especially Larenz Tate. He's a good young actor...I'm surprised to see he's done little of note since.
The Royal Tenenbaums (2001)
What's the big deal?
Like Anderson's previous work "Rushmore", "Tenenbaums" got tons of hype, and raves as being "groundbreaking" and "brilliant".
I can't really see what the fuss is about. As a comedy, Tenenbaums simply didn't make me laugh. At all. I didn't even know what I was supposed to laugh at.
As a drama, the story was mildly interesting. The characters were pretty flat, though, and really didn't do anything to make care a bit what happened to them.
Great actors, especially the always great Huston, and Luke Wilson had some moments. Gwenyth Paltrow has depth, but again, in this film her character seemed one-dimensional.
All I can guess, is that like the music of Tenacious D, and the films of Guy Ritchie, the hipsters amongst us have decided that Wes Anderson is cool, and his material is vague enough that these people can claim that there's more going on than actually is.
There isn't. Zoolander is 10 times the comedy this thing is. I'm giving it a 4 to offset the dopes that gave it a 10. 6 is probably more fair.
Love Stinks (1999)
I'm sorry, but this movie is absolutely hi-freaking-larious! It's truly politically incorrect, and the kind of film the dopes in Hollywood are usually afraid to make.
I caught this movie accidently, and expected it to suck because all of the reviews were awful.
Shows how much they know. Fact of the matter is, if you can get by the near misogyny of a man screaming how much he ABSOLUTELY HATES a woman (who deserves it), this movie is FALL-DOWN-FUNNY.
It's directed by Jeff Franklin, who's happens to be the demonic creature who wrought "Full House" for a decade. He apparently had a similarly bad relationship in his past, because the vitriol Stewart's character (a TV writer, no surprise) spews, sounds authentic, and personal.
Perhaps the cheesy pap he knocked out as the Olson Twins' director made him want to go far in the other direction...I don't know.
All I can say is French Stewart, Bill Bellamy, and Brigit Whatsername were hi-freaking-larious in this well-put together comedy. It's a 9.
Rent it, you won't regret it.