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xXx: State of the Union (2005)
XXX-2: Black Man's Fantasy
This movie is the epitome of absurd plots. I'm not even too sure I could make a decent essay out of this thing. xxx-2: State of the Union is about the black man sticking it to the white man, seriously. xxx 2 revolves around ex-Navy Seal and now convict Darius Stone, aptly played by the man in black himself Ice Cube. Stone is spirited out of prison by Agent Augustus Gibbons, played by Hollywood's top angry man Samuel L. Jackson. Stone is recruited to discover the mastermind behind a attack on a intelligence base. field office built beneath a horse farm. I love the critic lines such as "fires on all cylinders", "Tour DE force", and "Prepare for...". Actually that last one is perfect for this film. I honestly believe people must prepare themselves for this creation.
Race is huge in this movie. Its basically a cinematic hand job for the black population. If you are black, this movie will empower you. The most offending thing in this movie is how white people are just put down at every turn. For instance. When Stone is escaping from prison. If you happen to notice that all the guards are white, and nearly all the inmates are minorities. My favorite inmate is in the prison courtyard, he resembles a elderly Baptist minister. Anyway, he cheers Stone's escape from the white guards, he cheers because Stone is black and therefore innocent of whatever got him put in prison. Stone just kicks the ever loving crap out of all the guards then when running on the roof(7 stories up) and nears the end of the roof. Natuarally because he is black and has amazing and natural athletic prowess, he keeps running and jumps off the roof and grabs hold of a magically appearing helicopter's landing bar. He then fly to safety. There is also this hot blonde woman named Charlie who winds up being a double agent. She originally seemed like a trustworthy piece of eye candy. She invites Stone back to her father's house, but daddy is not home. She starts talking to stone like she wants to play a game of Big Buck Loose in the Plantation House. She frames Stone for murdering a general, who is white. When Stone finds the kidnapped Agent Gibbons being held under Charlie's control, Gibbons tells Stone to "kill that b****". Stone does not kill her. In the end of the movie Charlie is cornered by Gibbons who then kills her, Gibbons eyes dart toward Stone and calmly says "I told you, you should have killed that bitch".
The amount of white people who die or are beaten in this movie compared to the amount of blacks that suffer the same fate are drastically lopsided. Honestly, a black person does not get hurt in this film other than Gibbons who gets thrown around in one scene. All the white people in this movie are totally disposable. There is this one character with the suburban name of Toby Lee Shavers. He is the "Q" of the XXX division. He has blonde parted hair and wears a sweater and a tie. He uses words like "crunk" when Stone is driving thru the hood. Xihibit also stars as one of Stone's old friends. They team up to save the president from assassination by storming the Capitol Building with souped-up, armored, and weapon laden Land Rovers which they build in an enormous and well equipped and yet illegal chop shop in the ghetto of D.C.. When a federal agent warns Xhibit that the enemy will have tanks, Xhibit puts his hands on his shoulder and says "Leave the tanks to me, if it got wheels, we can jack it. Trust me daddy-o". Although, not all black characters are strong steely types. Gibbons' reflects the Colin Powell type. He may be black but he gets educated by Stone on a quote "Wars come and go, but my soldiers stay eternal". Gibbons asks if that was Jefferson or Patton who said the quote. Stone replies, "Tupac".
The whole movie revolves around the awkward white people getting re-assured by the black man. This movie is the wet dream of the African-American community. The whites have done got themselves into a fix, and its up to us black folk to get them out, and also save the President of the United States in the process. Honestly, this movie offends me greatly. The only main white character is Willem Dafoe's character of a deranged Secretary of Defense.Who in the final bullet-train sequence, kills everyone that looks at him cross ways or serves no purpose. So the only character the white audience sees is a murderous nut job. I love this movie and yet I cannot stand it. xxx-3 is apparently going to be set in South East Asia. Why do I get the sinking feeling that Jet Li will be fighting against an American Opium Lord as played by Jeff Goldblum.
I give this movie a 4 out of 10 just for the sheer eye candy of it all.
Ator 2: L'invincibile Orion (1984)
I could only like this movie if I had an I.Q. of 28 and no common sense
Well I have an I.Q. of 160 and common sense, but the thing is I still do not understand the plot. Why did someone spend thousands of dollars on this s***. Did they think that they would be a giant blockbuster like Star Wars or Conan. How could he make a hang gllider out of the materials at that time. Schindler's List was the exact opposite(180') of this ****. If you watch this film and enjoy it you need help. Thank You
Manos: The Hands of Fate (1966)
What the HELL is this S***
I'm sorry if you were under the impression that film could not get this bad. This is pure un-adulturated, putrid, hell hold worthy S***. I swear Red Zone Cuba(only see the MST#K version *Please do it for your dignity*) is horrible but at least that was S*** with an American G.I. wanna-be theme. This movie only goes to show how low the cinema levels will drop before something comes around that makes people wish that DOOMS DAY had come yesterday. Why. Why. Why. Why. Why. Why. Why. Think about it people spent money on this. MONEY!!!!!!(or better yet) MONEY??????????? I can't even write about this movie without feeling ashamed. ONLY SEE THIS MOVIE IF YOU LIKE S***, OR IF YOU SEE THE MST3K VERSION. Thank you.
Night Train to Mundo Fine (1966)
WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT
Holly bull s*** Batman. I do not think that you could pay me to see this. Maby you could, but would you want to spend your money on this movie in any way besides a public burnning. I hope the makers of this film realize what this movie has done to cinema. Think about it did they think that this move would win OSCARS, or perhaps be a blockbuster in any way shape or form. This is S*** people. S***. I do not care how you put it it will always come back to S***. I can no longer write about this movie for fear I will be judged later for seeing it. Oh before You let me go I would like to end with a quote from the movie and my own version(WARNING you will only get it if you watch the movie *MST3K version PLEASE DO IT FOR YOUR SELF RESPECT*). Here it goes"Water, thirsty, sick man" and my version "Gun, kill me, I'm a bad actor Oh wait I'm not an actor if I am apart of this S*** ". THANK YOU.
GOOD OLD HUMOR THAT IS STILL FUNNY.
I first saw this movie when i was little like 5 or so. I can't tell you how funny the movie is. The giant mosquito, the drug induced T-Rex, and my favorite the wimpering Ice Monster. It was one of Ringo's and Quaid's best performances. The hopping was the best. I love this movie and will always be one of my my favorites. Thank You
Enemy Mine (1985)
this movie is GREAT
I feel that this movie is under appreciated and did not get the box-office recepts it deserved. I'm sure any of you would adopt Zomies in a flash. Dennis Quaid was great and so was Louis Gossit Jr. I believe that 4.5 million is just wrong. Hell Carpool starring Tom Arnold got 10 million.
The Thin Red Line (1998)
I'm sorry was this supposed to be good?
Look people this could have been a good movie,BUT-. First of all there was too much poetry in it are we supposed to feel sorry for these guys because they come up with shakespere while the gooks are slaughtering Jonny Doeboy. Terrance Malick(or however you spell it) should have stayed in heyatous or whatever(call it hermitt crab syndrome). Thank god it did not take any Oscars away from Saving Private Ryan. I guess I have to say some thing about the way it was advertised. On the poster George Cloony is 4 or so down the list of like 9 people. The thing is you are supposed to do that list by part size and a crummy monoloque at the end does not warrant a 4th place ranking. Sorry George.If there was one good scene it was the Jap who was talking to the U.S. soldier in that lingering voice. The teeth scene was good also. But why all the swimming with the native kids. WHY?