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The Puzzle Place (1994)
The Puzzle Place Kicks Gluteus Maximus!
... If you don't believe me, just ask the concerned public. Why was this show cancelled? It was pure genius ... whoever created such a masterpiece should be knighted -- no! Sainted! "The Puzzle Place" could have been used in elementary schools to explain good morals and manners to children just verging on the kindergarten age.
Every episode contained an incessant reel of socialized brainwash ... made lacy and inviting with promises of singing and dancing puppets and their strangely human relatives. ... And I always had a crush on Skye.
In the words of a highly shrewd and experienced colleague of mine: "This movie is either stupid, or so incredibly deep I can't even fathom it."
So says the guru ...
Scamper the Penguin is laughable; the sound effects are inane. I believe, more than once, the sound of someone knocking on a door was used for various purposes. If you are fond of creating Mystery Science Theater 3000 -esque witticisms whilst watching a movie, this very well could be your next project. Oh, how it will satisfy you.
The eternal question: Was the German scientist guy really homosexual? Why do the penguins keep on changing colors?
Oh God! Mom, they're showing the same scene again!
I Wet Myself
All I will say about "Aladdin and the King of Thieves" is that the segment where the genie splits himself into multiple clones and for two minutes goes around chanting 'Code Red, Code Red!' I thought I would absolutely die. It was, and still is hilarious to me, and you'll always find me in stitches, for one.
Titan A.E. (2000)
The Movie of ... Romance?
Personally, I will always have fond memories of this film, as it was the first that my now ex-boyfriend and I witnessed together and laughed at, hysterically. Oh, sure ... the animation was just fine ... peachy keen. Forgettable, but still, neat. The music was quite "rousing," and I actually thought I would be interested in the sound track ... something I'm not very used to thinking, definitely ...
I shall remember this eternally as the film of my first French kiss. Oh, the thrill, the emotion ... what a blend ...
The Perfect Storm (2000)
This movie saddened me. The end will make you wail. At least, if you're sentimental like that.
Also, if you have a migraine, it may be best to choose another film, for this one will only worsen the pain. As soon as I stepped out of the theater chair, I nearly toppled over.
Bring a friend to this'un! You're going to need 'em!
Arabian Nights (2000)
Vivid, Lush; A Feast for the Eyes!
Arabian Nights is a virtual banquet of mind-boggling visual pleasure... the element of special effects, the costumes and the beautiful performers (especially the ethereal Mili Avital) shall truly transport you to a parallel world; it will absorb you. Take my word, by the time the first part is over, you'll be thirsting for the second.
Super Mario Bros. (1993)
Whoo! A Sinfully Guilty Pleasure...
...It may be due to the fact that I'm a hormone-driven, lust-filled adolescent girl inflated with desire for John Leguizamo, but... I (trying to force the words)... like... this... movie.
Ah, there. I said it, all right. They have released me! Even though the script is disgusting, rude, insipid and shallow, I just have to swoon whenever that Latin Lovah opens those lovely, narrow lips of his to speak. Let's say it together: He's just plain sizzin'.
(PS. Listen for the tacky violin music in the scene where "Luigi" leaves his "Daisy." It always seems to induce a giggle from me and my comrades.)
The Pest (1997)
You'll be Ticked.
Let me put this lightly: Everyone, and I do mean everyone, will have some sort of complaint concerning the contents of this film. Why, there are enough racial slurs, sexual references, and jokes about -- well... "bodily excrement"... to go around even more than once.
John Leguizamo may be easy on the eyes, but some of the script may not be easy on the ears... especially in those of the sensitive.