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Solid action flick dragged down by editing issues
My quick rating - 6,1/10. Another all out action fest as the T-Virus is at critical mass, and the world population is about to be wiped out. This time Alice (Milla Jovovich) reunites with many former game members to venture back into the hive,where the whole thing started, in an attempt to stop the umbrella corporation once and for all. Great visuals in this one but one flaw is some seriously confusing camera work for the fight scenes. Really quick editing is used that often makes it tough to tell what is going on. Other than that, this is an enjoyable ride that has a seriously misleading name (at least by the ending they give). You'll see that once you check out the film. A pretty solid flick for what it is meant to be. I am not sure why it bombed so bad at the box office but I suppose people are getting tired of the same old formula like this and the previously viewed "Underworld" are following.
Death Race 2050 (2017)
Attempts to go back to its campy roots
My quick rating - 3.9/10. If you look at my database, you'll notice I kept this. Not because it was good, but because it tried to go back to the schlocky nonsense of the original (1973. of course, the year I was born). So the movie is the same ole, post apocalyptic world where a way to trim the population, even though they don't much bring attention to that, is by allowing drivers to kill people on the roads for sports and ratings. In doing so, this movie also tries to take jabs at the tech and always connected world along with politics. These attempts are slightly amusing but mostly fall flat. The effects are a joke, and the action is choreographed by a blind man (no offense if he/she was actually blind). This is what made the original so great, and what makes this pretty bad. It just needed to take this campy feeling and do something slightly different with it. Back to my original point, the cult classic is just that, and this belongs in the collection just because of its existence. So if you feel that way as well, check this one out. Nods to Mr. Corman for bringing that campiness back.
Blair Witch (2016)
Negate the first sequel and this would've been fine
My quick rating - 5,5/10. Definitely a step up up from the horrid sequel. I wasn't even much a fan of the first one but it did start a whole genre of mostly bad movies so have to give credit. Well, this movie follows a group of co-eds delving into the blair witch mystery surrounding what happened to one of their sisters. I didn't bother catching names. So the woman that ended up, well, in the cabin at the end of the original was never found and supposedly popped back up years later, so they want to go and find her. This leads to lots of strange noises, branches tied together and piles of stone. To be honest, this movie is shot very well and leads to a somewhat frightening experience. Nothing you won't see coming but still pretty good. The sound effects are entirely over the top to grab your attention so if you have surround sound, you will be putting it to the test. Overall, it does dig a bit deeper into the story, even if the writers took all kinds of creative liberties to do so. Not bad.
Fresh surprise to the "exorcist" type ficks
My quick rating - 5,9/10. Very nicely told story of a man who can enter into the dreams of the possessed and basically "exorcise" them in a religious way. So he removes the demons from those that are tormented by making them understand in the dream state that the demon isn't real and forces them to let go f their grasp of the host. In this case a particularly nasty evil has taken hold of a young boy and he must again confront the same demonic spirit that killed his wife. My description so far has been pretty poor, I just reread it, but I try to stick with first train of thought. Really a quite good flick that doesn't rely on gore to tell he story. The jump scares are sprinkled in to keep the audience paying attention (and often very unexpected) along with even a twist thrown in just when you have it all figured out. Even with the movies flaws, this is a recommended viewing that will really make you think how much better this could've been if it just got a little more attention. As it stands, it is better than most of the cookie cutter "exorcist" movies that have been littering the STV shelves lately. Check it out.
The Greasy Strangler (2016)
Strange yet enjoyable flick
My quick rating - 5,4/10. This is either a love it or hate it movie. Even though I lean towards the enjoyed it part, I can't just say it was good. The "so dumb it is funny" is plastered throughout this flick. Completely off the wall sex scenes, cartoon like kills and more inside jokes than can possibly be kept up with. But don't worry, those jokes will get repeated and drawn out way too long so you'll get them anyway. This coupled with a truly annoying soundtrack that will just get stuck in your head. The makers of this movie have to idolize Troma films (I know I do) since this just smells like it came from Lloyd Kaufman himself. If you want to see plenty of full frontal nudity, male included (huge prosthetic penises btw) then this is your movie. I could reveal more but let me just say, if a fan of movies, this is one of those you should see just because you have to. You may not like it but like I am right now, you will still be shaking your head wondering just what in the hell you just watched.
Yoga Hosers (2016)
Inside joke, and a few interesting cameos
My quick rating - 5,2/10. This is a very campy comedy/horror flick made by Kevin Smith. A couple years ago, Smith made a movie called "Tusk" which again was very outside the mainstream and really quite weird. Anyway, in that flick we were introduced to a character named Guy Lapointe (Johnny Depp) who reprises his role as a bumbling investigator looking into a case where a man is ripped apart from the inside (all I am going to say). He stumbles across two teenage girls who work at a store that happens to be the place where the dead man was last seen. The lovable "Colleens" have recently been tasked with watching the store instead of going to a big party, so the decide to bring the party to the store. Well, the party is all of two guys looking to get laid, or something along those lines. Maybe murdering them, who knows. But this is all more or less the subplot of the history of this store and the evil dolls that are roaming around killing people. If I sound confused, I am not, I am being somewhat vague and the movie is really just weird. This is not a bad thing, it definitely has its moments. This is obviously an inside joke for Smith and the whole group. Looking forward to part 3, now that I know there is one coming (end credits) so take this one in, check out Tusk first to be caught up, and next year will be "Moose Jaws" with the Colleens back again.
Officer Downe (2016)
Violence and comedy, can't go wrong
My quick rating - 5,5/10. Get your orgasm meter running. OK, you'll get that joke when you see the movie. This movie, as I assume the graphic novel was as well, is just plain fun. A renegade cop who can heal himself, well, sorta, is out to clean up the streets of MF'n Los Angeles. The profanity part will be filled in for you in the movie. In wiping the streets of crime, he must dispatch with the local gang of nuns running guns and get to the Fortune 500. If this sounds all cheesy and silly, it is, and on purpose. Our hero, played deadpan by Kim Coates, dispatches the bad guys within extreme prejudice. The gore tally is quite high but in a comic book way. Heads will be blown off, limbs fly and eyeballs are ripped out at a frenetic pace. They attempt to sprinkle in the morality of the story somewhat like Robocop, but you will hardly notice it. Even though Officer Downe is part of the team, he is still looked at like a monster. But the streets need a monster to get rid of the likes of Zen Master Flash and his poorly dubbed (again with the humor) clan. I thoroughly enjoyed this movie and actually wish they gave it a bit more time then it had. The original ideas for the bad guys was great and could've been further elaborated on if given more time. A good Friday night viewing for sure.
Horror Hotel the Movie (2016)
Have you ever been angry at a movie?
My quick rating - 0,4/10. This is the first time I actually wanted to give a zero rating to a flick. I found myself mad that I wouldn't turn it off. Poor trait to have when you watch so much but this regurgitation may have been the worst movie I have seen. There is not one single thing I can come up with to shed any light on why you would want to see this. Typically in anthology movies, some chapters are good, some bad. Goes with the territory of that style. How to actually consistently be so pathetic is beyond me. That achievement is the only decimal points this movie got, and that is for not straying from being utter garbage. I have no clue how they classified this movie to a genre in the slightest, the title makes no sense since there is absolutely no substance in the film. What others me about warning you people is a can't swear so you would get a good idea of how angry....OK. I'll stop. Point being if you are on a crusade to make your eyeballs want to commit suicide from within your own skull, find this movie and watch it. Or if you need to get back at someone, kidnap them and force them to watch this over and over again. If aliens are monitoring the earth, please understand that no one really rates this higher then 1 (zero being a non option) and those that do have a strange sense of humor. It cannot be because they were paid to say good things, they just want to trick others into watching it. Heck, my review alone has more substance and someone is most likely thinking "I gotta see just how bad this is" Well, you have been warned.
House of Purgatory (2016)
Not bad if you give it a shot
My quick rating - 5,1/10. We have all heard the rumors of the haunted house that is 5 floors, and if you can make it through all 5 you get your money back. I am sure there are variations of this urban myth and this film revolves around 4 kids that go looking to conquer it. But instead of a typical haunted house they stumble into a house that uses your own secrets from inside to terrify you. A good premise of a movie and to some extent it is well done. Purposely unbelievable and summed up by the great line "i don't think this is a normal haunted house" LOL. The film is more of a psychological type of terror with each overcoming the fears they hide inside. Atypical acting and good use of minimal locations to make the atmosphere seem plausible. I admittedly did enjoy this for what it was, nothing flashy and could have gone a long way with a bit more put into it.
The proof of fake votes jacking up a score
My quick rating - 0,7/10. The idea was alright, at best. But this is one of the worst movies I have seen in a long time. As a rule for IMDb I typically give no weight to a movies score until over 500 people have voted. That tends to give all the cast and crew members time to get their 10/10 nonsense scores in. But this movie has taken abusing this system to a whole new level. Currently as of writing this, 2,319 votes and a 6.0/10. There is no possible way a movie with the worst acting documented, ever along with dialogue that was scripted by a complete moron just to insult the actors/actresses even further. No wonder the acting was so bad, they probably read the lines for a scene in disbelief. The camera work may have been done by a partially blind person since I tend to occasionally like to see the person speaking the lines as opposed to random shots of who knows what. The sound editing is just bizarre leading to normal ambient sounds being louder than a bass drum for no apparent reason and then a spot with some tension? Naw, don't amplify that whatsoever. All of this, and I haven't even started nitpicking this horrid display of film making (or boredom with a budget as I am calling this). I would suggest other movies that use a similar idea to the "forgotten village/town" type of flick, but I don't want to insult any other film by comparing this. If you make it to the end, don't expect a nice wrap up since even with the idea presented, they couldn't get an ending right as well. Enjoy the outtakes during the credits since you get to see the actors look just as stiff as they are in the movie, so maybe the crew somehow found the most personality lacking people in town and cast each and every one of them. This hour and 22 minutes is seriously lost and I feel I am now a lesser film critic (not paid, but still) just for it.