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35 reviews in total 
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1 out of 2 people found the following review useful:
Are You Lookin' at My Eye?!! (Possible Spoiler), 6 July 2002

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

A grisly series of cannibal murders set the stage for the trial of Alferd Packer. The decision is death by hanging. The court is convinced that Mr. Packer is not a man at all, but a flesh eating monster. But they don't know the story. Curiosity rewards an intrigued Polly Pry, as she gets Packer to spill his guts on the story of the doomed journey to find gold in Brekinridge. She shockingly discovers that Packer is completely innocent. But can she prove it, and save Packer from the fate which awaits him on Hanging Day?

Before there was South Park, creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone introduced us to the horror musical to end all horror musicals. Brilliantly hilarious. This movie generates genuine laughs through deliciously tasteless goo, clever satirical barbs and references to sex or television shows. And the shoddily raunchy musicals numbers are actually funny, the best of which obviously being, "Let's Build a Snowman". If you're looking for the perfect Saturday Night movie, this is all you're asking for.

Pecker (1998)
0 out of 2 people found the following review useful:
Oh, Lordy! (Possible Spoiler), 6 July 2002

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Kid from the slums with a broken down old camera works at a sub shop and takes pictures for a living. Then one day, during a display of his photos at the shop, he is discovered by a big name art dealer in New York who wants to give him his own showing. But the party ends as quickly as it began as Pecker finds that fame and fortune bares a hefty price. His home is robbed, his friends desert him, and worst of all, his girlfriend Shelly won't have anything to do with him. With his inspiration gone, he sees how far his newfound fortune will take him. But can it get him back everything he lost?

Modestly entertaining little movie makes no profound statement on film in general but manages to hold the viewer's attention through a few sexually visceral images and wildly outrageous lines of dialogue. A few ideas seem undeveloped. Great music by Stewart Copeland.

This Look Familiar to Anyone? (Possible Spoiler), 6 July 2002

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Elle Woods, sorority girl extraordinaire, has just been dumped. What, no proposal? Dumped by the man of her dreams, Mr. Prestige (who has an attractively wide tongue). He claims she is too blonde. So, she treks on up to Harvard Law School, where she finds he has passed her up for an old girlfriend, who he also has proposed marriage to. I'm sorry, I was just hallucinating. So, she decides to try and show him, and his snobby girlfriend, up by outsmarting them and becoming an intern to Harvard's most demanding professor. Piece of cake, right?

A promising idea, but the product is somewhat tainted by a lack of purpose. Witherspoon is great in the lead role, but the written material is about as meaningful as a Britney Spears music video. This fore mentioning the horrible music soundtrack (not the score). What attempts to be CLUELESS, more closely resembles a dark gaping void centering a pink border.

As a comedy, it's not very funny. As a story of revenge, the actual story takes back burner to the superficial chick-flick quality of popular film in this new millennium. Here, vengeance is every bit as sweet as a dill pickle (yuck). In short, this movie won't appeal to the demographic it portrays, and that's barely legal in my book.

Freeway (1996)
Life is a Highway and on it, nothing is free (possible Spoiler), 1 July 2002

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Vanessa is a girl trying to live her life. She tries hard in school, feels concern for her mother, and keeps the relationship with her fiancee strong and supportive. But, she is distrustful of and fed up with the legal system. Her parents are once again hauled off after the cops raid their residence and Vanessa is about to shack up in another foster home. Fat chance. She steals a car and fleas for her Grandma's house after kissing her love goodbye.

Unfortunately, the car breaks down and a stranger offers her a ride. After befriending Vanessa, the stranger turns out to be the notorious "I-5" killer, who she remembers seeing on the news. After a struggle, she is able to shoot him numerous times, steal his money, and get to safety. She is then arrested and charged as an adult with an attempted murder after the killer survives her shower of bullets, though grossly disfigured. Vanessa must prove her innocence or perish in prison.

A great rebel flick in the style of a very grim Little Red Riding Hood, this film delivers the goods. Shocking and very funny. Intelligent despite it's juvenile subject matter, with interesting characters and perfect disposal of the uninteresting ones. It pushes past liberating women, and through an invincible female lead, liberates all characters who are oppressed and alienated by forces that may be weaker than they appear.

The opening credits sequence play like a twisted reminder of the days of RUTHLESS PEOPLE and MANNEQUIN, with excellently demented music by the obscurely eclectic exultant of the film score, Danny Elfman.

Monkeybone (2001)
Get the Bone Off Me (Possible Spoiler), 1 July 2002

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Stu suffers from horrible nightmares until he meets the love of his life, Julie. She inspires Stu to express himself through a cartoon creation called, Monkeybone. He creates the Monkeybone character and finds there is interest in launching his creation as a full-blown franchise beginning with his very own cartoon show. It sounds like a good idea at the time but it soon gets far out of hand when Stu is sabotaged while driving by an inflatable Monkeybone and falls deep into a coma. While in his coma, he is transported to DownTown, a big carnival freakshow purgatory limbo where ordinary people wait with monsters to die or be summoned awake from their coma by a Grim Reaper.

Stu waits patiently for three months to awaken but when his sister Kimmy orders the doctors to pull the plug, he is forced to infiltrate Death's Lair and nab himself a much coveted EXIT-pass, which will guarantee his body consciousness regardless of how the pass is acquired. He gets the pass with the help of Monkeybone, who then hijacks the pass and Stu's body. While Monkeybone now lives as Stu, the real Stu rots in the jail of his coma. He must somehow get another pass out of DownTown and fast, before Monkeybone and his employer can mass produce their own nightmare-inducing line of Monkeybone merchandise, and so he can formally propose marriage to Julie.

This film is very rich in visuals. Lots of live and stop animation, costumes and make-up, computer generated special effects, and it all looks great. But it's far too crude in it's presentation to be of much entertainment. And in fact, it's not entertaining at all. It's barely any tamer than COOL WORLD dealing with perversion and overt sexuality. The whole movie is actually like an animated family softcore porn comedy with a zombie running around, spilling his vital organs out over the landscape for a team of greedy surgeons to collect. This being of interest to no one. You'll definitely feel drained of your positive energy by the end, and if that's not classified as zombification, than you'll wish it was.

4 out of 6 people found the following review useful:
Hey Harry, Time to Work out (Possible Spoilers), 22 June 2002

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

The sweet but rich anti-daddy's girl and her spoiled sister are thrown out of their father's house after squandering a large sum of his money on a big neighborhood block party barbeque. They are then forced to experience what it's like to live like their new homeless friends. But, they shall not be defeated by the cold harshness of the real world. Instead, they soon take a piece of their father's property and turn it into their own friendly bar, without his consent. Daddy's none too happy. Can the girls remind their father of what family values were all about before their lives were taken over by greed and corruption? Or have wealth and power gotten their fingers in Harry too deeply to ever let go?

Of course, the plot isn't quite as dramatic. In fact, this whole film swims in the shallow end and I suggest that movie lovers drown themselves before watching this horrible film.

The cast is for the most part very pleasing to look at, and the kinky S&M foreplay is pretty kinky in compensation for how graphic it fails to be. It's quite easy to blame someone for this. The one to blame is writer/director Jeff Conaway. Though he settles for more dynamic roles than this in acting after Grease (such as Jawbreaker), this pet project goes far awry. So many better films to watch, less time to watch them after watching this.

Check My Pulse, I've Looked Like This For Years (Spoiler), 22 June 2002

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Some time after she and the killer's first victim are involved in the accidental death of an innocent motorist, college student Natalie finds herself and her friends are being stalked off by a killer who kills their victims in the style of urban legends.

An interesting plot seems to promise more Scream-style fun. The film starts off on the right foot with a terrific opener but as soon as it begins to rely on that same sort of ripped-off, pretentious '90s teeny-bopper dialogue pioneered by Kevin Williamson (who himself had adapted from various other hip-talking films, one of which was without a doubt THERE'S NOTHING OUT THERE), the viewer can see just how serious the crew is about this film. Not very much.

Though it often benefits from it's carefree attitude toward fronting itself as a horror film, and there are some great one-liners, and the leading actresses Witt and especially, Gayheart are excellent, the movie falls short of delivering the goods for horror fans. And the majority of supporting characters serve up this hokey dialogue, so I end up rooting for the killer, who doesn't have much common sence which also makes it hard to appreciate the eventual evolution into an immortal Robo-killer.

In conclusion, I like the killer's confession scene. Funny killer. But while the movie is mildly entertaining, it's too hokey and does go overboard a bit on the body count. Hopefully, the sequel will go further in length than this one stayed behind.

Just Be Glad He's Not Your Kid (Mini-Spoiler), 19 October 2001

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Ben and Flo have always wanted a kid. Ah, children. They look so good at parties, don't they? But, when it turns out the couple are infertile, the big "A" word comes up. Yep, adoption. A world of possibilities. And just as luck would have it, the local orphanage has got a reject that would be perfect for two yutzes just like them. The red-haired mini-Satan they affectionately name Junior, turns out to be just that. A mini Satan. Whose hellish pranks drive the couple to desperate lengths. So desperate, the two even pawn the creep off on an escaped serial killer (whom the boy idolizes).

I have to admit, I really enjoyed this movie. Now, I sternly believe that this was made by someone psychotic and disturbed. But, this movie has a lot of surprisingly funny jokes. Plus, the pranks this little bastard pulls actually are shocking and very humorous. Bottom-of-the-barrel comedy, but there's something so right about it.

1 out of 2 people found the following review useful:
This Feels Like SNL in the Maternity Ward, 19 October 2001

George Banks is probably the least likely character for Sympathy of the Year Award. He has a well-behaved son, a wife who he's still very much in love with, a wonderfully healthy daughter who knows where she's going, and a decent and hard working son-in-law. What is it that spearhead's his journey into mid-life crisis? The twin-occurrence of pregnancies in his wife and daughter.

The question on George's mind isn't: What's it going to be like raising an infant at his age (late '40's)? It's: Can he make it through these two pregnancies? He's put to the test through the big issue of his daughter's job relocation, his wife's mood swings, "false alarms", sleeping pill mishaps, and various antics of the interior decorator who literally drives him up the wall [and barely to the hospital when both his wife and daughter go into labor at (practically) the same time].

Embarrassing at first but always outrageously funny and a little dramatic at it's conclusion. Very entertaining. And Jane Adams is amazing as the doctor who delivers George's baby. And Martin looked horrible in his brown hair. And I recommend this movie if you're mature enough to handle such a heavy dose of amusement added to this topic. And I should go now...

Mortal Kombat II (1993) (VG)
2 out of 3 people found the following review useful:
This One Will Always Be My Favorite (Abstract Spoilers), 19 October 2001

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Another tournament with twelve fighters as opposed to seven. Liu Kang, Raiden, Kitana, Shang Tsung, Baraka, Kung Lao, Sub-Zero, Jax, Mileena, Johnny Cage, Scorpion, and Reptile battle in great settings like Kahn's Arena, The Dead Pool, Wasteland, and my favorite, The Portal.

Now the graphics are great, but what's best about this game is definitely the expansion of fatalities and special moves to include different finishers. The Babality move allows you to turn your opponent into a baby (if you're feeling so generous) and the Friendship move allows you to make peace with your opponent by giving them a gift or putting on a talent show for them. Johnny Cage's Friendship remains to be the most arrogant by making an autograph of himself out to his biggest fan. Another excellent highlight is Liu Kang's Animality-Fatality (which would later be introduced in MK3) in which he transforms into a dragon and chomps into his opponent's upper torso.

This was definitely the game where parents started to complain about the violence. What's sad about this series was that even though the complaints got more numerous with future MK's, the gore reached it's graphic peak here for SUPER NES and became much less realistic after this game. Gore-lovers will be well pacified with this release. But (speaking from personal experience) don't show these cool moves to your friend's mother (now this experience took place probably almost 7 years ago, but it's the thought that counts).

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