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Speaking of retirement homes, another good one is to call a bakery asking for a sheet cake to be delivered to the old folks. But be sure and ask for the cake to look like a cemetary with Nilla wafers as little headstones with R.I.P. in icing on them, and the message on the cake should read, "See Ya Soon!!"--man, these people may be old, but they still have tempers not to be messed with. I got a court fine for that one.
Other hobbies include going to the supermarket and toss glass jars of French's mustard overhead into a few aisles over. Ya gotta be quick when doing this, ya gotta toss and run like the dickens into another aisle real fast. You can always count on some idiot to be in the mustard aisle by the time you are three aisles over. Guess who is gonna get the blame for the shattered mustard jar?? Not meeeeee!! LOL.
Other fun pasttimes include taking the camcorder and filming people at bars. Offer to buy drinks for the house in exchange for everyone to get naked, and then show the film on my public access show, entitled "Skippy's World". Kinda got in trouble with this one though, but hey, married people should not be trying to pick up dates at a bar when I have the camcorder with me. Sheesh!!
Found out afterwards that public access televison will not allow nudity to be seen. Needless to say, a great segment called Pick-A-Dick was wasted. We bribed some guys to let us take photos of their genitals and then of their faces and then we asked people to place the face with the correct genitals. One hundred dollars went to the first player who correctly got the right combo. LOL.
Thought it was funny, until some middle-aged woman got all bitchy as one of the guys we showed her was her son. How the heck were we to know that he was her son!! Oh well. LOL.
Thought about having my autobiography published and call it "The Unsatisfied Virgin". Some friends who have read it said that it was like Anne Rice meeting Agatha Christie. Whatever the hell that meant! I asked a buddy what he meant, and all he said was that "It's no mystery as to why you suck". I got jail time for that for battery charges as I slugged him a few times. The cops did not believe that my buddy ran his face into my fist 6 times.
At one time, I owned a restaurant called "Skippy's Steak House" and on the sign out front, I put "Good looking ladies will be getting a free bone!". Needless to say that some women's group got all upset as I only offered the bone to the good looking ones and not the ugly ones. Just to keep them happy, I went to the butcher and purchased some hamhocks and offered those to the women, but they wanted the bone that the good looking girls would be getting. Needless to say, that sign came down pronto!! LOL.
More to come!!
I must have had that michievious streak in me from day one. I remember when I was 8 years old and it was December 1966. My old man took me to the local Woolworth's store and I got to sit on Santa Claus's lap. I sat down on his lap and asked Santa, "Is that a candy cane in your pocket, or are you happy to see me?"--Well, needless to say, my old man heard that and grabbed me off Santa's lap and proceeded to spank my ass. My butt was redder than Rudolph the reindeers nose!! I did not cry, but I told dad that he thought it was funny when Mae West said a similar line in one her movies and he told me that she could say those things, but not me. What a grouch!! LOL
There went that chemistry set that I wanted so bad.
I have a cousin,Tommy Dawson, who lives in a trailer park called "The Tacky Shack Trailer Park". LOL. What a dump!!
He lives there with his wife Crystal and their three boys, Travis, Trigger and Roy.
Now, Crystal is okay, but she is huge!! But she is losing weight. She is down to about 250 pounds. She did weigh about 300 in their old trailer. Ya see, this is their second trailer as they had an accident with their first one. Crystal was trying to run from the living room to the kitchen for something to eat and get back in time to watch her soaps, when she lost her footing and fell. The tremendous shaking knocked the trailer off its blocks and three of their coon dogs were crushed. LOL.
I used to run a small independent movie studio here in West Virginia, before it was shut down by the authorities. They said that my movies were not "of the interest of the public". Don't know why though--they did make some money. Perhaps you have heard of some of my titles:
"Attack of the 50-Foot Centipede"
"Vaseline: A Boy's Second Best Friend"
"The Haunted Outhouse"
"Rover: The Dog That Saved Omaha"
"The Miracle of Morgan's Crack"
"Boy Belly Dancers Of Boise"
"The Magnificent Seven and A Half"
"Lawrence Of Her Labia"(which was a take-off of "Lawrence Of Arabia"!!)
These were the most popular at the Royale Theatre in my hometown and in fact, this last film was the one that got us shut down. I overheard the police say that the crowds at this film looked like Mardi Gras at San Francisco!! LOL.
Thought you would like to know that Skippy here has a new job!! I am now the Headmaster of "The Devonshire Home for Unwed Fathers". If anyone is interested in sending a donation to keep our Home running, please donate!!!
I remember an incident when I finally turned 21. You know how it was, 21, finally an adult and can do anything legal now, well my cousin, Tommy Dawson, took me out for a celebratory drink and somehow during the night, we ended up three counties over in a town called Watsonville and ended up in a bar called "Uncle Jemima's"!! Well, halfway through our first beer, Tommy tells me that we were the only white guys in the place and let me tell ya, it was like one of those E. F. Hutton commercials, where everyone is staring at us!! We found out that this place was a gay bar for black men and let me say that I saw more dark meat that night than on all my Thanksgivings together!! haha.
I also remember the time that I got in trouble with the law. Ya see, I went through a divorce and since I did not have anything for the ex-wife to get ahold of,she was left empty-handed. I borrowed some money from a buddy and put a full page ad in the paper saying that a new women's group was starting up and that my ex should be a permanent member. The group was to be called "WOOF", which stands for Women Out Of Funds, which is basically what it stands for, since she did not get anything from the divorce!! She had her attorneys sue me for everything under the sun!! Darn woman has no sense of humor whatsoever. Maybe it was because I had a picture of a dog with her first name on it. Oh well!! haha.
Another embarassing incident happened when I was around 14 years old. My dad and I were debating about something, I think it was "Did John Wayne ever win an Oscar?" and I said no, while Pop said yeah. We made a bet and whoever lost had to do what the winner said. Well, I lost, because what 14 year old boy knows about Oscars, and Dad made me wear this white T-shirt that said on the front--" I sucked off my dad and all I got was this lousy shirt!" I had to wear that all day, no matter where I went. Dad thought it was hilarious, and told me that a bet was a bet. I got my dad back real good for this one, so I had a big sign printed with the letters "HOMO" spelled out on it and I told dad that the letters stood for "Helping Out Mankind Organization". He got laughing and said that my joke fell flat, but all of a sudden, a guy drove up, pointed a camera at dad, snapped the picture and drove off!! Dad was really upset and the next day, the free penny saver newspaper had the picture on the front--dad standing in front of a sign with HOMO on it. haha.
And the Oscar Goes To... (2014)
A very good documentary
This is a very entertaining documentary on Turner Classic Movies that deals with the history of the Academy Awards. Quite a few clips of past Oscar telecasts and many interviews with the lucky people who have won the Academy Awards. Angelica Huston narrated this documentary and does a commendable job. I really loved the part where the winners were announced and the audience roars with excitement. I wish that the Academy Awards organization would put the older Oscar shows on DVD. Iwould gladly buy a set without question, but for the time being, the Oscars have a channel on YouTube and have been putting out various clips from Oscars past.
Where is Howard Cosell when you need him
Possibly the worst of the "Battle Of The Network Stars" specials. Many of the sports that were part of the prior installments are missing or totally changed. The absence of Howard Cosell is probably the most glaring problem. Gone is his distinct voice and hosting skills. In this episode, we have Dick Van Dyke and Joan Van Ark. Another glaring problem was moving the venue from Pepperdine University to some place in Mexico. The obstacle course is shortened to a jaunt on a beach. The kayak race was replaced by some race dealing with a lifeboat race on the ocean. Also, for some reason, there is also a boat race, that resembles a rowing competition with a coxswain, on the same ocean. The running relay, instead of taking place on a race track, looks as if it were held in someone's back yard. During the swimming relay, the CBS team had the misfortune of having Mary Frann on the team. I have never seen anyone swim the way this woman did. It seems like she did not want to get her face wet. Pitiful, just pitiful.
The Bing Crosby Show (1961)
This is only good for Shirley Bassey!!
Strange Christmas special with Bing Crosby and a slew of British stars of both stage and screen, some of whom I have never heard of--Dave King? Marion Ryan? The Wanderers? Who are these people?? It also has a surprise appearance by Bob Hope, which was nice to see. But, it was Shirley Bassey that made this special stand out. She gets to sing two songs--"Shooting High" and "As I Love You", which was her first number 1 hit. It is still a great song. Basically, the special is all about Bing traveling around England, looking for the history of his family tree. This special is available for sale on DVD and it came with two specials with Bing Crosby and this one even had the actual commercials when it was originally broadcast back on December 11, 1961 on ABC. The DVD cover said that this was Bing's first Christmas special, but other than Shirley Bassey, the surprise appearance of Bob Hope and Bing singing "White Christmas" at the end, it was passable.
The Price Is Right (1956)
Much classier than the current version!!
After watching "The Price Is Right" with Bob Barker for many years, I had read that there was an earlier version back in the 1950's with Bill Cullen as the host and for many years, I waited to see even one episode of this show to compare it with the current version. Luckily, the Game Show Network showed this program and that is when I finally got my chance to view this program. After the initial shock of just how sedate the contestants were, (they did not jump all over the set, scream and run around like a banshee, or make fools of themselves), I found that I really loved this version of the program. The contestants back then dressed up, with women in dresses and men in suits and ties, not like the ....... contestants these days!! Also, this version did not rely upon all the different types of games as the current version does--just four contestants continually bidding on items. I would love to see this back on the Game Show Network schedule and also to see them put out on DVD.
What a bore!!
I thought this thing would be more funnier than it was. I mean, I know a film with Mimi Hines, Phil Ford and Charley Weaver (in two roles!!) is not Academy Award winning material, but this thing was disappointing. It is all about how Phil Ford, as Mr. Big, tries to overtake the little town of Apple Valley and turn it into another Las Vegas type place. I had figured that it would be hokey, with some 1960's bad singing, dancing, and cornball comedy all in glorious Technicolor, but it has none of this going for it. In fact, it hasn't got anything going for it. It has been awhile since I fell asleep during a DVD, but this one sure did it to me. It took me two days to get through this snooze-a-thon. Maybe I was expecting low class, but not this low. After the movie, comes a couple of short films, the first one is called "The Enchanted Pot" with Joan Anderson, and it is all about how to cook with Karo Syrup. Catchy little song by the pot and Ms. Anderson. Egads, this was more entertaining than the "Apple Valley" film. The second short film is called "Treat Her With Care" and is some sort of ode to women, and how they are different. Like duhhhhhh!! This one was entertaining also, but not as much as "The Enchanted Pot".
Alice: The Odd Couple (1977)
One of the funniest episodes of "Alice"
This is the episode where Flo's trailer is stolen, so Alice tries to be a good friend and allows Flo to stay with her and Tommy until Flo gets her trailer back. Hilarity ensues as the two women are as different as night and day. Flo likes to stay up late and party around, or talk on the phone until all hours of the night, while Alice tries to get some sleep as she is the one usually working the morning shift. Watching Alice try and get "revenge" on Flo is hilarious, and I bet it was ad-libbed a bit, as Alice turns on the radio full blast, starts the vacuum cleaner and bangs it into the foldaway bed, the night tables, and makes all the noise she can in order to ruin Flo's sleep, but to her surprise, Flo just raises up in bed, boogies to the music on the blaring radio, flips on her side and falls back asleep. You can hear the crew members, along with the audience, bust out laughing, and by the looks of it, Linda Lavin must not have been expecting Polly Holliday to pull that stunt. Hilarious episode!!
Bobby Ware Is Missing (1955)
Good "little" film from Allied Artists
This is a very good film with some very good B-actors, such as Neville Brand, Arthur Franz, Paul Picerni and Jean Willes. The plot deals with the disappearance of two young boys, Bobby and Mickey and how Bobby's family and Mickey's dad deal with the two missing boys. The boys are actually missing, as they went exploring on a mountainside and lost their footing and slid all the way down the inside of a mountain that, unbeknownst to anyone, is going to be blasted with dynamite in a couple of days. Regardless of its low budget, the film was very thrilling to watch from beginning to end. I found this film on VHS, and only wish that it was on DVD instead.
So different from the Oscars of today!!
Available on DVD, this was a treat to see an entire Oscar ceremony for the old days. The only thing missing was the commercials, which was Oldsmobile. Even the five nominated songs are intact and the best one was Dean Martin who sang "Three Coins In The Fountain". Just for that alone was worth the price of the DVD. He is/was a very good singer!! The only strange part of the ceremony was the part where the presenter (whoever the star may be) appeared on stage and announced the words...."and the winner is (fill in blank)" and then announced the winner without ever mentioning all of the nominees!! So strange, as we have, in all these years, always heard the five nominees in whatever category. All of the winners were present, either in New York or Hollywood. The hosts were Bob Hope in Hollywood and Thelma Ritter in New York.
Clifton Collins Jr. should have been nominated for Best Supporting Actor!!!
Just watched "Capote" and found it to be a very good film. I can understand why Phillip Seymour Hoffman won the Oscar, although I still prefer Heath Ledger from "Brokeback Mountain" as the year's best actor. But the real performance in this movie belongs to Clifton Collins, Jr. as Perry Smith. Mr. Collins's performance is what made the movie work for me. He was fantastic!! Too bad that he did not get a nomination for Best Supporting Actor, as he deserved it. They could have nominated him instead of Paul Giamatti or William Hurt. The scenes between Hoffman and Collins are very touching, and the scenes where Capote is seeing Smith for the final time are heartbreaking. You can just tell that Capote wants to tell Smith how he really feels, but with others in the room, he cannot do it. I gave this film a 10 out of 10.
Lotsa Luck (1973)
A funny, forgotten little show!!
This was a funny show that had Dom DeLuise as Stanley, a bus driver who lives at home with his mother (Iris), sister (Olive) and brother-in-law (Arthur). His best friend was Bummy, another bus driver. Stanley was the only breadwinner in the family as Olive and Arthur, did not work. In fact, Arthur did not want to work, and was happy to stay at home. Kathleen Freeman played the mother, Beverly Sanders played the sister, Wynn Irwin played the brother-in-law and Jack Knight played the best friend. Everyone was hilarious in their roles and played off of each other beautifully. It was too bad that NBC did not give this show a bit more time to grow and find an audience, but at least this show has found its way onto DVD.