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R-Rated WB Cartoon
This Gen-13 movie is less a feature length movie, and more a hour long cartoon special that would have introduced a Gen-13 cartoon series. However, the language and gore suggests that this series might have aired on HBO or Cinemax. It seems logical. This movie was made at the height of South Park's fame, and other cable channels were scrambling to try and find their own crude kids show.
Gen-13 is only for fans of the defunct comic book. My complaints about this film are the same as past reviews. Grunge's dialog makes Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure sound like Shakespeare. And at times the sound quality dips to below average. However, this movie is only available on bootlegs, so don't expect great quality.
Also, many video outlets push the fact that the uncut version of this film features nude scenes of Catlin. Needless to say, I have seen this movie, and the "nude" scenes are a disappointment. The first scene of nudity is with Catlin and Roxy in the shower. Perhaps the version I saw was not really uncut, because the screen was so covered with white (I guess it was supposed to be steam) you could not see a thing. It would have been a better idea to cut this scene altogether rather than include it in it's white washed condition. The second scene of nudity is when Catlin gets her powers. She grows bigger and taller, and her clothes become ripped. It you are quick with the pause button, you will see the upper parts of Catlin's nipples, which have been turned flesh colored, so they have been censored a little.
The storyline is rather hackneyed, and the animation reminds me a lot of Batman the Animated Series, but it is still good. However, if you are like me, and you only wanted to watch this movie for all the wrong reasons, you will be disappointed.
Screwball Hotel (1988)
I remember it being so.....
This is one of those movies that seemed to run non stop back during the early days of HBO. Most people today don't realize that HBO used to be just like what Cinemax Late Night is today, it was non-stop T&A. As a young whipper snapper, I used to stay up late at night to watch movies like this. Screwball Hotel is your standard jiggle movie. Three screw-ups get fired from their lousy jobs, and end up working at a hotel. During the course of the movie they have many run in's with the hotel's guests, resulting in a few crazy and sexy situations.
However, what I remember most about this movie is the ending. Somehow some kind of drug gets let loose in the air conditioning vents, and ends up being inhaled with some beauty queens getting ready for a beauty contest being held at the hotel. Of course, the drug turns them all into hot to trot horn dogs. During the last scene, the girls perform a heavy metal ballad, recite a dirty poem, and end it all by tearing off each other's clothes. Back when I was a kid, I thought this was the sexiest movie I had ever seen.
Despite this movie's rating, I don't remember any nudity or actual sex scenes. However, the last time I saw this movie Reagan was in the White House, so my memory might be fuzzy. My review is written with high hopes. This is one of those movies that helped to bring me through puberty with ease, and for that I will be forever grateful. But, I can not advise that you see this movie. While to a little kid this movie is hot stuff, but to adults, it is a relic of 1980's cinema. Today's cynical audience will look down their nose at this movie and smirk and wonder how young members of Gen-X ever lived through the 80s. But, to us aged punk kids, this movie is a treasured memory that is best left in the back of the video store where it belongs.
Let us hope that there will never be a DVD release of this movie, because if there was then people's decent over this movie would grow even louder.
License to Thrill (1989)
All filler, No thriller
I heard about this video long before I finally saw this video. And I bought it mostly because I heard such good things, especially about the sound track. What a bunch of bull! This movie was a let down from start to end.
First off, let us begin with the film itself. It is 75 minutes long, but the film itself it only 40 minutes long. The remaining time is wasted on a ridiculously long coming attractions trailer where scenes from past Greg Stump films are shown in fast forward (why they show it in fast forward making it impossible to enjoy them is beyond me) before the film begins and another wasteful "intermission" during the middle of the movie, where the screen goes black for a full ten minutes! This intermission and trailer is nothing but evidence that this film did not have a decent editor or the film-makers wanted to pad the movie.
Second, lets get to the ski footage. I saw better ski footage on re-runs of MTV Sports, and I hated MTV Sports! All the ski footage is shown in slow motion, making me think I was watching a bad Beer commercial. I kept waiting for a Miller Lite logo to pop up. If you think you are going to see "extreme" ski footage, you will be disappointed. And why will you be? Read on.
Third, the skiers in this film are a joke. A bunch of pudgy middle aged hipsters falling down mountains as they tell war stories about all the time they have fallen down mountains. However, one must keep this film in context. This film was made in the mid 1980s, and back then most the ski slopes were strictly the domain of upper class sportsmen snobs. Which explains why so many stars of this film look like they got lost on their way to Wall Street. Never have I seen so many "extreme athletes" with male pattern baldness.
Fourth, the music of this movie was indeed a let down. I was expecting a soundtrack made up of punk rock groups that I had never heard of. Instead, I get "Frankie Goes Hollywood"?!?!?. This soundtrack is a fine cheese of 1980s muzak that was not good enough to make it onto the "Big Chill" soundtrack. If you buy this movie just to hear the music, just remember that "Frankie Goes Hollywood" is the biggest name of it, the rest are no doubt long since broken up groups who thought that this film was going to be their big break. Pity them. And pity anyone who buys this film.
The Blair Clown Project (1999)
Finally! A movie that defies God and Country!
This movie is without a doubt the most hilarious, funny, well acted, erotic, and scariest movie of all time! In my opinion, this film has a much more scary and erotic ending then the real Blair Witch Project. This movie is just one huge scary and erotic sandwich of love and hate. But really folks, I am just kidding about this film being erotic and well acted. It is just good old film making at it's best. It's nice to know that I am watching a movie that is made by real people, living real lives, eating real large and unhealthy amounts of processed meats. Having said all this, let me say this. This film is really funny and would be worth your time to see. I don't care what you have to do; lie, cheat, steal, murder, do what ever it takes to get a copy of this movie. You will not regret it. It's a really fine piece of cinema! May God have mercy on your souls!