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MrGKB

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427 reviews in total 
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Stumbled across this one on YouTube..., 8 February 2015
6/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

...and was pleasantly surprised by how good it is. Basically five short episodes serving as some sort of TV pilot in Sweden a few years back that appears to have faded when "The Walking Dead" debuted there a few months later. More's the pity, because "The Great Dying" showed immense potential for a relatively lo-fi production. Tight work all around; I gobbled these giblets up in short order. The scripting is smart without being pretentious, though somewhat unfocused, perhaps unsure of where it was going. The film's co-writers/directors seem to have dropped back out of sight, but I'm sure they'll return soon; there's too much talent on display for it to be otherwise. The cast appears to be doing well, too, and deservedly so. Recommended.

Damn these armies..., 27 January 2015
3/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

...of misleading blurb writers, deceptive marketeers, and worst of all the legions of inept filmmakers that give rise to them via festering corpses of stillborn cinema. How Tony "Candyman" Todd got suckered into this benighted mess is beyond me; did he really read the script or was he just doing a favor for a drinking buddy? Easy paycheck, that's for sure. Neophyte lead Sully "Godsmack" Erna doesn't outright embarrass himself, but he's still stuck in a train wreck. This film will never be lovingly referred to by an acronym, let's put it that way. Whatever edge it might have been aiming for got sanded away by mediocre direction, editing, and camera-work, along with much of the acting, and of course the script.

Damn these armies of incompetents!

I note with interest that the child actor isn't even listed in the IMDb credits despite being clearly mentioned on screen. Were her producer parents that embarrassed?

1 out of 2 people found the following review useful:
Remaking your own obscure calling card..., 19 December 2014
4/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

...is really not a good idea, but Lucky "May" McKee and Chris "The Lost" Sivertson went right ahead and did it anyway. The cast of relative unknowns do their damnedest, to little avail, with a script that has no real idea what it wants to accomplish and takes its own sweet time doing it. Syd Field would not be pleased, nor any other screen writing guru, and apparently the most recent crop of IMDb mavens aren't, either. I'm not surprised. There's some nonsense involving a totally distorted interpretation of Wiccan magic, some very limp lipstick lesbianism, a touch of unimpressive gore, and a coterie of actors who (at least according to the DVD's brief making-of feature) had more fun making this film than they reveal on screen. I can only hope they were paid scale at least; they deserve it after consenting to be in this mess. Forgettable at best, and a definite blot on any self-respecting public library's reputation, this is not going to lead to bigger and better things for anyone involved. Strictly for the indiscriminate viewer only.

3 out of 3 people found the following review useful:
Almost lives up to its title..., 5 December 2014
4/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

...in that it very nearly is one, but auteur Turner "State of Emergency" Clay deserves at least a few props for this lo-fi effort, if only for his apparent jack-of-all-trades labors. I wish he'd worked harder on the script, which although structurally functional remains bland and uninvolving, not to mention a direct crib from "Cloverfield." The characters---played earnestly by a cast of relative unknowns, not that there's anything wrong with that---aren't memorable enough to engage full attention, let alone audience involvement, and it's mostly the fault of a mundane screenplay that offers neither emotional catharsis nor intellectual engagement. Thankfully, it wasn't done as found- footage.

As a zombie apocalypse film, it delivers next to nothing, let alone anything novel or unique. In these days of "The Walking Dead," that's trouble. I hope the investors didn't take too much of a bath.

Eminently skippable, unless you're friends with the folks involved.

1 out of 1 people found the following review useful:
Almost watchable..., 12 November 2014
5/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

...but highly derivative, auteur Joe "This is my calling card" Begos' tale of alien abduction (and return) offers no surprises beyond an unexpectedly graphic instance of tentacle rape. Competently shot and produced on a relatively minuscule budget in a state one doesn't normally associate with film-making (Rhode Island), "Almost Human" nonetheless fails to leave any sort of lasting impression. The acting is nowhere near as bad as others might lead you to believe, but neither is it memorable, because the cast is burdened with mundane dialog and a play-it-safe story; Sturgeon's Revelation all the way. I hope Joe's next project goes well, and I look forward to that. He definitely has tons of talent, but needs to step up his game. Meanwhile, much as I hate to say it, the lives of anyone actually reading this blurb won't be lessened by passing on this one; there are plenty of better films out there to while away idle time.

Wicked Blood (2014) (V)
2 out of 2 people found the following review useful:
Wickedly bland..., 11 November 2014
5/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

...pretender to the throne of films like "Winter's Bone," this predictable thriller from writer/director Mark "The Killing Jar" Young and his regular cinematography collaborator Gregg "Ditto" Easterbrook isn't a terrible watch, but it's a dispensable one. The cast does well enough with their roles (although Sean "LotR" Bean seems a bit bored with it all), Easterbrook's DP work is at times quite beautiful, and I'm not really faulting Young's direction. Nonetheless, nothing really quite jells; I couldn't manage to buy into this world of backwoods meth labs and a pretty little thing who would settle for ten bucks a pop to be a drug mule. If you're a fan of any of the actors, I suppose it's not going to embarrass any of them too much, but this is one of those films that you're going to forget almost as soon as you've finished viewing it.

Just another misguided vanity project..., 24 October 2014
3/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

...from people who likely don't know any better, and even more likely don't care one way or the other, "Dear God No!" can't help but live up to its name in any discerning viewer's mind. Ostensibly an homage to 70s grindhouse features, this bit of pitiable excess fails to show any genuine respect for the genre or for filmmaking in general. Wooden non- actors swell the cast while reciting lines that might impress middle- schoolers with IQs in the room temperature range. The camera-work is---to be kind---in focus (well, usually), and the rest of the production values aren't much better. Costuming (and the lack thereof for most of the females) is probably the film's only strong point.

Needless to say, the script is abysmal, direction is non-existent, and did I already mention that the actors can't express themselves out of a paper bag? The corpse of Ted Sturgeon is shaking its head in despair. This one's a time-waster only, kiddies; not even the rampant nudity can recommend it. You've been warned.

About as sophomoric as you'd expect..., 23 October 2014
1/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

...and really not worth your bother, "Psychos in Love" will likely remain notable for two reasons, and two reasons only: make-up artist Jennifer "Street Trash" Aspinall's participation, and the absurdist hook of two serial killers with a mutual loathing for grapes. Beyond that, it's a regrettable mess, chock full of boring dialog, hapless actors, and all the production value of a slapdash student film. Don't be fooled; this pitiful excuse for a movie fails utterly to live up to the promise of its title. The leads evince no chemistry whatsoever, deliver their lines like they're reading from cue cards, and thankfully went nowhere significant in their careers. Small recompense to anyone who sits through this dreck.

I paid nothing to view this, but still feel ripped off.

1 out of 1 people found the following review useful:
Worth a peep..., 16 October 2014
7/10

...just as its subject was and always will be, "Bettie Page Reveals All!" presents a lovingly illustrated biography of the quintessential American pin-up, Bettie Mae Page, the Queen of Curves. Its strengths lie in being structured around the last audio interviews with Bettie; its weaknesses lie in the paucity of new information, at least for the hardcore Bettie fan, who will have already devoured the several biographies available. The only thing new I learned was that Bettie didn't much care for Mary Harron's "The Notorious Bettie Page." Still, it's as complete a videography as the general audience might expect, well worth the time spent with it. Long live Bettie Page!

1 out of 1 people found the following review useful:
No. Just no...., 23 March 2014
4/10

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

...this is not at all what some folks here are making it out to be, which is to say anything of redeeming quality. No, sorry, not even the monsters, which are uniformly absurd. Goofy, as a dear departed friend of mine would have said. Yes, it's purportedly a madman putting them together, but that's no excuse for rampant violation of the laws of physics and biology. It's just shoddy writing combined with an unschooled, adolescent imagination. Even Ted Sturgeon would be shaking his head in dismay.

Never mind the ill-conceived, illogical and impossible POV telling of the tale, the entire premise is fatuous at best. This is comic book storytelling of the lowest order, not nearly as clever as it wishes it was, clearly make-work film-making meant only to make a buck and/or feed various egos.

Why do people with money fund mundane projects like this? It mystifies me. Surely there are better scripts suitable for showcasing Grand Guignol effects and otherwise putting film-making professionals to work. Why settle for mediocre? Why not aim higher?

As film consumers, we can do better. Stop being suckered in by spurious blurbs and misleading packaging. Stop patronizing film-makers who turn out such forgettable product. And please, for the love of God, Montressor, stop encouraging your local library to acquire such lamentable material!

Strictly for indiscriminate gorehounds, and even they're going to be disappointed by getting nothing they haven't already seen a thousand times.


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