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Willow Creek (2013)
Not Worth Your Time *Spoilers"
*** Lots of Spoilers ** Just watched this movie, but I was listening to it mostly. First of all this film was written and directed by Bobcat Goldthwait. That alone should caution viewers on what is to be expected. The first half of the film is basically Kelly and Jim planning and making the long drive to Willow Creek. Why anyone in their right mind would want to go to a place where BigFoot was seen and stay overnight is beyond me. Then for another 15 mins they are hiking throughout the woods hoping to get a glimpse at the beast and capture him on film. Jim is trying to prove that Bigfoot does exist. They eventually get lost. All of this including the dialogue is boring and tiresome. After finding a sock in a tree and taking a dip in a stream the couple pitches a tent. For 20 mins of one shot you see Jim and Kelly sitting in the tent, clinging to each other as creepy and loud sounds happen outside. Then the tent gets hit and the couple gets even more scared. All this buildup and suspense pretty much leads to nothing. They end up running into a comatose large naked women in a loin cloth, just standing in the woods. This just happens to be the missing women (Mary Anne Duende) that was pictured on the wall. Apparently this Bigfoot beast needed a mate. For the rest of the ended you just see the camera bouncing around and hear Jim being dragged away screaming with camera in tow. You don't see Kelly or Jim's death. You don't even see Bigfoot or any beasts. You do see a large footprint earlier. Very disappointing. Sure there is some suspense, but the payoff at the end is terrible. You'd be better of just forwarding the film to the end, cause it's that bad. The trailer pretty much shows the whole film.
I gave this crappy film a 2 out of 10.
Head Spinning, Eyes Hurting Vulgar Film
This movie is a serious head trip. Most people won't even get to see the whole thing because of the dizzying vertigo camera work. Seriously, about 15-20 mins of the film is showing the sky, room, or something else with the camera constantly spinning. There's like 8-10mins of this at the very end of the film with flashing lights. I literally just fast forwarded through it. If you have Epilepsy or are prone to seizures, do not watch this film. Seriously.
There is a story here. It's about a couple Alex & Marcus, who go to a high society party with their friend Pierre who was once Alex's boyfriend. He still has strong feelings for her, but is very happy that his friend Marcus is with her now. Marcus gets drunk at the party and Alex decides to leave, even though Pierre begs her to stay. He also tells Marcus to go after her, but he refuses. Alex decides to take an underground tunnel that passes under the street to get to the other side. She runs into a man (we find out earlier that his name is Le Tenia) who's talking to a woman. The woman he's talking to breaks free from his grip and escapes. Tenia approaches Alex and after a few harsh words, he throws her to the ground and brutal rapes her. The rape is somewhat graphic. There is some nudity, but the belittling and verbal abuse Tenia does to Alex is over the top. Very graphic and cruel. The beating is even worse. Of course Marcus & Pierre later find out and seek revenge on Tenia.
What's interesting about the film is it's told in reverse (hence the name 'Irreversable'). The film actually starts with Marcus and Pierre running through a gay orgy house called "The Rectum" looking for Tenia. You'll have to see for yourself what happens when they finally find him. Then the next chapter shows how they got the info to find him. Eventually the film will end at the very beginning of the story, which is a happy and sad moment.
The best scenes in this whole film are "the train ride to the party" and "Alex & Marcus at their apartment before the party talking." You can truly see and feel how much love they have for one another in these scenes (Monica & Vincent are married in real life you know). The train scene is interesting because you learn more about Alex & Pierre's relationship and nothing is held back. Every secret is brought out to the opening. It's a little hard watching it in subtitles because they talk so fast. The acting is very well done in these scenes. Vincent Cassel, Albert D. and Monica B. are all very good here. Even Jo Prestia is good as the vicious bad guy.
What kills this film is the crazy camera work and some obnoxious scenes that are a bit over the top. The trip through the Rectum club was just torture for me. I wanted them to hurry up and find Tenia and get the hell out of there. The fact that there is a real bar called Rectum is just disgusting to me. I would never set foot in a place like that. I can understand why people walked out of the theater. The first 20mins is hard to stomach. I understand why they played it in reverse, but the crazy camera scenes seem to be there to make you nauseated and extend the film. The film is only about 75-80mins long really. If you must see this, Netflix is the place to watch it. It's currently streaming right now.
I gave this 5/10.
Ginger Snaps (2000)
Ginger Does Snap, The Movie Bombs.
I read the reviews here and was expecting at least a good movie, but Ginger Snaps was poorly made. First of all the two girls playing Ginger and Bridgette are extremely annoying. Thirty minutes in, I was ready to turn it off. This has got to me Mimi Rogers worse movie ever. She is just lifeless and wooden. I had to do a double take several times to confirm this was really Mimi Rogers. She looks like hell to begin with and her acting here was obviously thrown out the window. The guy who plays the father is clueless and has almost no speaking parts.
The story is about two sisters who are really into Goth and death. They take pictures of themselves in various death scenes, whether it's a pitchfork through their next or a fence through their back, they are setting up the props and snapping the picture. They are two peas in a pod until Ginger is whisked away by a werewolf and bitten the day she has her first period. She starts to treat her sister Bridgette badly and gets turned on by boys in her high school. Soon she's making out with boys and killing students. Bridgette takes it into her own hands to try to reverse the curse with the help of a pot dealing loafer who sells drugs to the students. The story isn't terrible, but the execution is just poor. The special effects of the werewolf is creepy and weird. It doesn't look like any werewolf you would normally see. The ending is completely forgettable. Apparently there are 2 sequels, but this ending doesn't really point you in that direction. The movie isn't really worth seeing unless you must see every werewolf movie out there. There are much better ones then this. My wife fell asleep 25 mins before it ended. I barely stayed awake myself. You've been warned.
3 out of 10 rating (POM 9/1/2012)
The Twilight Zone: Escape Clause (1959)
Wonderfully witty and dark,
*** Some minor spoilers *** Walter Dedeker is a hypochondriac who believes he is sick and dying. The doctor examines him and says he's in perfect health, but Walter doesn't believe him. His wife Ethel is worried sick however and even the doctor sees her distraught. He decides to give her a prescription for some vitamins. Walter then scoffs, "See, I'm dying, but she gets vitamins!". Enter the Devil (Thomas Gomez), who has a proposition for Mr. Dedeker. He will give him unlimited immortality for his soul. This way Walter will never have to worry about death or dying. The Devil even includes an "escape clause" as the title says. If Walter wishes to end his mortality, he can at anytime.
So you would think that someone with immortality would use it to try to get rich and live his life in luxury with lots of friends for 1000's of years right? No... not Walter. Instead he tries over and over again to kill himself. Of course none of it works. The ending is pretty predictable. It baffles me why someone with immortality would continually try to kill himself, even after he has proved that it won't work? How can anyone be bored when you are able to meet new people all the time and get new technology. The only downside to immortality is the world will eventually end and be destroyed. Watching the Earth be demolished isn't something I'd want to see. Roaming out in space until eternity probably wouldn't be fun either.
One of the best children's Christmas animation.
There are many Christmas animations for children during the holidays. We know the originals (Charlie Brown Christmas, Frosty the Snowman, Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer, Little Drummer Boy, Santa Claus is Coming To Town, Rudolphs Shiny New Years etc..) Two of my favorite that don't get shown as much are "A Year Without A Santa Claus" and this gem "Twas the Night Before Christmas." It tells the tale of two families just before Christmas. One is a human family with a father who is a clock maker. The other is a family of mice with an intelligent male mouse named Albert who doesn't believe in Santa Claus. After Albert writes a letter to Santa Claus, telling him that he and the townsfolk no longer believe in him, Saint Nick decides to blacklist the town and remove them from his itinerary.
When the clock maker finds this out from Father Mouse he decides to make a special clock that at midnight will chime and sing a wonderful song to apologize to Santa and bring him back to the town.
The animation isn't anything special, but the story and voice acting is terrific. It really grabs your attention and keep you watching. The songs and music are also great and little kids will love it. It's still one of my favorite Christmas specials. For some reason it doesn't come on every year anymore. If it does, it's only shown once and I must miss it. I just ordered the DVD off of Ebay. It comes with the sequel to Frosty the Snowman. I'll let me 2 year old watch it this Christmas. A must see for the whole family. Watch for it this holiday on T.V.
Shan dong lao niang (1973)
Great Kung Fu Flick of the 70's
My father took me to see this with my mother back in the earlier 70's. I was like 8 or 9yrs old at the time and it was quite obvious that my parents couldn't find a baby sitter for me. I had no idea where I was going until after I was put in the car. This movie was a double feature with a Rated "X" flick called "The Bang Bang Gang" http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0177530/ . My father was a huge martial arts fan, so that was why he went to see this. The lady at the booth said, "You know these movies are rated "R" and "X" and it's not appropriate for your little boy. My father said, "He'll be sleeping through most of it." LOL, not!! I'm sure my mother went just to get out of the house for a change. Anyway, the X rated movie came on first, I remember my mother telling me to close my eyes when the nude sex scenes started and she put her sweater over my head. Luckily the sweater was knitted with large holes and I was able to see everything. lol!! See my review of "The Bang Bang Gang" on its page. Now, as for the Kung Fu Mama movie, I was allowed to watch that. I don't remember the plot. Something about Big Mama's land being taken by crooked people. Her and her daughter had to fight these baddies and the action was pretty awesome for back then. One guy threw an ax at Mama and she caught it and threw it into his chest. Then she did a flying kick to another guys face. Big Mama got beat up pretty bad as well though. I don't remember how it ended. All I know was there was some great action and a lot of high jumping attacks. The flick is definitely worth watching if you can find it. It also goes by the name "Queen of Fist" & "Karate Lady". You can probably watch it on the Internet if you Google search it. I give the movie a 7 out of 10. I wish I could tell you more about it, but I was way to young to remember everything. If I get more info, I'll update my review.
Here Piggy Piggy
I watch this movie on Netflick while visiting family in New York. First of all the whole movie was subtitled as this is a foreign film that was never dubbed (at least not for Netflix). The plot isn't too complex. A family comes together for a gathering at the father's home. Claire (the daughter) is running the pesticide business for the family and business has been doing poorly as the competition has improved their formula. Her father tells her on the phone that she needs to get back to the labs and come up with a new formula that can compete, as she had done in the past. Claire is pregnant and her husband Nathan is their to share the good new to the father. The day everyone is suppose to meet, Claire's brother and father are discussing business out side as they walk along the wire fenced landscape. All of a sudden, deer run into the wired wall and kill themselves trying to get through the wired fencing. The brother Nicolas decides he wants to find out what's scaring the deer. He asks Nathan if he'll come, but Nathan isn't a hunter and he wants to wait for Claire & her mother to come home.
When Nicholas & his father discover crazy wild boar are causing the ruckus, they go back to the house to get more weapons and ammo. This time Nathan decides to go along with David. What happens next is all out war as the boar chases the men throughout the fields, up trees, into ditches and through fences as they try to kill the crazed boars before they kill them.
Now, I didn't follow the story too well do to my daughter running around in front of me and screaming every time a loud sound occurred on the scream. What I did find out is pesticides Claire tested was being dumped in the small river and lakes near by. This was affecting the boars and making them go crazy. There is a lot of blood, guts, tension, drama and twists in this movie. Character development was terrible though, so you really won't care who gets killed. You'll root for Nathan, but care less about the other characters The end left me scratching my head. If you can watch this on Netflix, go for it. It's a short film at only 84 mins. It's far from perfect, but like the movie High Tension, it's worth at least one viewing. Don't waste your money buying it though. It's not that good. I wish the ending was better though. Check it out.
The Amazing Race (2001)
Best Reality Show On Television - Period
There are hundreds of reality shows on television now, all over the world, but only one captures the excitement. fun, drama, exhilaration, competition and intelligence of a great show. That show is The Amazing Race. Eleven paired contestants travel all over the world completing objectives and challenges on their way to the final "Pit Stop" of the day. Not only are these challenges physical, but all mental and frustrating. Players have to keep it together with themselves and their partner if they are to make it to the end ahead of everyone else. The last couple who makes it to the "Pit-Stop" is usually eliminated. The show is so fun to watch not only for the incredible locations and exciting race on foot, in car, by plane and train through each city, but also because of all the drama between contestants and their partners. Many partners are so competitive, that they get frustrated with their partner or themselves and it shows on camera in many different ways. Every episode is a blast to watch. you never know what's going to happen next or what location they will travel to. It's fun seeing the world and culture of other people. It's even more fun watching the couples navigate though an unfamiliar environment. One wrong turn or flat tire could push them into last place. There are other great reality shows like American Idol, So You Think You Can Dance. Top Chef, Chopped, America's Got Talent, but none of them are as creative or interesting as The Amazing Race. No wonder it's already on it's 18th season, as they've decided to do 2 seasons a year now. The show is so popular. Definitely check this show out.
For Kids Only. About As Good As Spy Kids 3-D.
Let me get the story out of the way first. The film is about a boy (Max) who is picked on at school and decides to conjure up his perfect dream world to escape the real world. His world in on the Planet Drool and the superheroes that protect it are Sharkboy (Taylor Lautner) and Lavagirl (Taylor Dooley). When trouble occurs on the planet Drool, the 2 heroes materialize on Earth. They seek out the only person who can save the planet, which is Max. From there the wild adventure begins.
Now, if you have seen the awful SpyKids 3-D, then you have some idea as to how this movie will look. I didn't care for either movie. The story was just badly written and definitely didn't have anything interesting in it to keep adults attention. Whereas movies like Toy Story 3 and Up have enough entertainment to keep both kids and adults glued to their seats, AoS&L will make you want to run out of the theater. There are some nice special effects and some funny moments, but not enough to keep you there for 93mins. I do get what Robert R was trying to do and he does it right if only 4-12yrs old are going to see his film.
Kids 4-12yrs old will probably love this film. It's aim squarely at them just like the movie "Shorts". If you were going to the movies, you'd send your kids in to see this and then you would go and see Robert's Grindhouse (Planet Terror) or Machete flicks instead. I do enjoy most of Robert R. movies. I was a big fan of Grindhouse (Planet Terror), Sin City, El Mariachi, Desperado, Spy Kids 1 & 2, From Dusk Till Dawm and even The Faculty. Movies like Shorts and AoS&L just can't keep my interest. They are just too kiddie for me. I'm hoping Robert and Quentin will give us another Grindhouse film, but have it focused on Horror or Japanese Giant Monsters like Godzilla. I would be interested to see how then would make movies in those genres.
If you are an adult or teen older then 12, don't even waste your time on this flick. Not worth a rent or purchase. If you have kids who are 4-12yrs old, pick up all the Pixar and Disney flicks you can find. That will keep them entertained for a few months.
Score 4 our of 10.
Star Tours (1987)
Now, The Adventure Is Real!
What can I say about Star Tours that hasn't already been said? Star Tours is a motion simulated ride created by the minds of George Lucas and Disney. Original Disney was going to make a ride based on the Black Hole, but the cost was very high back in 1986, so it was crapped. Disney decided to partner with Lucas to create Star Tours. Disney purchased the four military-grade flight simulators, that cost $500,000 each, and designed the ride's structure. Lucas and his Industrial Light & Magic team created the film for the ride. On Jan 9, 1987, the ride opened to a large number of Star Wars fans who were dressed as SW characters. The Disneyland park stayed open for a 60hr marathon due to the demand for the ride.
As for a ride itself, it a space tour bus that is suppose to take you to the forest moon of Endor where the Ewoks live. If you recall, this was where the battle took place in the Return of the Jedi movie. When you enter the ride it's like a spaceport boarding terminal. Before you get there though you have to walk up and down ramps with lights, animated droids, conveyor belts and pulleys moving around inside a caged areas. You also get a chance to see C-3PO and R2-D2 who will speak to you as you go by. There is also a mock-up version of the StarSpeeder 3000, which is what you will be boarding. Once you get to the loading dock, a ride attendant will line everyone up to board the ride. A video is shown before you board. It tells you where to sit and how to fasten your seat belts (you'll need the seat belt). It's pretty funny video as Star Wars alien characters are in it and it's a hoot.
Once the doors open you move all the way into the last chair and fill up the seats. The front window of the speeder is covered at first, but it eventually lifts up after everyone is seated. You finally get to meet Rex, the RX-24 droid who pilots the StarSpeeder 3000 to Endor. He starts chatting to the guests and tells them about the ride and where you'll be heading. He also tells you that this is his first flight. Rex is voiced by Paul Reubens (aka Pee Wee Herman) and he's very funny. Outside of the window you'll you'll see you are docked inside the space station. Eventually the ship starts to move as you head to the launch tubes, but Rex makes a mistake and the ship heads down the wrong tunnel. Hang on.
I'll leave it at that. All I can say is watch that first drop. lol!! What makes Star Tours special is the sense of speed and feel of the shuttle flying. When you go into light speed, you'll feel the ship lunge forward as your back and head gets pressed into the seat. It's a very cool effect. When the ship banks and dives, so do you. It's a wonderful ride that must be experienced by everyone. Once my daughter is old enough, I'll take her on this. For an even better experience, try Star Trek Experience at the Hilton in Las Vegas. It's at least 2x's better then Star Tours and their shuttle has windows on the sides. Another ride to try with a similar feeling is "Soaring...". It's a hang gliding ride simulation. This can be found at Adventure Land in California and Epcot in Florida. The line is usually very long for this ride. Have fun.