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|24 reviews in total|
Allison Hayes is a beautiful, but dangerous, visitor from another planet. Her race of aliens can't stand heat, and can live only in sub-zero temperatures. Seems a group of American scientists is installing a weather-recording machine in the coldest region of the South Pole. Just then, this space-girl lands at their Antarctic weather station, and that's when strange things begin to happen. First, a mysterious electronic force knocks out their radio transmitter, and then members of the expedition start disappearing. The cause of all this havoc is the female alien from space (Allison Hayes), wearing a short skirt, while the humans are freezing and wearing thick parkas. This episode was rerun numerous times, from 1959 - 1962, often listed as a "movie" on TV channels airing science fiction films. Seems this episode borrowed the basic idea from the classic movie "The Thing from Another World" (1951), but with Allison being a sexy alien, as opposed to James Arness being a giant, scary alien. This is the kind of film that could best be viewed when presented by a late-night horror host like Sammy Terry, whose "Nightmare Theatre" thrilled young fans in Indianapolis in the 1960s. It's been a long time since I saw this show, and if it ever turns up on TV again, it will probably not be as scary or exciting as I vaguely remember it, but it will certainly be nostalgic.
In the late 1830s, when much of the Old West was still Mexican territory,
people are travelling through the deserts, north of Texas and a 3-day ride
from Santa Fe. They are: the Scalphunter, who says his trade is being a
"buffaler" (buffalo hide trader), he is in search of gold; a former ship's
Captain, also in search of the gold; a
Woman from England, a former chambermaid who, in exchange for ship's
to America, signed an agreement to serve the Captain for 5 years, she is
indentured servant; and Mr. Rainbow, a former soldier who killed Indians.
The Captain sets out to find some of Montezuma's gold, risking danger from
both the native Indians and Mexican soldiers. The woman wants to get out
her contract with the Captain and go to New Orleans, she asks Mr. Rainbow
take her there, but he turns her down. Scalphunter wants half of the
Captain's gold, and tags along with his men. Mr. Rainbow sets out across
desert through the Viaje de la Muerte, the Journey of Death.
One night, during a terrible wind storm, the Captain and the Woman and Scalphunter and his men are in a small cabin. Scalphunter snaps impatiently at his men to be quiet. The Captain begins his lecture, "We were in the North Sea in mid-December, sailing for Glasgow harbor, when a black mask came over the horizon. For a solid fortnight, Davey Jones swabbed the decks. 10 men washed overboard before I had time to call all hands below. There were 50 of us, aye 50, holed up in a room not half the size of this one. Tossed against the hull, so hard you could hear their bones crack. And for the whole time, from not one mother's son, was there a whimper." Scalphunter quips sarcastically, "Do you know what your trouble is, Captain? You ain't got no boat." Just then, Mr. Rainbow drops in. Is he after the gold or the woman, or both? An intriguing movie with fascinating character studies.
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
"Wo alle Wege enden" (Where all Ways end) is the
1973 German TV version of the "Night Gallery"
episode: "The Waiting Room" (episode # 2.51)
1/26/1972. After his death, Sam Dichter (Steve
Forrest), a fast-draw gunslinger from the Old
West with a "taste for death," meets other doomed
souls in a saloon, a Waiting Room (hell). One
by one, they leave the Waiting Room and go outside
to relive their death. The standout is Albert
Salmi as Bristol; his face is shown in close up,
and Albert (star of many Westerns) epitomized
the Old West. As Bristol, Albert Salmi delivers
the most important lines in the show. When
the gunslinger idly refers to him as "brother,"
implying they are all the same, Bristol snaps:
"Don't call me brother... I'd sooner be kin to
a vulture bird." Indeed, even though they are
all doomed, they all had their different reasons
for killing (dueling, robbing, unethical doctor)
and winding up in hell; they are not brothers.
And when the gunslinger acts like he doesn't
know why he's in hell, Bristol tells him, "The
problem with you, Dichter, is you got no memory
for things... Now dip into that muddy swamp
you call a brain and try to stir up a few
recollections." For indeed, there would not be
much point to hell if people didn't know why
they were there. Soames (Buddy Ebsen), sums it
all up: "All of us were doomed from the moment
we took up firearms." (This particular sentence
would likely produce goosebumps for Albert
Salmi's fans, for the saying "Live by the gun, die
by the gun" might have a tragic meaning to them.
It was by the gun he lived in these TV dramas and
westerns, and by the gun he died in real life.
He, too, was doomed from the moment he took up
firearms.) Another thought-provoking Night Gallery,
written by the creative force behind "The Twilight
Zone," Rod Serling.
P.S. This story should not be confused with the German novel "Wo alle Wege enden" which is about the lovely Jade stranded on a desert island with Pieter.
This TV series was about the exploits of two
seedy detectives: Nick Small (Darren McGavin)
and his partner Chip Frye (Jack Blessing). Frye
had the superpower to shrink down to 6 inches
in height, due to a freak lab accident-- sometimes
this shrinking ability helped when he was working
on his cases, sometimes not. This pair of Private
Eyes investigated pollutants for a nature-loving
client. The series appeared on CBS, from March 7,
1983 - June 15, 1983. There were 6 episodes--
1) Pilot episode 2) "The Case of the Concerned
Husband" 3) "The Case of the Street of Silence"
4) "Schlockty Too" 5) "Endangered Detectives"
6) "Fiddler on the Hoof"
One New York reviewer wrote: "Albert Salmi was the guest star in episode #5 of 'Small & Frye'. Albert was easily the most enjoyable highlight of this short-lived TV series, which featured his real-life pal Darren McGavin."
This movie is another of the 10 remakes of
old AIP movies. Teenage Caveman, the remake,
relies on a lot of nudity whereas the original
movie had a plot. The remake was filmed indoors
(to save money), whereas the original at least
had outdoor shots which gave the appearance
of a caveman environment. And the remake relies
on swiping ideas, such as a Wolverine-like (from
the "X-Men") main character who can heal instantly.
Once again: watch the original movie, and skip
This movie is a remake of "How to Make a Monster" (1958). One of the producers is Lou Arkoff, son of Samuel Z. Arkoff. It has none of the charm, originality nor good writing of the original. Ed Wood had written a script, back around 1955, for his good friend Bela Lugosi-- Bela was to have portrayed a makeup artist who makes real life monsters. It was eventually turned into an AIP movie. In 2001, AIP was making remakes of 10 of their old movies. This remake turns the monster into a video game, and the film seems to appeal to computer gamers only. The movie is dedicated to the memory of Samuel Z. Arkoff and James H. Nicholson, founding fathers of AIP-- it is not a fitting tribute. My advice: watch the 1958 original, and skip this turkey.
During construction of the Kincaid Tower
in Lexington, Kentucky, a producer decided
to make a movie about it. In the film, they
are rushing to complete the building on
schedule, they need to put up the top 9
stories in 3 weeks. This calls for some
super construction workers-- the "only guy"
for this job is a former construction whiz,
now the truck-driving, womanizing Mike
Catton (Lee Majors). He has to assemble
his whole gang of super builders. The
"Demolition Man" owes him a favor. Then
there's "Dancer" for the last round-up,
and others. Albert Salmi as "Tank" is
the best of the lot, giving a stand-out
performance; when we first see him, Albert
is using his electromagnet crane to lift
a metallic outhouse 60 feet in the air--
with someone in it! (The person inside
the sky-high outhouse cusses a blue streak
and throws newspapers at Albert.) There are
countless innuendoes, comparing erecting
Steel buildings to guys' other functions.
In a scene in a bar, Lee Majors confesses
to Art Carney that he "froze" on top of a
building. Art Carney gives him the manly,
double-meaning advice: "This building will
give a you chance to 'get it up' again."
Then, the Dream Team arrives at the
construction site. This is the team they'll
be talking about forever! Later, while
socializing, Lee Majors says: "I get restless,
maybe, just not used to all that sitting
around." Jennifer O'Neill says: "You just
tell me when you start 'stiffening' up...
and I'll give you a massage." Still later,
when they are discussing his fear problem,
Jennifer asks him: "Why does yours have to
be bigger than everyone else's?" As for Albert
Salmi, he uses his big crane to drop a huge
steel beam on (bad guy) R.G. Armstrong's car--
what a zany! (in real life, Albert Salmi and
R.G. Armstrong had been friends for decades,
back to when they starred together in the
Broadway show "End As a Man" in 1954. R.G.
even attended Albert's first wedding. This
movie was like a reunion for them.)
Will the Dream Team get the building finished before the deadline? Will Lee Majors overcome his construction erecting dysfunction? Watch the movie and find out.
There was a lot of thought put into this TV
series, which was not your typical Western.
For one thing, his name: a Paladin was a lawful
knight of Charlemagne's court. This accounts
for the chess-piece knight on his calling card,
and the lyrics of the theme song which refer
to him as "a knight without armor in a savage
land." His calling card said "Have Gun, Will
Travel" and "Wire Paladin, San Francisco."
(By the way, "Wire" was not his first name,
it's a verb meaning "send a telegram.") Paladin,
the only name he ever went by, was a true
split-personality type. He was equally at
home wearing expensive suits and living a
rich playboy lifestyle in a San Francisco
hotel, or donning his black working clothes,
and avenging evil. Some of the clients he
stood up for were not in the majority; for
example, he once defended the Mennonites,
which probably would make him seem to be a
non-conformist. Paladin only cared about right
and wrong. Even though he charged a fee for
his services, he only took cases he believed
in, and clients he wanted to help.
" 'Have Gun, Will Travel' reads the card of a man. A knight without armor in a savage land. His fast gun for hire heeds the calling wind. A soldier of Fortune is the man called Paladin. Paladin, Paladin, where do you roam? Paladin, Paladin, far, far from home."
Moe, Larry and Curly don't look like Doughboys (old slang for "American soldiers"), they are dressed as Japanese soldiers for a photo session. Grabbing a quick lunch at a diner, they stuff their mouths with bread, and sound like they are talking gibberish-- the owner mistakes them for Japanese spies. The Stooges run away, and wind up in a house with German spies. They are introduced to 3 beautiful German ladies: Miss Zweiback ("twice-baked bread"), Miss Schwarzbrot ("rye bread") and Miss Pumpernickel ("dark rye bread"). The Three Stooges quip that the ladies are "well bread" (well bred). Trying to convince them they are real Japanese soldiers, the Stooges do some "oriental" balancing acts, and fall down a lot. The real Japanese soldiers show up, and the Three Stooges knock everyone out in a hilarious fight scene. With the Three Stooges around, America is still safe for democracy.
A lot of the Bowery Boys movies had the theme that Sach discovered a
new power-- whether a K.O. punch in the boxing ring, or a wonderful
singing voice, etc. In this film, Sach develops the power to "smell"
diamonds! (Sach got it from taking a new antibiotic, "Striptopifficin"
50,000 micrograms, for a sinus "infatuation.") When a jewel thief runs
into Louie's Sweet Shop, and tries to hide some stolen diamonds from a
policeman, Sach sniffs out the loot-- "a king's transom" of diamonds,
as Slip says. So the Boys decide to sniff out diamonds in Africa.
Actually, they spend a lot of time on a sound stage with trees and
tropical plants, and look at mis-matched stock footage of the Serengeti
Plain (sort of like an episode of "Ramar of the Jungle"). They hack
through a steaming jungle, where the temperature is 130 degrees
"centipede." Sach meets beautiful jungle girl Anatta (Laurette Luez),
with the same beauty salon hairdo, eye shadow and lipstick she had as
Tigri in "Prehistoric Women" (1950). She wants to "Kiss, kiss, kiss"
Sach (who said these movies make sense)? The Boys are captured by a
hostile tribe, and the witch doctor wants to shrink everyone's head
(except Sach's). Slip bemoans, "I don't know one place in New York City
that sells 1-and-7/8 size hats!" Will they escape? Will they find the
diamonds? Will they ever see the Bowery and Louie's Sweet Shop again?
Watch the movie and enjoy!
A Bowery Boys movie, written by Edward Bernds and Elwood Ullman. It doesn't get any better than this. And if you don't think this movie has one of their prettiest guest stars in Laurette Luez, you should get your eyes examined by an "octopus" (oculist).
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