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Meet the Spartans (2008)
I give this movie a big "Swords Down"
The film genre of "movie parodies" is really in the toilet. Every gag and bit in this movie dragged out way too long. Had I known how much sewage was going to be on display, I would have never taken my 7th Grader to this mess. I had thought about not taking her, but she pestered me for 2 weeks to go on opening night. Plus she had a friend with her. This is a PG-13 rated movie that should have been rated R. I sat in anothe row with my girlfriend and was really squirming in my seat the entire time. It is full of homosexual jokes from beginning to end and they weighed the movie down beyond description. Carmen Electra was abysmal and I pray to God that I never have to see that fat guy from "Borat" scantily clad ever again. It's just overkill. There was also enough product placement that the producers probably were able to raise the entire budget from corporate sponsorship. I am convinced that we are in full decline as a civilization if this is the idea of humor in the minds of our youth. Don't waste your time with this stink bomb.
Smokin' Aces (2006)
Great Individual Performances!
For some reason, this movie gets a 10 from me. The characters and dialogue were amazing. Pivens as "Aces" was fantastic. The role couldn't have been cast better. I wanted to reach into the scream and whack him personally. A pleasant surprise (although brief) was the appearance of Jason Bateman as the shady attorney Rip Reed. Bateman's dialogue was not only superbly written, it was equally delivered. Andy Garcia and Ray Liotta were in their typical typecast roles as "stiffs in suits". Garcia plays an uptight FBI supervisor who is hiding something. Liotta is far more toned down in this film playing a subordinate agent under Garcia's watch. Alicia Keys and Common are engaging and memorable in their roles as hit men/thugs. I won't say much about Ben Affleck's or Peter Berg's characters. To do so would be a spoiler. Let's just say it's good to see Affleck back in circulation. I always liked him more in smaller roles.
The plot is complicated but in chronological order for the most part, so it flows. The dialogue is hysterical and fast pace. The plot has some predictable twists but ends with one decent surprise. Sorry, can't tell you anymore. I would go just to watch a group of talented actors great character performances.
Jackass Number Two (2006)
If you hate burp, fart, penis, and poop humor, than you will hate Jack Ass 2. I on the other hand felt it was the funniest movie I have ever seen. I had to close my eyes several times due to some really gross parts, but I still laughed. Most of the movie they would do something brutally painful and I would scream "OH!" And that would be followed by laughter. It was non-stop to be perfectly honest. I thought it was 10 times funnier than the original. They went beyond pusing the envelope on this one! You could tell that they had a much larger budget to work with. The make up gags were classic. It was also nice to see Preston in some of the funnier gags. Conspicuously missing is "Uncle Vito" aka Vince Margera. He got popped for groping a minor at an autograph session in Colorado, so he got cut from the movie to avoid scandal and decreased box office draw. This is a must see for any fan of the original show and first movie.
American Wedding (2003)
On My Top 10 worst films ever
I just sat through all 3 American Pie DVDs tonight. I loved the first American Pie and had always wanted to see the other two. It was like watching radiation decay. The substance just got less and less. The third film was horrible. I doubt purported scheduling conflicts kept a number of others from participating in this film. I would guess good common sense on the part of actors that want to keep from having a brown poo stain on their film resume would be a more suitable reason. The whole plot revolves around Stiffler more than the main 2 characters who are supposed to be getting married. The DVD adds "bonus" footage the consists of all these bizarre out takes from a bachelor party scene. These scenes were so bad that I had to walk out of the living room on 3 different ocassions. It just wasn't funny. I was actually screaming in horror during one scene where stiffler puts something really awful in his mouth. I'll say no more. It was just a really bad movie. It was as if everyone was just trying too hard to be funny. In fact the whole "Stiffler" character was completely blown way out of proportion this go around. The whole plot line where Stiffler is trying to get in good with his buddy's future inlaws so he can be invited to the wedding and bed their daughter is just idiotic. The screen writer for this film should be beaten with soap wrapped in a towel. It's that bad of a movie.
Over exposure seeks its revenge
Well, we saw it with Roseanne, Michael Jackson and many more. Over exposure rears its ugly head once again, and all the hype in the world can't save this disaster. Ben has once again picked a real winner of a movie idea. Yeah...he's the guy I want in my corner when I win the next Project Greenlight...lol. Truthfully, I wasn't shocked at all to see that this dismal motion picture had made it all the way to the top of the "Bottom 100 of all time" films. J-lo as a lesbian doesn't work. I would have enjoyed it more if they cast Rosie O'Donnell as Ben s love interest. In fact, this could have been a block buster if it had been Ben Stiller and Rosie O'Donnell or Ellen DeGeneris! NOT! Jen's Cutesy "Gobble, Gobble" line almost got me to leave the theatre, but like all who love to watch a good car wreck, I had to stay 'til the bitter end. I think casting Mr. Affleck as a Hit Man was a very bad mix too. He should have just whacked himself in the opening scene and I could have stayed home and save $7.50. These two people are way too full of themselves to be for real. Truthfully, my theory on the whole thing is this: They both took little or no salary to do the film in return for a % of the gross. ( ben is famous for this routine ) then the editing process began and the 2 realized that they messed up majorly for not taking the money and running. So they conjured up this "relationship" thinking they would be the talk of the universe (which they were) and people would go to see the film regardless of its appeal. Then once the film opened, they could go their seperate ways (ie the stripper story in last week's Enquirer). Now they will break up and maybe sympathy will rouse video & DVD sales next week when this trash is yanked from the once Silver Screen. There's my 2 centablos. Stick to singin' and shakin' J-lo. And Ben, stay where you belong too >
Saving Silverman (2001)
Jack Black is Da Bomb
Don't ask me why, but I found this movie to be one of the funniest I've seen in a long time. Yes, it was stupid, but there were some great gags. Jack Black discovering he is gay, the coach crapping in the yard, the nipple clips, & the whole Neil Diamond thing. I give it 2 thumbs up....
Trio Network must be hurting for good programming
This show is a true snap-shot of the expression "My, how times have changed!" The scariest part of watching re-runs of this awful show is that an entire generation of Americans actually found the sketches (if you can call them that) funny. I watch it a few times a week just out of morbid fascination. Kind of like watching a car wreck as you drive by. Nearly every pop culture icon of the late 1960's & early 1970's did a guest spot on the show. Even Nixon. To call it "sketch humor" is a bit rediculous. It's mostly a dated show of 1960's one-liners. Political humor, sexist humor, and just plain corn-ball crap. No one now would find it remotely interesting unless they had a first hand knowledge of the times or were just into 20th Century history. It is fun to see dead stars of the past and those who aged really bad. It is also fun to watch celebrities who have sold their souls to the devil. This is based on several actors who have not changed at all since the show aired! LOL.... This show really sucks to put it bluntly. It's scary to think it was once the number one rated television show in America. I guess so many people were on hallucenogens, that no one noticed how horrible it was.
Beyond the Mat (1999)
A Must For The Wrestling Fan
I am a wrestling fan, so most likely, even if this film sucked, I would give it a decent rating. To my surprise, it was excellent. It really shines a light on the life of a professional wrestler. Those wrestling for WWF owner Vince McMahon have essentially sold their souls to the devil. It seems that this genre of entertainment has taken an ugly turn toward the extreme over the past 5 years. Gone are the days of Good vs. Evil. It seems that everyone and everything is grey at best. In order to make it in the sport as a headliner, one must put their body on the line every night. It also shows the various stages of different wrestlers in their careers. Former "super stars" like Jake "the snake" Roberts show that the life of a wrestler is a hard one. From injuries to self imposed damage from substance abuse, one can see the ravages of Professional Wrestling. Wrestling may be fake with regard to it being planned as far as a winner, but these guys take a beating every night. They must be in far better condition physically than any other athlete. If you haven't seen this film, do so. 10 plus....
King Kong (1976)
I remember this when I was 9
I actually vividly remember going to see this movie when it came out in 1976. I was 9, and I liked it alot. I have since seen it another 2 or 3 times. I was very surprised to see that Jessica Lange nailed a Golden Globe for her performance. It was great considering it was a remake and it was made in the 70's. The story line was better than the original, but the whole "mysterious island" shrouded in fog seem way off base to me. Now that I am 33 anyway. Boy, she was a nice piece back then. What the hell happened to her? Grodin was great too. He has sure turned out to be majorly lame. Should have stuck with acting Charles. Your talk show bites the big one. I don't even think you're on the air anymore. I sure hope not.
The Whole Nine Yards (2000)
A Great Surprise
Well, I hate friends, but I have to hand it to Matthew Perry. This guy is too much. Very talented comedic actor. Rosanna Arquette really pulled off a good role too. Basically, I couldn't find anything about this movie I didn't like. I could only give it an 8 though. A comedy has to be a real classic for me to give it more than an 8. Natasha what's her name was not a good choice for Perry's love interest, but she's so fine, who cares. I suppose if they didn't have her, it would have been too jokey. The story line was actually put together well for a goof ball movie. Switching the teeth was a great twist. It wasn't as good as "there's something about mary", but good enough that I've seen it twice.