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A New Face of Debbie Harry (1982)
Giger has a "heart of class" for Debbie Harry
From the flower power group Wind In The Willows to Playboy bunnydom to rock icon, Debbie Harry aka Deborah Harry is at her blonde best in this diva of all diva's documentary. A must for harried Harry heart-throbbers! Only the divine Ms. Debbie could deliver pure pop perfection from a bottle of bleach and a can of "hairspray".
The Naked Ape (1973)
Son of "The Rifleman" in the raw! Uh...so what?
Passable adaptation of the Desmond Morris novel that child/teen idol star Johnny Crawford would probably rather forget. Brings to light that burning question: why do so many former underage actors/actresses/singers, etc. try to shake their image by doffing their duds?
The Incredible Melting Man (1977)
It's only oatmeal! It's only oatmeal!
Thanks to this fungal film I do NOT want my Maypo, can't stomach the thought of Maltex or Wheatena, and even that granola over there doesn't look so innocent anymore! Why wasn't the song "Slop Time", by the Sherrys, used as the theme?
Portrait of Jennie (1948)
The grand old grandparent of "Ghost" and "Carnival Of Souls"
Absolutely perfect blend of dreamy romance, eerie, atmospheric ghost-story inuendo, and classic black and white cinematography (save for a brief color shot of the actual "portrait of Jennie"). Jennifer Jones is the quintessentially innocent, star-crossed, troubled soul who finds peace and spiritual salvation by transcending fate and meeting the man she would have spent an entire human life with.
The original "Silent Night Deadly Night"- straight from the island of "misfit movies"!!
If you've been naughty and not nice, Santa won't leave you a lump of coal, he'll tie you up and force you to watch "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians"!!! Whatever happened to the proposed sequel: "Jesus Vs. the Christians from Neptune"?
The Creeping Terror (1964)
Hootenanny from Hell with a carpetbagging carpet creature!
So badly made that a portion of the soundtrack is a nonsensical narration describing the action on the screen! In one scene of dance-hall devastation, you can actually see the person inside this mutated, slithering vacuum-cleaner bag pulling the "helpless", "struggling" (struggling to get inside the "monster") victim into the maw of the amazing whatzit! Check out the nifty folk Hootenanny and sing along with the dorks before they climb into the Dirt Devil from Death Valley and discover that it's really the Kingston Trio taking revenge on the public for their waning career!
The Touchables (1968)
Groupie grope goes ga-ga in untouchable, unctious sixties silliness
Long ago in the swingin', free-love sixties, before the onset of interpretive sexual harassment, you could abduct your favorite pop idol, strip them nearly naked, tie them to a rotating table under a transparent dome, and force yourself upon them, and lo and behold: THEY LOVE IT!!! Rigggghhhhhhhht!
Carnival of Souls (1962)
Candace Hilligoss does the limbo rock with the "near death experience"!
Picture-perfect portrayal of a vapid young woman who learns more about life in death after her "car-ma" careens off a bridge and she does the limbo rock with the "near death experience". Did "Night Of The Living Dead" director George Romero take zombie- building lessons from "Carnival" director Herk Harvey? Comfortably corny yet appropriately atmospheric, "Carnival Of Souls" gives any of the old "Twilight Zone" episodes creepily competent competition.
The Blair Witch Project (1999)
"The walrus was Paul...."
Ingenious marketing gimmickry a la the Beatles' bizarre plot to dupe dumb fans (planting hundreds of subliminal clues and back-masking material) into believing Paul McCartney had died. "The Blair Witch Project" employs similar salesmanship via the lost documentary crudeness and subsequent staging of an implicit massacre which will undoubtedly result in a "War of the Worlds" fever wherein fans staunchly believe its validity. Art imitating life imitating death? Just remember the words of the old song "The Teddy Bear's Picnic": "If you go out in the woods today..." Finally, a genuine scare for the first time in eons!
Three Guns for Texas (1968)
"Linda Littletrees" lusts after Lone Star lawman Bill Smith's buff bravado...
"Native American" (shame! shame! you could have hired Buffy Sainte-Marie) Shelley Morrison kidnaps Texas Ranger William Smith (after he displays his perfect pecs); an arrogant New Hampshire constable tries to teach Lone Star lawmen about "proper law enforcement" (believe me, nothing has changed in that respect!); Albert Salmi plays a jinx-bedeviled cowboy (ironic considering his eventual real-life suicide), and Neville Brand's gravel-voiced grumbling grates in this goofy but gregarious series send-off of the "Laredo" tv show. It ain't no "Wild Wild West", but its wacky and warm western wiles are still engaging.