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Chesler
Reviews
D-Tox (2002)
What a waste of big names
Lots of great, or formerly great, people in this movie (rented at Blockbuster as Eye See You) but what a waste of potential talent. I didn't expect great, but this wasn't good. For a better movie featuring a desolate snowbound scene of mass murders with a great Black actor riding in to the rescue on a cat-tracked vehicle, see The Shining.
Otherwise all we've got is under-developed characters in identical blue snorkel jackets getting knocked off one by one -- and THE KILLER IS INSIDE THE HOUSE! (Oops, I guess I should have put a spoiler warning there :-).)
And what's with Stallone's facelift? (That isn't motorcycle-goggle-windburn at the opening, it's more likely dermabrasion.)
Not that Stallone's diction has ever been confused with that of Olivier, but the sound was so poor I had to use the Closed Captioning to follow the dialog (which helped in distinguishing among the blue-jacketed redshirts.)
Resident Evil (2002)
Never having played the game, I didn't get the movie
I like my monsters to make sense. I suppose if I were familiar with the video game I'd understand, or at least have gotten over asking, why things were the way they were.
Why would zombies feed on humans instead of on whatever it was they ate when they were still human?
Mutation is not the same as shape-shift.
Why have a bunch of scrap steel pipe just hanging around a personnel transport except that the director has a plan for that prop later on?
I will give points for a confusing situation (the viewer and the amnesiacs never quite sure who are the good guys and who are the enemies) and an overpoweringly unconventional ending.
Dude, Where's My Car? (2000)
Watch it through -- it's not as bad as it looks
I expected I'd have to disengage my brain to watch this video, but it still took me three tries to get through, and I'm glad I insisted on making the video store earn its 99c.
At first I thought it was all dumb stoner jokes, but by the end I was in the film's groove, and it was all making sense.
For maximum enjoyment don't give up right away, and review the cast list to catch all the cameos.
Sacrifice (2000)
Worthwhile only for Michael Madsen
Except for Michael Madsen, who was great as always, the acting and the writing were awful. The motivation of the serial killer was somewhat novel, but the rest of the plot was full of holes and dead ends. I don't know if the genre is cops-and-robbers, or whodunit mystery, or cheesey slasher.
Meet Prince Charming (1999)
Where's the tension?
Tia Carrere and TriBeCa are nice to look at, but where was the tension? The viewer knows that just like its predecessors "Shop Around the Corner", "You've Got Mail" and how many others that the leads will realize that they've been meant for each other all along and will fall in love, but this show lacked any obstacles for them to overcome on their way.
Nor do we learn how these future lovers began to hate each other in the first place.
The final act seemed tacked on like a filler -- the film could have ended without it and been just as unsatisfying.
Jawbreaker (1999)
Good parts, went nowhere
Was this supposed to be funny? There were some good parts, but nothing came of them. The cameos were good, and as a parent it's always good to feel the pulse of youth culture. It's the kind of movie that makes for good previews, but the concepts, scenes, characters, and plot points were never properly woven together.