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Leprechaun: Origins (2014)
I bought the Complete Leprechaun Collection because the movies are a fun watch. Yes they are terrible, but also in a so bad they are good kind of way. You got hammy acting and nothing is taken seriously. Warwick Davis is a blast and makes those films fun.
This reboot could have been great. Make the film more horror instead of campy. OK I can deal with that. The set up is interesting. Now there may be spoilers down the line so be warned.
Movie has basic teens/college kids on a trip. This time it is trough Ireland. Nice touch putting it in the home country. They travel to a small town in the middle of nowhere. They meet a seemingly nice man at the tavern. He tells them of some old ruins that interest most of the group. It would be an all day trip so he offers them the use of a cabin he owns. The are taken out to the cabin for the night. But they are attacked be a creature. Turns out the town robbed a cave of all the gold and now must offer sacrifices till the debt is repaid to the leprechaun. Only it isn't a little man in a green suit. It is more of a small troll like creature. The "heroes" try to survive while the 4 villagers we see try to make sure they don't escape the leprechaun or it will attack their village again.
Again interesting idea for a plot, but they mess up the Leprechaun formula that worked and made people enjoy the franchise. One, the Leprechaun doesn't talk. It is pure beast/animal/monster. No suit, just hairy troll. We needed a wrestler to play this why? There is no acting to it! Second, the camera work is shoddy as can be. To keep you from getting any good look at the monster, the shots go in and out of focus quickly while the camera moves around. This takes away any fear and replaces it with annoyance. Third, horror movies are supposed to be "morality plays". Good virgin girl always survives while the ones who have sex, drink, or do drugs die. In Leprechaun films the ones who steal his gold or are insulting to him die. Here the characters are all good who maybe have a drink or two at the tavern. No drugs, no sex, nada. No reason for the killing.
This film could have been so much better. WWE you needed to have someone tell you how to make one of these films. Want to put Hornswaggle in it? Fine, but have him actually act and fill Warwick's shoes in the same way he did in all his films.
Don't bother with it unless you get it in a collection or it is free on streaming.
Not a Jaws rip off after all..
I started watching this film thinking it was going to be another 70s killer animal movie or a Jaws rip off. For the first 1/3 or so of the film it seemed that way. It had several underwater attacks by the title fish, but after a point it became a mystery about the why the fish are aggressive and soon became a conspiracy movie.
The film is decently acted for the most part, but there are parts and roles that are just very poorly acted or awkward. Papa Jack's son reminded me of Buford T. Justice's son Junior in the Smokey and the Bandit films. He acts more or less like an idiot or adult child. There is one scene with extras who get in a fender bender and start arguing. The acting here is really bad and comes off a little cheesy. Same goes for the diner sequence with the waitress spilling the glass of water and arguing with the cook. Both seem very unnatural.
The barracudas themselves look like puppets when biting people. When it is the tail end you see it seems like a set hand was just holding the puppet by the head and shaking it in front of the camera.
Overall it is an OK film. It is cheesy enough to be fun for a watch, just don't expect anything great.
Problem Child (1990)
Decent at best.. may have worked better a different way
The movie's premise of a naughty neglected boy being adopted by a overly kind parent who ends up loving him would make a great movie, if given better writing. I would recommend the "comedy" being mostly removed and it being done as a drama.. maybe a bit of a psychological case study type movie. The premise of a kid who is different finding love and acceptance is a good movie formula(like Martian Child). Even some of the scenes could even work in the drama version.
A few that spring to mind are Junior's first night when Ben has a heart to heart with his new son in the kitchen. The scene is actually nice and touching. Ben really comes off well and Junior seems like a decent kid in the scene. The other is when Ben is free of the wife and Junior and is happy till he finds the picture. Another scene I'd keep.
Overall, the movie is okay. It is very mean spirited and one has to wonder as Junior sets up his nasty pranks how no one notices him doing the things. The kid is a major brat and could stand a spanking or two. Jon Ritter's character is the only really well done character in the film.
The drama version wouldn't have to be that much different plot wise really. Here goes: Drop the opening of him being tossed from home to home. Just give a little exposition in dialog later. Give a bit of neglect and maybe some abuse to add weight to it. Open with the boy (give a name other than Junior (to generic))getting into some trouble and being scolded. Nothing psychotic like the comedy version. Make him an outcast still and the other kids are mean. Kid figures if he isn't liked, he will pick a role model who isn't nice... like a criminal (drop the stupid bow tie though.) Cut to the kindhearted dad and the mom. She can still be a bit of a witch and want the child for the selfless reasons. But the dad wants to be a good father and make a difference in a child's life. Heck we could make him just a single father. Keep the aggressive grandfather role. He can be the same jerk and not care for Junior since he is adopted.
Junior acts out to get attention and gets in a fight with another kid who teases him. Dad sits down the son and talks him through his troubles. Kid still does stuff that is wrong but nothing like the awful "pranks" like in the 1990 version. He does it for the real reason a kid like that would. He sees any kind of attention as a good thing.
Over the course of movie the boy starts to try and model himself after his new dad as he finally feels more acceptance. But when he tries to do something nice for his dad he ends up doing something really bad (like wrecking the car into a house or something). Fearing he will no longer be loved, he runs away. Dad desperately looks for his son and comes to the boy's aid. Ends with dad and son forming a bond of love and the boy beginning to heal.
Cut, print, Oscar...
There same basic plot and a lot of elements, but a more realistic approach. Instead of a sadistic child who laughs with glee at things that could have caused someone's death, we get a realistic scared child craving attention.
Good acting, but poor police work at the end
The overall story is good and well acted. The Detective speaks to the little girl over the phone and lots of officers comb the city looking for her. But the end kinda makes me laugh because their actions doom their case. Think about why there is no courtroom section of this episode? They guy would be freed due to improper police work.
They track the girl to the electronics store but it is closed. They are awaiting a warrant to search the place. Olivia sees a man fitting the description the girl gave which is basic at best. Brown hair and glasses with a blue case. Oliva halts his car, Ice T drags the guy out of the car, slams him on the hood and they search it. Illegal search. No consent given. Then they smash their way into the electronics store (illegal entry and search). They find the room empty. Oliva practically strangles the guy till he says he wants a lawyer. She notices dirt on his shoes so she rips it off his foot and hits it on a table to loosen the dirt. (another illegal obtaining of evidence). She gloats how the crime lab will use it to track down the girl's body. He get's up and she hits him in the face (assault? - Could be argued self defense). Finn finds a piece of burnt wood and deduces the burned down burger place across the street. Cops smash the fence and search (again someone owns the lot and no warrant for a search). The find all the costumes and the little girl who is brought back to life safe and sound. Again due to searching before a warrant is given, all the clothes and such are inadmissible in court. The only thing they have is the girl's testimony. But even then considering the gross negligence in acting before the arrival of the warrant he could be set free.
Still a well acted gripping story. I just have fun sitting back and with a basic understanding of proper police procedures picking a drama apart on its faults. Would make drama's lousy if they actually followed the letter of the law. CSI would take an entire season to solve one case. Once you learn how the real stuff works, you know things like DNA takes weeks to months to get a result back. Also you can't enhance a blurry picture or a reflection on someone's eye into a high definition picture.
Halloween II (2009)
Another lousy remake
Wish i could go lower on this film. A one is not low enough. It is that bad.
The first one screwed up by doing the back story and making him "human". He is supposed to be the Boogeyman. Not a white trash little psychopath.
This one tries to be a little artsy at times. The sound drops out completely and music is turned way up. This may work in other movies.. but not here.
One big problem is the writing. I have never heard the F bomb uttered so much in a single film. It comes off as either the writer thinks it makes him sound edgy and cool, or a little kid who learns the word, knows it is naughty and keeps saying it because he knows it is wrong. Either way it is annoying. One sequence is 2-3 minutes of a guy just saying the f word. Ugh.
Other parts give the viewer a major WTF reaction. Like when Annie, her father, and Laurie are having pizza. Meanwhile Michael cuts open a dead dog and eats the heart. Then almost like it is a physical connection Laurie gets sick. So she tasted the dog heart? What?? I can see it written as a twin sensing what the other is doing, but two people separated by 10 years in age? No! In the original you may hear a little heavy breathing from Michael, here he grunts.. a lot.
The ONLY things I liked in this movie were Dr. Lumis and Weird Al. Lumis was great that he is so different. The old Lumis was excellent as well. Old Lumis was a savior and died a real hero. He knew Meyers was pure evil. He tried to keep it contained. New Lumis wanted to help and felt he failed Meyers. Then after surviving the encounter in the first one, he becomes a total a****** and profits from the tragedy. Adds a new Dynamic to the character. Al is hilarious as always.
Laurie is nuts, but somewhat understandable. Her friend also survived the attack yet seems fine. Also the cop dad must be very lenient to allow Laurie to spray paint pentagrams and crap all over the walls of her room and bathroom.
The dream sequence stuff with mommy and little Mikey. What the hell is that? Seriously? And how is it Laurie sees this? How can the little Mikey hold her down? It makes no sense! The opening in the hospital was somewhat OK... but it is all a dream and never happened.
A pale remake of a classic
Rob Zombie obviously doesn't get horror. He get's violence and gore OK, but not not the spook factor.. Heck none of the recent remakes really get their source material all that well.
In the original you see a POV shot of someone looking through a mask.. A hand picks up a big knife and walks upstairs. The POV walks up to a young woman and kills her. It is then revealed in front of the house to be a small child. He has a blank stare and the house and parents look fairly well off. Then it cuts to modern times and you have the adult Michael simply walking and stalking the victims. He is slow and methodical. When he kills someone he has a bit of a quizzical reaction to their death. The deaths are never super gory. The mystery is what makes it scary. You know so little so your mind wonders what caused this all.
Now we get a pointless remake. Zombie obviously hates mystery because he feels the need to to give us about half the movie devoted to how Meyers became what he is. He is the demented son of a stripper, with a sleazy nasty sister, an abusive step father, he is bullied at school, and loves to torture small animals. He is just a white trash kid with severe problems? wow.. Way to suck all the spookiness out of a film.
He is no longer some supernatural force of nature. No.. he is just some psychopath who is freakishly big and strong. Nothing more. You can kinda see motives behind the killings now.
Some movie killers need a back story. If they have one it is usually summed up in a few quick moments or a scary story. Think of how they gave back story to Freddy and Jason.
in nightmare on Elm Street. The mother basically tells everything you need to know inside of a 2-3 minutes speech. Jason, well his mother tells it shortly too. Then in another sequel it is again told, this time as a scary story. Very brief and tells what you need to know.
With this movie you get a long drawn out psychological profile of the little snot. Wow.. the home life comes as no shock. Gory and unsettling is not horror. Mystery, suspense of building up to a kill is what makes horror.
This movie has holes you could drive a truck through. Like young Micheal hid the mask and knife and finds it 15+ years later? So he planned ahead 15 years? How did he know it would still be there? Was he planning to kill mommy as soon as he got out? Kill the old principal? What? Makes no sense. The original is just him holding knife with a blank stare on his face. That is creepy and scary.
This movie is nothing more than an attempt to get money out of teens who think gore = horror.
The Day After Tomorrow (2004)
Ludicrous and just plain far fetched
This has got to be one of the stupidest films I've seen in a while. This movie is like a dream come true for Al Gore because it would prove his global warming bull was right. Basically if you watch this film leave your brain turned off otherwise you won't believe one iota of this film.
OK it starts out in Antarctica. Suddenly a piece the size of Rhode Island breaks off. It is global warming. Well the VP and world leaders don't believe it. (The VP is a blatant stab at the Bush admin by making him look like Dick Cheney) Well the Earth goes into massive weather problems like Tornadoes in LA, massive massive hail in Tokyo and eventually the northern hemisphere freezing (all inside of a week or so) Preposterous. Also it is possible to walk from Philly to NYC in arctic conditions in a day or two? Yeah right.
Also there is a bizarre sub plot that goes nowhere. Sam's mom/Quaid's wife is a nurse. There is a sick boy. The plot with the kid makes no sense nor does it really have much of an end. The kid has cancer. He is looking at a book. He can't read the book, but he looks at the pictures and remembers the story. Later she reads to the kid. Then the ambulances forget them during the evacuation. She stays with the kid. Then a rescue team arrives. Then she sees him again at the end.
OK but why is this in there? Were we supposed to learn the parents died and she now takes the kid in as her own? Were the parents to be reunited? What? There was going to be a second one involving the Japanese man and a NYC stockbroker, but it was cut. The Japanese man on the phone was re-dubbed to Japanese and made into a conversation with his wife. This sticks out due to his facial reactions being kinda wrong for the scene.
This movie is far fetched, has a needless subplot that goes nowhere, and bad CGI (mainly the shot of the wolves. The were obvious CGI) Only thing this movie is good for is making fun of on MST3K. Or in its new form Rifftrax.
Brain Donors (1992)
How does one not laugh at this film?
If you do not find this film funny check your pulse because you have got to be dead. You don't like a joke then wait 2 seconds and you find another. The jokes come fast and furious. This is a very great movie for one liners. The sight gags are hilarious too.
Roland is perfect as the ambulance chasing sleezeball lawyer. His rapid fire barbs dig into anyone within ear shot. Jauques is great for a quick line, but mostly for sight gags. Rocco is also a great with the quick lines.
One of my favorite sight gags is where Jauques pulls a laptop out of his coat. Then makes a few flips and the laptop has a big table. Then out of the table he pulls a monitor and printer and LCD light bar the shows stock quotes. He also pulls out a blow up doll. Rocco just says the line "We got years to go before we can even come close the the Japanese..." The ballet sequence at the end has a massive number of jokes in it, mostly visual. This is by far one of the funniest movies ever. Up there with Airplane and Naked Gun. This is sadly under appreciated.
Way to long...
Just got done watching this.. Man was it way too long and complex.. well complex in the fact we have to follow about a dozen story lines or so it seems. Don't think I reveal anything important but adding a spoiler warning just in case.. Not like people care about this film. Not like it has any clever twists like the Village or anything We got the impending doom of the planet. We got the underground project to protect the most needed people of society. We got Perry and his constant attempts to get back to his family. We got the psycho killer stalking Perry's wife and daughter. We got the government turning perry into a spy on other scientists. We got the... oh i give up! Frankly the premise is preposterous. A star does not go nova in a matter of days. It would take thousands and thousands of years. Plus you got the overly reused shot of a fire ball being shot at the earth. Man the sun certainly is a skilled marksman because every shot it fires hits the earth! And a satellite manages to catch each one on camera perfectly and crystal clear, yet no one can get a radio reception.
The special effects are state of the art... for the early 90s or late late 80s. Well then again... no they aren't. They are low budget and very poor. I've seen video games with more realistic graphics.
If you are looking for a movie to heckle this is a good one.. If you are looking for a good movie.. look elsewhere.
Showbiz Moms & Dads (2004)
Yikes where to even begin.
Basically it follows 5 sets of parents trying to get their kids into showbiz.. Some are kinda delusional.
The families are:
A single mom putting her 4 year old daughter into beauty pagents.
A single mother putting her 8 year old into acting. The girl was apparently on That's So Raven two times... maybe more.
A mother trying to get her 13 year old son into the music biz. He competes in regional competitions.
A mother trying to get her 13 year old daughter into acting while also raising another 7 year old duaghter.
And a father who is trying to get his 7 kids (forget just how many) ranging from 7 to about 16 or so into acting.
God i feel bad for some of these kids.
First off the mother of the four year old, Emily Tye, says she is tired of her daughter being reffered to as a Jon Benet. She says the daughter loves doing this. Well the little girl was crying and didn't want to go up on stage. The mother kinda consoles the girl into getting up there. Mom says she always crys a bit before getting up there but once she is up there she is all smiles. Helllloooo. Your kid is doing it to make you happy. She is miserable doing this. Plain to see mom. Yeesh.
The Second one the 8 year old, Jordan Mosley-Stephens, i guess has some talent to be on a tv show twice so that is something. The little girl seemed to enjoy it a bit so i'm not bothered by it.
Then the lady with the boy Shane. Where to start. Cute kid, not a great singing talent. Plus there is only so many times you can watch him practice singing "Hot Hot Hot" before they even go to the competition. Practices dancing (forget the style) with little sis while mom instructs. The kid got bad news. His back up singing girls had to cancel before a competition so he is solo. A 13 year old amature has back up singers? Yeesh. Well the kid competed. The top ten (of twenty) go on... he doesn't make the cut. Not even good enough with a 50/50 shot. I fewlt bad for the kid when he didn't make it he looked to be near tears. He went over to mom and laid his face into her sholder. Not cut out for music. The kid is a good looking young man. He should try out for advertisements for kids clothes. I could see his smiling face advertising teens clothes in a Target ad... not as a singing sensation.
The 13 year old, Jordan Barron, is a bit of a... well it isn't a nice term. Foul additude. Hated the lunch mother packed her for school, complained that the papers he mother printed out were out of order. Wasn't really practicing her monologe. She had a really negative additude.
Now for my fav one. This is so sad it is funny. Duncan Nutter quits his job in Pennsylvania as an accountant and moves his family of i believe 7 kids from a nice big house to a TWO BEDROOM apartment in NYC to try and get his kids into acting. He even tries acting himself... yet he has no talent. And he is the kids acting coach. I think what one of the audition judges summed it up real well when she said somethign to the effect of "It is sad when you have an audition with a kid who doesn't have a lot of talent, yet it is even sadder when they have an acting coach who has no talent" or something like that. The guy was awful and thought he was good.
Over all it is a sad look into the world of parents who believe their little one is super talented needs all this work forced apon them to make them a star. Here is a tip for the parents on the allspark. You may think your kid is the most talented youth around, but that doesn't make it 100% true. Let your kid be a kid and have a normal life without having to memorize a song or script. It could screw up your kids big time..
The second one just reconfirmed some beliefs.
Duncan Nutter is a moron. He has a possible deal in the works to have a show centered around his family. Well at the lunch to go over a possible contract he criticizes the grammer and mispellings and somewhat berates the exec. Smooth move man.
Mrs. Tye is a sore loser that when her daughter doesn't think the judges are qualified at all and the other family doesn't deserve to win.
Jordan Barron turns 14 and is still nasty additude. She get's a card from her father (who mom is divorced from) and later tells the camera that she hopes when she makes it big that he comes asking for money just so she can tell him no.. Yeesh.
Very interesting show to say the least..