Reviews written by registered user
Johnny B

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39 reviews in total 
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Shark Attack 2 (2000) (V)
0 out of 1 people found the following review useful:
Crappy, fake and unoriginal, 28 December 2001
1/10

It says it all. I would add to the title "an unsuccessful remake of the 'Jaws' saga where no one can act and where the sharks look like inflated balloons, literally". It's strange how movies like this tend to get made, and stranger still how people go to see them. This film is 100 percent predictable: shark attacks, shark gets caught, shark eats employee, shark escapes, shark eats some more people, shark gets killed. Ha ha ha.

Good acting and good story, 27 July 2001
7/10

Even though the ending is somehow predictable, this story about two girls who grew up as sisters, are separated and finally meet again is quite well directed and performed. The script is good as well, far better than the majority of the italian-french films of the epoch. It is very enjoyable, though not really a collector's item. However I wouldn't mind to have a copy of it. The parts played by the countess and Marianna are exceptional. If ever you get the chance, watch it!

6 out of 11 people found the following review useful:
Offensive, but with style, 5 July 2001
6/10

Having seen all of Pasolini's medieval trilogy inspired from international literature classics, I cannot but admit that this is his least inspired contribution. I don't know exactly what's wrong with the film - maybe it's the majority of the acting, or else it's the script. Naturally, having read the book beforehand helps to tell which tale is being shown, but assuming that the majority of the viewers have not read Chaucer's masterpiece, I doubt how many managed to guess what the tales are about. Still the movie has Pasolini written all over it: shockingly explicit scenes, watersports, unisex nudity galore (even senseless), sickening graphics of people vomiting and devils shitting monks, sex all over the place etc... Only for Pasolini admirers or for people who like an "uncut" interpretation of ambiguous medieval classics.

4 out of 9 people found the following review useful:
Italian romp in ancient Egypt, 25 August 1999
6/10

Okay, this movie is certainly not one of the best Italian epics of the time. However it certainly isn't either one of the horrible sword and sandal of the "Gli Schiavi piu forti del mondo" reputation. The sets and the costumes are very good, Sophia Loren is exquisite, Alberto Sordi looks bloody stupid. I did not manage to understand exactly what was going on, but still it was great fun watching it. I know there was Cleo who used to spend nights with soldiers and poison them the following morning; then one night she wanted to go and meet Mark Anthony and leaves a look alike back at the palace. A silly officer falls in love with her, mistaking her for Cleo. Cloe comes back from her night-time romp and (naturally) does not recognise the officer who swears will love her to death. Somehow someone attempts to murder the queen, but fails. I think Sordi kills the queen at the end by banging her head to a wall, but it is not clear what happens. He manages to escape with the look-alike. Understood? Anyway, Sophia Loren here is at her sexiest and funniest - she manages to make people laugh without acting silly like Sordi - it is an art in itself. Certainly not a memorable film, but still worth seeing just for kicks.

1 out of 3 people found the following review useful:
They're all around you!, 6 June 1999
8/10

Aha! Now here's a really scary movie. I think I liked everything in this film. The story (based on H. P. Lovecraft's ghoulish novel) is original, terrible, unthinkable and credible at the same time. It makes you wonder how certain ideas get into people's brains! The movie starts off as a sci-fi thriller, but then it develops into a gruesome, disturbing first-rate horror film. The special effects - with monsters flying all about the place, biting off pieces from living persons, are convincing. The acting is just as good: Combs is the typical scientist scared by his invention; Cramption is the classic psychiatrist who will stop at nothing to learn more, (nice body by the way!), Foree gives a light sense of humour in this otherwise tense pic. The viewer is treated with some really nauseating scenes, for example the flies (or whatever they are) eating Foree alive, when IT 'rapes' Crampton and when she bites off Combs' pineal gland. Oh well, if you are looking for a saucy, horrendous film, this one is a winner!

Phantasm (1979)
12 out of 20 people found the following review useful:
What has been going on in the last 90 minutes????, 6 June 1999
1/10

Oh my God! Oh my God! Please someone try to explain to me what sort of crap this is. Everything in this flick shows its ridiculously low budget and its scarce use of art. Here are some of my comments on the so-called "classic tale of terror":

- the story is impossible to follow: you get people getting killed and reappearing again later, unhurt, while others remain alive throughout and then, toward the end, you get a glimpse of their grave. Apart from that you get people being here and there, not understanding how they got there, how they got in etc.

- the main character, Mike, seems to be in a desperate need of a speech therapist;

- no one can really act (except Reggie Bannister)

- nothing really makes sense, except those spicy brain-chewing flying balls

- the Tall Man with his continuous, ever-monotonous "Boy!" is more pathetic than scary

One last note, I did not realise when it was time to start getting frightened - it is all so awfully junky. If you get scared to death by this one, (the motto says "If this doesn't scare you, you're already dead!) you've got serious problems. If this is as scary as you can get, then normal everyday life is a farce!

40 out of 47 people found the following review useful:
Superb adaptation of soapy tale, 7 May 1999
8/10

Although I liked Disney's version of the Snow White tale (and still keep it as the classic example of fairy-tale screen- handling), still I was positively struck with this adaptation. Now here's the version no-one would have dreamed of ever seeing. The all-innocent victimised princess has been turned into a proud little brat who despises her step-mother from the very first time she sees her; the mean, scheming, mirror-gazing step-mother was changed into a lady doing her best to be accepted by her husband's intolerant daughter - only after miscarrying her son does she turn into the stereotype of evil; the adorable seven little dwarfs were metamorphosized into seven miners, some of whom really hate the girl. Best of all the Prince charming has been erased and the silly "Mirror mirror on the wall, who's the fairest of them all?" likewise. Anyway the film is a masterpiece from beginning to end - the highlights being the spells cast by the maddened step-mother. Being a gothic horror movie, it still has some spurts of really dark humour, such as Claudia saying, "Mmmm... Delicious!" when eating the supposedly cooked Lilly; and "I have brought someone to keep you company" (to the crucifix). The on-location shooting is very adequate and the superb performances from everyone make this a movie worth watching and appreciating.

4 out of 6 people found the following review useful:
Great piece of French animation, 8 February 1999
9/10

This is probably one of the best French animated films to date. It surely is the best of all Asterix movies since its story holds more together than any of the others. Its comic parts are many, but they are not ridiculous as many found in the others. On the cover of the book there was this motto: "The Greatest Story Ever Drawn". Surely it says right. Although much of the animation seems to have been inspired by 20th Century Fox's "Cleopatra" (1963), still it is full of originality. There is never a dull moment - it is entertainment from beginning to end.

0 out of 7 people found the following review useful:
Bloody Violent!, 27 December 1998
2/10

What is this? The storyline is somewhat vague. A bunch of men and a woman suddenly find themselves on an island where a group of weirdos pass their time killing people and hanging them about the place or else toasting them alive. Somehow (surprise!) the good ones all get killed except for two men and a woman (who falls in love with one of them!) and they kill all the bad ones. (To be sincere I particularly liked the part where they decapitate a motorist with a string of nylon). Call this entetraining? You're sick. Oh yes! By the way - Altantis is mentioned in the title because they find a relic and think it is altantean - crap. Burn it!

6 out of 8 people found the following review useful:
20th Century Giant, 25 December 1998
10/10

Now here is one of them films which are really suitable for all: I mean regardless of age, gender and religious opinions. This is one of the films which grip you from beginning to end, and in which you are thoroughly absorbed. It is the story of one girl who fought against the world to prove herself true and who finally succeeded, even though it was not of much use to her. Jennifer Jones gives the performance of a lifetime, literally shining in every scene. Her personification of the young French saint is spotless. Surely this is one of her best roles, as the movie is one of the very best. Charles Bickford is great as the dean of Lourdes and Gladys Cooper gives a memorable performance as Sr. Marie Thérèse, not to mention the great Vincent Price as the hateful, yet intelligent Imperial Prosecutor.

The town of Lourdes is taken back to the 1850s in this faithful re-telling of the famous story of the apparitions of the Immaculate Conception way back in the last century. The plot spans a number of years, yet it never lingers. It is just breathtaking. The strong will of the feeble and simple Bernadette is the highlight throughout all of the movie.

I was very much impressed by the character of Sr. Marie Therese. From the beginning to nearly the very end she is a devil in robes of a nun, always finding something new by which to ill treat the poor Bernadette. Her character reflects a lot that of the dean, however she was more blinded by jealousy than him. But, like him, she finally finds the proof she has been always seeking - the secret of suffering in silence - and from then on (that is to say the last 7 minutes of the film) she becomes Bernadette's best friend and helper.

This movie is definitely a winner in all respects and its Oscar awards for … were all vell deserved. A must to all the lovers of good, great stories.


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