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guyb

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116 reviews in total 
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Ice Spiders (2007) (TV)
9 out of 17 people found the following review useful:
Spiders and slush skiing, 24 January 2008
1/10

This was one of the worst horror movies I've ever seen. No Olympic class skiers would ever ski at this resort. There wasn't hardly any snow left. The base of the slopes was just dirt. The blacktop in the parking lot was dry as a bone. The skiers were a joke. Any intermediate weekend skier could beat them. At first I thought the skiers were wearing a back-back, but I realized that was the "spider" special effect. This was not even funny either. "killer tomatoes" was ten times better. The DVD box had a couple of good reviews. I wonder what movie they saw. The good news was that it was only 86 minutes long. I was able to fast forward through it.

6 out of 13 people found the following review useful:
Not scary, 18 December 2004
1/10

This was a very poor serial killer movie. It was very lightweight. It was not scary or disturbing in the slightest. It kind of jumped around a lot and didn't keep you "in the moment." "Manhunter" was a thousand times better than this pulp. There was very little character development to show you what was inside the heads of these killers. The movie should have shown more about why the liked to do this so much. In fact, they were drawn as such cartoons, it was hard to believe this was a true story. Also, the victims were not believable at all. I seriously doubt that whores in downtown LA look like this! This didn't even qualify as a "guilty pleasure." Just pass on by this one.

1 out of 4 people found the following review useful:
Poor Peter Sellers Wannabe, 7 October 2004
1/10

We used to enjoy this guy on his TV show of yesteryear. But his foray into the movies has been pretty pathetic. Johnny English is no exception. It seems that he is trying to remake the great Pink Panther movies. He is really falling short. How could anyone think they could compete with Peter Sellers.

Sellers was one of the brilliant comic geniuses of the century.

In this movie the gags has no punch or followthrough.

In the Pink Panther, once Sellers got you going, he just never let up.

I can recall laughing for a long time. In Johnny English, I just giggled. You can just pass on this flick.

17 out of 32 people found the following review useful:
Sunday School Revisited, 1 September 2004
1/10

We were very excited to finally see this DVD after all the hoopla and Academy Awards. But were were disappointed to be shown a poor comic book rendition of our childhood Sunday school classes. But....with lots of blood and violence and blood. We allowed our 11 year old to see it in spite of the R rating so she might learn something about our USA Christian heritage. Turns our she learned more at her summer horse back riding camp than this movie taught her.

Pretty disappointing. Clearly Mel was pumping his wallet. He was taking advantage of the right wing Christian swing in the Nation that is following Bush.

0 out of 1 people found the following review useful:
master of crap, 15 June 2004
1/10

Didn't anybody read this script before funding it? I'm wondering if the bankrollers just gave Carvey a blank check for just ad-libbing the entire movie. I don't recall him ever being this bad, even on a talk show. These SNL folks just don't have a clue, yet they keep pulling in the big bucks for their flicks after leaving SNL. Must be a lot of dopers out there with ready cash for the movies. Movies like this are the best evidence yet for the long-term effects of dope. Every one of Dana's characters sounded nearly identical to the others; just different clothes and teeth. I think this is also evidence for the huge egos involved not only on the acting side, but also on the production side. The Hollywood producers really must think we're idiots out here in the hinterlands.

1 out of 5 people found the following review useful:
Very negative one-sided view of international adoption, 23 April 2004
1/10

I have been a huge fan of John Sayes for a number of years. I think of him as one of the very best directors. I've managed to track down every single movie he's done. I anxiously await each new one he does every two years. This time I was very angry and disappointed. On the Special Features on the DVD, Sayes tells us how he has spent so much time in South America and really "knows" the people. Yet his political perspective on the international adoption process is extremely one sided and very anti-adoption. Seems like he just met the "Che Guevera" segment of South America (the gringos are stealing our babies). This is a uniquely bad experience for me from all his movies. I always felt that I had a total experience from each one of them; not just one extreme point of view. From a cinematography and acting point of view, the movie was good, but not quite up to Sayes greatness.

2 out of 6 people found the following review useful:
Stifler in an action movie? Give us a break!, 25 March 2004
1/10

I was expecting to really like this movie. It was advertised as the "2nd coming of Arnold Schw.." It got 3 1/2 stars from Ebert. How wrong they were....!!! This movie was a sub-B poor imitation of Romancing the Stone. The guy who played Stifler in American Pie was really miscast. I wanted The Rock to kill him almost immediately to put us all out of our misery. The Rock was good enough as a kind of Kung Fu character, but, to compare him to Arnie or Stallone in their heyday is ludicrous. The action never quite sucked you in nor did the sophomoric comedy. If 5th grade comedy is what your want, look toward Disney who does it much better. The special effects were right out of the 50's; did you see how they tossed around the big GOLD thing like it was cardboard? I love Chris Walken and was looking forward to seeing a great Walken riff in this movie. It never really happened; he just phoned it in.

The Badge (2002)
0 out of 1 people found the following review useful:
Falls apart at the end, 19 March 2004
5/10

I'm a big fan of Billy Bob. I usually like Patricia Arquette too. They do a decent acting job in this flick. The bad guys are pretty bad. The first two thirds are suspenseful and interesting. The premise is original. You really identify with Billy Bob. But at about the beginning of the last third it becomes a mess really rapidly. The script tries to resolve all the issues in about a minute. It's very confusing. Some of the ending is just a cop out. In conclusion, see it if you like Billy Bob. Considering it was "made for TV," it was better than you would expect. I don't recall their either of them has done TV before.

The Missing (2003/I)
3 out of 5 people found the following review useful:
Much better than the trailers, 25 February 2004
7/10

After watching the TV trailers, I didn't think I'd like this movie. It was advertised as a "supernatural western." I didn't think it was THAT supernatural. It was just a good, exciting western. Tommy Lee Jones' performance was toned down. This matched his character. Cate Blanchett played a pioneer doctor. She was very believable and mastered a pioneer American accent. Infinitly superior to the cartoon roles for women you usually see from Hollywood like Sharon Stone's performance in her western (forgot the title; it was pretty bad). The second disk of the DVD was crammed with extras. I only had time to see about half of them. This was not Ron Howard's best movie. But, it was good enough to recommend. I give it 3 starts out of four.

Northfork (2003)
7 out of 13 people found the following review useful:
This movie is a sham, 9 February 2004
1/10

We rented this DVD on the pluses of: - four star review from Ebert - James Woods and several good actors

But the movie was just a poorly made "artsy flick." It had three sub-plots that were poorly weaved together. Each sub-plot didn't make any sense either. Some reviewers have compared this to artsy movies like "Wings of Desire." No comparison in our opinion. We watch a lot of different movies and this one was like some hollywood types ripped off their producers. No content; no depth; waste of talent, etc. We're shocked that James Woods actually was a producer. Boy, he has really fallen in recent years....maybe too much hollywood glitz and golf!


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