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The Tick (2017)
This is not the Tick I know and love.
I feel like DC comics made this version of The Tick. Amazon strayed too far from the origin material for fans. The humor is mostly gone from this COMEDIC setting.
Arthur - Instead of a chubby accountant who dreams of being a superhero this Arthur is portrayed as a borderline mental patient who spends his days and nights obsessing over the death of his father and trying to prove that the super-villain known as the Terror is alive... The Terror, for the small amount of time we see him, is actually well portrayed. The Tick is well he's bad. The costume is crappy looking, no where near the right look, and the character seems far less dense than he should be. One of the endearing things about the Tick was his childlike innocence and constant confusion. His lines aren't bad but there is something out of place about his speech patterns. He looks and sounds less like a hero and more like a guy who talks to streetlamps while wearing tinfoil on his head. Then there is Arthur's suit. Gone is the white spandex and wings that barely let him fly, the new version is a high tech, bullet-proof gizmo suit.
I cringed when I saw that Ben Edlund's name appeared under the writing credits.
To call it a steaming pile of sh!t would be a compliment
I know movies based on video games are normally bad but this one aspires to be bad and fails. Warcraft WISHES it was only Bad instead of the insipid pile of dung that was flung on the screen. Some people say they want their money back, others say they want their 2 hours back... this 'movie' makes me regret ever playing the game since my monthly subscription probably contributed to this offense against film-making and story-telling in some way. Save yourself, avoid seeing this travesty of celluloid... and if you must see it for some reason (abduction with a gun at your head for instance) drink heavily in the hope of blacking out before the opening credits. In the words of the Critic - IT SUCKS
Some of you may remember back in the 90s there was a show called Mystery Science Theater 3000 (MST3k) where the crew of the Satellite of Love riffed on bad movies. As the seasons passed they started getting letters from film students offering to intentionally make bad movies for the crew to review since being made fun of on the show would actually boost their chances of making it in Hollywood. I get the impression that the people behind Sharknado were hoping to attract the attention of the MST3k crew who have moved on to doing Rifftrax. It's the only explanation that makes sense. This movie is so badly written, acted, directed, with such immensely bad not-so-special effects that it has to be on purpose.
King of the Nerds (2013)
A decent premise ruined by reality show-ism
The show is nothing special, i mean we have shows about cooks, shows about hunters, shows about people who buy storage buildings, shows about truck drivers, so a show about who is the "best" nerd is nothing special. The problem with the show is two-fold. First and foremost as they recognize there are many types of nerds yet the goal of the show is to sit atop the "Throne of Games", a twist on the popular "Game of Thrones" which is a much better show to watch than this one, but I digress. The show tries to cover a lot of types of nerds as as such most contestants are at a disadvantage most of the time since the challenges cover a diverse range of skills. On a cooking show you might be asked to make desserts one week and Italian food the next but you still use the same tools and the same skills. Creating a cos-play costume is NOTHING like piloting a drone, winning at chess, or answering obscure trivia. The second problem is how the winner is actually chosen. The whole concept is to focus on nerds, people who are perceived as social misfits, the kids never chosen for sports or to be prom queen, yet in the end the winners chosen BY A POPULARITY CONTEST! Epic Fail.
Total Recall (2012)
I liked the old version even though it was nothing like the Phillip K. Dick short story. The new version has even less in common with the Dick original. That said I spent most of the movie wondering who allowed the screenplay to be used. So many face-palm moments including (spoiler alert):
Based on the distance traveled and time taken the "fall" train does a good 45000 mph. WOW that's Mach 60 and yet when people open emergency hatches and climb out later they are not instantly shredded by friction. (yes there was an emergency slowdown in effect but even shedding 90% of the speed would have still been deadly)
why would a projection need a bullet proof vest?
why would robot need the push buttons on its own arm to activate software?
what happened to the gravity reversal warning? and why did the 0-gee period last 10x longer ?
Who refers to deactivated robots as being in stasis?
who programs robot soldiers to be sadistic by squeezing an injured shoulder? For that matter who programs a robot to fight like a human boxer?
how did the Lori get a holographic mask of Melina with full audio on such short notice during an invasion in hostile territory?
Six writers (some of whom have done much better work) spoiled this soup.
An amazing idea that is ruined pretty quickly
The opening sequence was the best part of the film, the idea is that on a barren world capable of sustaining life, one of these "engineers" sacrifices himself to start the evolutionary process.
BUT the question that keeps popping up in the movie is "Why"?
Why would it be necessary to do so, I mean they have interstellar travel capability, why not just mix up some "evolutionary soup" and drop it in the ocean, why sacrifice someone?
If the planet was supposed to be earth then why did we evolve into a genetically identical species after 3 billion years?
Even if it wasn't Earth, then why would they visit us several times and leave us a map of how to find them, when the map only points us to an outpost world where they park ships?
Why were the engineers fleeing through their ship into a room full of hyper-evolutionary bio-juice? What was chasing them and what happened to it?
Why does the last of these engineers, asleep for 2000 years, want to kill everyone the moment he wakes up? Why would he want to wipe out our world? I know I can be grumpy when I wake but that's a bit extreme.
Some thoughts occurred to me that maybe these bio-warfare engineers were not the same as those seen in the beginning sequence, but that would mean more than one species of genetically identical sentient beings arose on different worlds in roughly the same time frame which would take us into whole new realms of improbability. If they were the same engineers as those in the beginning and that was Earth, then they haven't evolved much at all in 3 billion years. Too many questions, no where near enough answers.
And that's not even going into the ridiculousness of the crew and the Prometheus.
Between archaeologists who poke everything and contaminate locations that have been sealed for 20 centuries, space suits with GLASS bubble helmets, hyper advanced auto-docs that can't handle the difference between male and female anatomy, reanimating alien heads that have been dead for 2000 years, frail old men who survive hibernation which we see makes healthy people weak and sick, and scientists who don't know the difference between carbon dioxide (CO2, not deadly at 3% purity) and carbon monoxide (CO, deadly at 1.2% purity)
I have to say the movie fails on almost all levels of sense-making.
I gave it 5 stars because of two things, the opening and the beautiful imagery of the film.
Snow White and the Huntsman (2012)
Pretty good film with only a couple of problems
I took my fiancée to see this movie at her request and honestly I wasn't expecting much, even though I had heard many good reviews of the film. Overall I liked the movie, the writing was a nice call back to the darkness of the original Grimm tales and for the most part the acting was good. Most of it, not all. Our evil Queen and our heroic Huntsman were well cast and excellently played, the queen's brother did a good job and the dwarfs likable. The thing that ruined this film for me was Stewart as our heroine. The girl really needs to learn how to emote, she had her "deer in the headlights" look on through 90% of the film only breaking it on a few rare moments and not the ones you might expect. Other than the dismal performance by Stewart, the only other complaint was the excessive use of "shaky-cam". Like the Hunger Games this film uses that method of filming far too much. It gave me a headache after a while.
more like Flail
I came to the party late on this movie, I just watched it via netflix and I was disappointed by several things. First of all the hero "Nick" is pretty much a twit. He's unlikable and lazy (seriously, you've had 10 YEARS to practice and you can't even control a couple half ounce DICE?). Second, the flip-flopping on the premise that "watchers", most have trouble seeing more than a day ahead and every change they make alters the future they see, yet Cassie's mother could see years ahead and plan for every eventuality seems a bit overdone. And finally, the hit and miss psi power buffet, they covered a lot of "common" psi powers but failed to show other abilities. There were no telepaths (Listeners?) no clairvoyants (Seers?), no teleporters (Jumpers... okay I know, bad joke). I felt that the writers decided they wanted to do "Ocean's 11 with psychic teens" and just tossed anything that didn't fit the plot exactly. Maybe in a few years someone will remake it or turn it into a TV series and do a better job with the story.
Your Highness (2011)
Really great movie if you are too young to drive...
I took in this movie and I have to say that while there were some decent laughs here and there, for the most part it was face-palm humor and the "dear lord, thats terrible" sight gags and jokes. The plot was lame, no surprise, this is a "stupid" comedy but it had all the standard knights vs evil wizard plot line with the lesser brother resenting his popular older brother and learning to be a hero along the way (sort of). My biggest complaint wasn't the juvenile humor but the juvenile dialogue. The lines sounded like the script was handed to a half dozen 14 year-old's with instructions to "make it sound cooler" by adding gratuitous profanity, genitalia references and excrement jokes. The whole thing is a mish-mash of toilet humor and Beavis and Butthead grade plot lines. To quote "The Critic" ... "It Stinks!"
Dead Space (2008)
Dull as dishwater
I've played a lot of RPG, action and shooter games and Dead Space left be bored out of my skull. In most games when you play a character who is left alone to fix the problem you have some option, choices to make that will affect the outcome of the game, choices that matter. Not so in Dead Space, in fact your character has zero options and doesn't even speak. In Dead Space you are not a hero, you are mongo, the idiot who gets sent out to all the grunt work. I admit I didn't finish the game, I stumped around for the first four chapters out of twelve, following the dotted line, literally there is a guide device that pulls you by the nose through each step of the missions. Your job is to go through the damaged ship and push a button here, pull a lever there and generally put yourself in the line of fire do do things any chimpanzee could do. You have no skills, you have no choices, you have no free will at all, you may well be playing an automated drone. The graphics are nice and some of the game play is interesting but the monotony of the game is a huge stumbling block for me.