- [first lines]
- Narrator: Well, the Kirward Derby has really been an on-again, off-again proposition. The latest "on" was when Rocky said...
- Rocket J. Squirrel: Put it on, Bullwinkle. Maybe you can tell us what time we'll arrive in Washington.
- [Bullwinkle puts on the Kirward Derby]
- Bullwinkle J. Moose: Easy. We'll figure the circumference of the standard wheel disc, times the rate of speed, computed sigma times the inverse square of the logarithm of the cosine and tangent.
- Rocket J. Squirrel: Sure we will...
- Narrator: And the latest "off" was when Boris hurled a boomerang which neatly lifted the derby from Bullwinkle's dome, and began to return it to the villain.
- Narrator: Well, just as Bullwinkle predicted, their freight train rolled into Washington at 7:32-and-a-half, and our boys dashed into town to deliver the Kirward Derby to a responsible government agency. Unfortunately, by now it was 7:40 PM.
- Government Guard: Go away, we're closed for the day.
- Rocket J. Squirrel: But this is important!
- Government Guard: What is?
- Bullwinkle J. Moose: What we got in this hatbox is!
- Government Guard: Lemme ask you, will it explode before 10 AM?
- Rocket J. Squirrel: No, but...
- Government Guard: Will it melt?
- Rocket J. Squirrel: No.
- Government Guard: Will it go flat?
- Rocket J. Squirrel: No, but - !
- Government Guard: Then come back in the morning!
- Rocket J. Squirrel: Will somebody see us?
- Government Guard: I don't know, but I'll be off-duty then.
- [Boris, in disguise, finds Rocky and Bullwinkle lying in an alley]
- Boris Badenov: Say! I don't want to be a Nosy Parkoff, but aren't you Rocky and Bullwinkle?
- Rocket J. Squirrel: That's right, who are you?
- Boris Badenov: Allow me to introducing myself: Hailfellow J. Backslap, official Washington greeter.
- [Boris poses as Hailfellow J. Backslap, official Washington greeter, and gives Rocky and Bullwinkle an enthusiastic, cartwheeling welcome]
- Rocket J. Squirrel: Say! That's a pretty good greeting, all right.
- Bullwinkle J. Moose: Sounds like his welcome is waggin'.
- [recapping the events of the previous installment]
- Narrator: And as if that weren't enough, they were flimflammed by Boris Badenov, who pretended to be an official greeter.
- Boris Badenov: [singing and aping guitar-playing] Hello, hello, my friends, hello! With my guitar I sing to you...
- Rocket J. Squirrel: You don't have a guitar!
- Boris Badenov: I don't have an entertainment license, either.
- Bullwinkle J. Moose: It's okay. That wasn't entertainment.
- Narrator: And Boris had taken them to the Little White House, which happened to be neither little, nor particularly white.
- Boris Badenov: But it is a house, and inside is the President!
- Rocket J. Squirrel: The President!
- Bullwinkle J. Moose: Oh, boy!
- Narrator: Yes, the President... of the "Let's Liquidate Rocky and Bullwinkle Club".
- Rocket J. Squirrel: Gee, we can give *him* the Kirward Derby!
- Bullwinkle J. Moose: I don't know if it'll fit over all that hair.
- [from the "Peabody's Improbable History" segment, "Bonnie Prince Charlie"]
- [Peabody spies British soldiers approaching the beach where he and Sherman had taken the Bonnie Prince Charlie]
- Mr. Peabody: [narrating] I knew we had to hide Charlie, and hide him fast.
- Sherman: But he's too tall to hide!
- Mr. Peabody: Then we'll cut him down to size! Do you dig?
- Sherman: You bet I dig, Big Daddy! Like, I'm hip!
- Mr. Peabody: No, no, no! I mean "dig" as in excavation.