Some life advice... To David Nordquist.
Do not, under any circumstances, quit your day job.
Frankly I hope everyone in this... Adventure... Got paid really well for their time. And yet, on the flip side I can't people got paid to make this. (Pay your workers and your writers, people - this is more of a question of who would spend their money to have this made, ok.)
So yeah, the acting is bad. But it's not bad SOLELY for its lack of quality, its wooden application, but it is triple-time bad because it WANTS to be good, and then thinks that it IS good because it wants so badly to be... Good.
It fails on all of this.
Every snippet of dialogue, of which I can't call it dialogue, because 90% of the spoken words in this is, at best, an exposition bomb, or at worst a dreamy soliloquy. If the dream were the kind where you're in class in just your underwear, except the underwear is also made of shrimp tails. That kind of dreamy.
Anyway, all the... Spoken words here are also set up in a way that rides a line between "the audience has no idea who these specific characters are," and "the audience also won't know what an orc is. Impossibly it straddles a third way of also assuming the viewer has every understanding of what's going on, and so this is just an episode recap. Except the only episode that's relevant is the one you forced upon you as you watch a full grown adult speaks to a child about other full grown adults while relaying the others' FULL name AND rank in their organisation. "Yes sweety pumpkin, I know you're barely able to talk, but let me tell you ALLLL about LIEUTENANT Bad-rip-off Snooker. Except I won't, because all I'm going to do is drop his name and title, and toodle-loo!"
At one point our angst-ridden... Protagonist (I hesitate to call him a "hero") picks a fruit off the ground, throws it into the air, doesn't totally awkwardly remove a bow from his back, draw, aim, shoot... And presumably then pins the fruit to a tree. It's here that he takes a knife and starts tapping at the tree his arrow is stuck in.
Why is he tapping a tree with a knife? To recover his arrow? You just pull those out.
To reacquire the fruit? Did he want to eat it but get too caught in the moment and now regrets skewering the food he ALREADY had in hand?
The truth will never be known because for the next, I kid you not, 7 and a half MINUTES he is intermittently shown tapping the bark, while badly relaying that he has a kid who's been taken (spoiler, whoops) but at the end of the bad montage he whacks the arrow (out of the tree) in a fit of frustration.
And that is the height of the writing and acting.
1 out of 1 found this helpful.
Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink
