Camp Hideaway Massacre is the kind of cheap, gory, pointless trash that makes me smile. It starts with a topless woman running, bouncing through a field. That's it as we get text that says Two Months Earlier. We are introduced to a group of foul-mouthed metalhead friends. The soundtrack throughout is mostly decent extreme metal tracks. It turns out one of the friends is a machete-wielding killer. A random couple is briefly introduced before getting offed by him including a really fake and goofy looking but exuberantly bloody decapitation. This film is a bit like Don't Go in the Woods as people are introduced randomly with little character development just to get gorily killed off. That film is an all time slasher classic so I'm glad to see that format utilized here.
The people bumped off here are lured in by the promise of renting a stinky tent in the woods for $10. A mother and daughter are duped into this irresistible offer and are brutally murdered with the daughter's death being especially bloody. There's lots of scenes of the friends sitting around, smoking the devil's parsley and talking about nothing of note. A third couplet of people rents the smelly tent and the girl is quickly killed. The man has a gun though and threatens to use it, this is for wimps though so he takes on the dude with a machete bare-handed. Another of the friends shows up and gives him a well deserved gunshot to the head with his own handgun. More insipid dialogue. We then get a bit of a change as one of the other dudes procures the machete to gruesomely hack off the head of a guy he had a minor disagreement with. The gore effects aren't great here but bloody and frequent enough to add significant value to the film.
Tina Krause is looking for her friends asking people about town and handing out flyers. Another couple is introduced, being possible sapphists but this is never confirmed as they just talk about absolute nonsense like they are completely braindead and there's no carpet-munching or anything. The one girl is kind of cute in a Claire Boucher kind of way. They complain a lot about the stench of the tent but end up in it anyways. Is hiring a tent for $10 in a clearing really that appealing and that great of a deal? They both get slaughtered with the machete and there's some nice gushing wounds on display. Tina Krause shows up to her hotel room and proves that despite approaching 50 when this film was made she still isn't shy. She has a shower scene lasting about 3 minutes including full frontal. She still looks good but her brother Brian should probably have a talk with her about getting some self respect in her advanced age. Two women are standing by a camp fire and get messily killed by a machete and gun. I'm not sure if they paid the $10 for the odiferous tent or not. Tina now rents the noxious tent and is smoking mooster as she gets attacked by the machete dude. He doesn't kill her yet but manages to pull her shirt off. It turns out she's the girl from the beginning! We are treated to even more footage of her almost 5 decade old mammaries bouncing about and it's not unenjoyable.
Tina is caught at night and tied to a tree with barbed wire. They put a jacket on her but make sure to expose her breasts a little. She delivers some truly awful dialogue while tied up. Not that any of the other dialogue in this film is worthwhile outside of comedic value. We now found out that the friends have been killing people to feed to a demon. What you thought was a simple stupid slasher is now an idiotic demonic horror/thriller! Tina is murdered with lingering shots of blood pouring across her ample bosom. It's day now and we get some more poor and hard to hear dialogue from the three friends. A pregnant mother and her hot, young daughter have now rented the pungent tent. They wisely sit outside of it in chairs. The guys show up and the mother is gunned down. The daughter bounces away and being possible jailbait leaves her shirt on. Her throat is slashed with the machete. It's night now and the mother or possibly another pregnant woman is attacked by the demon. It's just a guy in a mask but still pretty cool looking. In a very graphic scene sure to make abortionists either hard or wet as it rips the fetus out of her still alive and screaming. The machete killer screams "no!" as blood splatters on his face. Fade to black as the still alive newborn cries.
Camp Hideaway Massacre is recommended for people with no taste, no life, no dreams and no future. The Hideaway title is a just a rancid tent in a clearing not very deep in the woods. The plot is almost non-existent. The dialogue is risible and often hard to make out. The acting is as bad as you expect with even Tina Krause being awful. If you just want mindless gore, stupid people dying and middle aged but still quality nudity this is highly recommended. It at least delivers more bloodshed than a majority of slashers now and I found it a lot of trashy fun. Alpha Video has released it on DVD and as with many of their releases you run the risk of it crapping out on you, fortunately mine only did that during the end credits. Most others will wish it happened after the first five minutes but for a select few this will prove a fun, mindless, rotgut classic.
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