Something Crashed in the Woods (2019) User Reviews

Death by a 1000 words

[mosespike-57765 · 1/10 · 8 June 2019]

This is the absolute worst "found footage" "alien encounter" movie that I have ever subjected myself too. Jeff, my message to you is stop it..all of it..writing, directing and above all acting. You super suck at all of it equally.

This show has no plot, no creature, no space ship or worthy dialogue. What it does have is incoherent rambling and over verbiage.

There is no part of this "film" that is note worthy.

Don't bother

[m-wraight-193-476659 · 1/10 · 19 August 2019]

Most boring film I have ever seen. Nothing happens and he repeats the same lines 50 times over. The film could literally be cut down to 5 mins, you wouldn't miss anything and still get bored.

How the hell could this guy think he was doing something constructive?

[contactmaz · 1/10 · 22 July 2019]

It was pure trash. I suggest that to save yourself watching a whole load of utter BS, fast forward to the last 5 minutes and just watch a bit of BS instead. I did that to see what the baddies looked like. Very surprised, I was!

Seriously people, a whole load of drivel that is even worse than treading in pig poo... without shoes!

Garbage!

[artifice69 · 1/10 · 15 July 2019]

You may find yourself asking this question throughout the entire film. How many times is this guy going to repeat himself?

A terrible movie that never should have been made

[manismunweller · 1/10 · 5 August 2019]

This movie was sooooo bad. It's just some goofball walking around repeating the same phrases over and over and over. All he talks about is "the road, the piece of land & how it's in the middle of nowhere." It really shows that there was only one person involved in the production of this movie because if any other person had seen this before it was released they wouldn't have let it get out. There was one good moment when I thought the guy was going to get set on fire, but I was disappointed in that too. None of this is to say anything bad about Jeff Profitt personally. Just that this movie is god awful. I would rate it no stars if I could. Really...just terrible.

A painful watch on every level.

[sventempest · 1/10 · 26 October 2019]

Extraordinarily boring, repetitive, pointless noise and lights signifying nothing. A vanity project perhaps, but a waste of your time for certain. I can't even recommend this as a drinking game for repeated phrases, even drunk this would be boring. Do not watch. Ever.

Dissapointing

[harounboutamani · 3/10 · 23 July 2019]

This movie was dissapointing on many levels.

I wouldn't recommend it to anybody unless you are the inquisitive type amd you would watch anything.

Worse than pineapple on pizza. This guy was going for the worst rating on rotten tomatoes...change my mind

[zuckertraz · 1/10 · 6 June 2019]

So this guy buys some property in BFE and after scouting the entirety of said property discovers a few trees that have been struck by lightning but assumes some supernatural force must have stripped the bark from the trees and scorched them as well. This takes an hour of the movie. Then comes back at night to catch the bandits doing damage to his trees only to discover 3 strange lights sitting in his trees then he trips after hearing something growl, drops the camera and the screen gets fuzzy and the movie is over. Don't get me started on the broke down truck on side of road that has absolutely nothing to do with the film.

All of these reviews are more entertaining than this movie

[esslo · 1/10 · 26 December 2019]

This was completely terrible. I slogged it out for 41 minutes before fast-forwarding and I think I deserve a freaking medal. Jeff Profitt, PLEASE find a new hobby and stop talking.

P.S. When submitting this review, I was asked if it contained spoilers. The answer is a big fat no. There is nothing to spoil...LITERALLY nothing happens.

Are you serious?

[jeanxgrey · 1/10 · 20 November 2019]

OK, this must be some kind of joke as this doesn't even qualify to be a movie. I love films with minimal cast very much, but simply this something fails on every level. Thumbs up for the effort, but this is below awful.

Stop... just stop

[hurocy-79390 · 1/10 · 9 June 2021]

Hope you got your money back for that camera because you obviously suck at this venture. Sitting through this flop actually made me miss battlefield earth for a change.

The celery of no budget movies.

[schester-46181 · 1/10 · 6 July 2020]

I would love to find something, no matter how minor, to say good about this effort, but the best I can come up with is the camera has decent quality and isn't distracting. Otherwise there is nothing, as the creator spends the time rephrasing the same few sentiments in an apparent effort to fill time to reach a magical number of 75 minutes in length. If you REALLY want to see for yourself, I suggest watching the first 5 minutes, and then from about 20 minutes to 30 minutes, and you will have already seen the first 50 minutes of the film, some more than once, as everything is a rephrase of the contents of these 15 minutes. Then jump to the 55 minute mark to view the last 20 minutes and see for yourself there is nothing to this film. Then feel bad you wasted over 1/2 an hour because you didn't heed everyone's advice to skip this film.

Film Death!

[lwilcox07 · 1/10 · 10 February 2020]

Basically this film is a WTF is that for an hour and fifteen minutes, I knew there were going to be problems when I saw written directed and starring the same guy, nothing in this film makes sense from the scorched trees and the actor asking can we see that, to the actor not getting the hell out of the area when the lights show up and the growling starts, instead he just says WTF is that over and over until he's killed or taken. Sorry for the spoilers but some films are so bad they don't deserve that consideration.

Waste of 15 minutes of my time

[rackyroo · 1/10 · 20 September 2019]

Yep, only 15 minutes because I just kept FF from scene to scene. As others have stated, it's nothing but a guy scouting out his new property. He kept stopping periodically, only to do nothing but repeat to himself "what is this @#*%". Why he stays by a broken down car off the side of the road and wonders to himself "why is this here in the middle of nowhere", as if cars only break down and/or are abandoned in the city, IDK!

Oh look, there are some scorched trees. Since, in his world, that is completely abnormal, he decides to come back to investigate them at night. Makes no sense-like the entire movie.

Finally, there appears to possibly be some action in the final 6 minutes. Got my hopes up, shower, as all that happens is the same "what is this #*%" repeating while staring at 3 then more lights that appears out of nowhere "with engine or motor sound" (is there a difference between the two- he seems to imply there may be?). Uh oh,, now we hear an animal like sound and the video (I dare not raise it up to call it a movie) is over, giving no glimpse or clue as to what it was, or if anything happens to the guy.

Dull, dull and duller

[playrball · 1/10 · 29 June 2021]

Just finished this watching this movie, and it was the most boring movie that I've ever seen - if I could give it zero stars I would. Over an hour of Jeff stomping around the forest and repeating the same dialogue over and over again. The last half hour or so was the most excruciating for me, watching him stomp around the forest agan (this time at night) while dropping the f-word at every turn. To say that this movie was a step back in the "found footage" genre is a major understatement.