- Cmdr. Kelly Grayson: Lieutenant, have you ever studied the history of money?
- Lt. John LaMarr: No, not really. I know people used to use it to buy houses and sandwiches and stuff.
- Cmdr. Kelly Grayson: Exactly. It became obsolete with the invention of matter synthesis. Predominant currency became reputation.
- Lt. John LaMarr: Yeah, so?
- Cmdr. Kelly Grayson: My point it: human ambition didn't vanish. The only thing that changed is how we quantify wealth. People still want to be rich, only now being rich means being the best at what you do.
- Lt. John LaMarr: Not everybody wants that. Some people like to keep it simple. Some people like to go to work, go home, drink a beer and pass out.
- Cmdr. Kelly Grayson: Are you one of those people?
- Lt. John LaMarr: I am very fond of drinking beer and passing out, yes.
- Captain Horbalak: What do you want?
- Capt. Ed Mercer: Your course is about to take your directly into the path of a spatial anomaly we discovered. We recommend you change your heading immediately.
- Captain Horbalak: Ga'rov ka'lougah!
- [phonetic spelling]
- Capt. Ed Mercer: Anybody speak Horbalak?
- Isaac: Thee direct translation is: "You can shove it up your - "
- Capt. Ed Mercer: Okay, got it, got it.
- Isaac: Do you wish to hear the rest of the translation?
- Capt. Ed Mercer: No, no, I-I get the gist. Listen - what's your name?
- [to the Horbalak captain]
- Captain Horbalak: Blavvahrahg.
- [phonetic spelling]
- Lt. Gordon Malloy: God that generation has so many Blavvahrahgs.
- [phonetic spelling]
- Dr. Claire Finn: Two-dimensional life forms? How is that possible?
- Capt. Ed Mercer: Is there any way we can communicate with them?
- Isaac: Negative. Our modes of existence are incompatible.
- Capt. Ed Mercer: Then get every bit of scanning data you can. Union physicists will be writing papers about this for decades.
- Cmdr. Kelly Grayson: Well, if we can't talk to them, at least we can watch.
- Lt. Gordon Malloy: Wait, so, does that mean that there could be fourth- or fifth-dimensional people watching us right now?
- Isaac: It is possible.
- Lt. Gordon Malloy: But do you think... I mean, they wouldn't, like... watch us all the time, right?
- Isaac: I do not know.
- Lt. Gordon Malloy: I mean, do you think, like, could they see under a blanket, or... in the s-sleeve of a down coat?
- Capt. Ed Mercer: Gordon, I don't know what you're driving at, but I'm gonna go ahead and change the subject.
- Isaac: Lieutenant, if I may make an observation: you seem ill-fitted to perform your assigned duties.
- Lt. John LaMarr: Yeah, that's what I tried to tell Commander Grayson.
- Isaac: Then why did she place you in command?
- Lt. John LaMarr: She says it's 'cause I'm smart.
- Isaac: I would be happy to inform her that you are not.
- Capt. Ed Mercer: What the hell just happened?
- Lt. Gordon Malloy: I have no idea. Maybe we hit a squirrel or something.
- Isaac: There is no evidence of any sciuromorpha rodentia, or other mid-sized rodent.
- Lt. John LaMarr: I think we could create a stable quantum bubble inside the shuttle and preserve three dimensional space.
- Dr. Claire Finn: So the outside would be squashed but the inside wouldn't.
- Capt. Ed Mercer: More space inside then out. Like Dr. Who's phone booth.
- Cmdr. Kelly Grayson: Or Oscar the Grouch's can.
- Lt. John LaMarr: Or Snoopy's dog house. Yeah.
- Isaac: We are currently analyzing the scans of the quantum wake.
- Cmdr. Kelly Grayson: And there's no explanation for the dead plants?
- Lt. John LaMarr: We're cross-referencing the bioscans of the plants with what we know about the anomaly, which, right now, isn't much.
- Capt. Ed Mercer: They've been watered, right? Like, do we have a... a plant guy?
- Cmdr. Kelly Grayson: Palovis. He's the lizard-looking guy in the science section.
- Capt. Ed Mercer: Is that his name? God, I can never remember that guy's name. I-I see him coming in the hall, and he's always like "Hey, good morning, Captain", and I'm always like "Hey, there he is."
- Yaphit: I think I lost a piece.
- Dr. Claire Finn: Uh, excuse me?
- Yaphit: I feel like I'm missing a piece, and I can't for the life of me figure out where i lost it.
- Dr. Claire Finn: Well, okay. Hop up on the table, let's have a look.
- [scanning him]
- Dr. Claire Finn: I'm not quite sure how to ask this, but when your species loses a piece of tissue, is it conscious?
- Yaphit: Kind of. I have a dim sense of a dark, wet place. I-I just can't get any more specific than that.
- Lt. John LaMarr: Look, Yaphit, I-I'm really sorry about what happened earlier. You know, we were just messing around. You know, it was a joke.
- Yaphit: A joke? I spent an hour in Bortus' colon! You think that's funny?
- [Ty and Marcus laugh]
- Yaphit: Oh, yeah, laugh it up, you brats.
- Marcus Finn: We got out of school early because of the bumps. You want to go to the simulator and play some Space Dragons?
- Isaac: I am currently occupied.
- Ty Finn: What are you doing?
- Isaac: I am preparing to run a scan on the section of the Orville that came into contact with the anomaly.
- Marcus Finn: Can we help?
- Isaac: No. You are small and feeble. And you do not possess the necessary intelligence.
- Lt. John LaMarr: Wow. Why don't you just give 'em wedgies and stuff 'em in a locker while you're at it?
- Capt. Ed Mercer: Yaphit, what are you doing here?
- Yaphit: I have a grievance.
- Capt. Ed Mercer: How'd you get into my office?
- Yaphit: I'm gel.
- Yaphit: I want to know why you guys put John in charge of the science team instead of me.
- Capt. Ed Mercer: Commander Grayson and I both feel that Lieutenant LaMarr deserves to be in the running for chief engineer.
- Yaphit: What? You gotta be kidding me. What the hell has that son of a bitch ever done to deserve...
- Capt. Ed Mercer: No final decisions have been made, and I am aware that you're next in line for the job, but we have our reasons for considering him.
- Yaphit: It's 'cause I'm gelatinous, isn't it? You guys can't handle the thought of a gelatinous person in charge of a department.
- Capt. Ed Mercer: Yaphit, that's not it.
- Yaphit: This is so racist, man. You're so friggin' racist.
- Capt. Ed Mercer: I am not. I have several gelatinous friends.
- Yaphit: This is a bunch of crap, man. This is total crap. Permission to return to duty.
- Capt. Ed Mercer: Granted.
- Yaphit: [stopping at the door] You know what? There was less crap in Bortus' colon.
- Isaac: Lieutenant LaMarr's quantum bubble has allowed us to maintain a stable third dimension outside of two-dimensional space.
- Lt. Alara Kitan: What are all those energy pulses?
- Isaac: I have no experience processing this kind of data, but I believe we may be looking at a two-dimensional civilization.
- Dr. Claire Finn: Bortus. What can I do for you?
- Lt. Cmdr. Bortus: I am experiencing digestive discomfort.
- Dr. Claire Finn: With your iron stomach? Okay. Have a seat.
- [scanning him]
- Dr. Claire Finn: Um, Yaphit?
- Yaphit: Yeah?
- Dr. Claire Finn: I think I found your piece.
- Yaphit: Wh... what do you mean?
- Dr. Claire Finn: Inside Bortus' digestive tract.
- Yaphit: What? What the hell, man? You friggin' ate me?
- Lt. Cmdr. Bortus: I did not eat you.
- Yaphit: Well, what the hell am I doing inside you, you bastard?