- Clark: Check it! Guess who raided the freebie closet? Ooh, Jack, you got nothing on this.
- Jack: Clark, you look like Harry Potter if he had a short film at Sundance. No, wait. "Where's Waldo?" after a three day bender with Kiefer Sutherland.
- Clark: [dryly] Ha ha ha.
- Jack: You look like the worst pimp at the South Pole. You look like Super Mario if he was at a rave in Ibiza.
- Clark: Ha ha, so... so many accurate burns.
- Jack: It's time the indoor kids met more of Roland's generation. People that fought in battles that weren't lip-sync based. This club is full of real men.
- Roland: And one or two token women. There was a lawsuit in the '80s.
- Clark: This is gonna be so great!
- Jack: And they'll be so excited to meet Liberace's snowboard instructor.
- Mather: You're embarrassing yourself, Jack. You're defending a liar.
- Jack: Roland didn't lie. He was defending his friend's honor. Which is what I thought this club was about. You know, I used to brag about your generation's greatness. But even though these kids I work with are physically weak, lazy, immature, easily distracted, pale...
- Brooke: Jack.
- Jack: You broke my train of thought. I need to start over. Physically weak, pale...
- Brooke: Jack!
- Jack: Whatever. I would take their earnestness and loyalty over your pettiness any day of the week, Mather.