When you see a film listed on certain sites that looks... well, as dodgy as the site, you usually come onto IMDB to check it out in order to make sure you're not wasting your time.
In this instance, I'm glad that I did - just to see the shill reviews! :D (nice try guys).
You need to be wary of films that are dead on 67 minutes, as 67 minutes is the statutory time that a film needs to be in order to be a 'feature'.
Bang on 67 minutes usually means that it has been stretched out in order to hit that target.
No surprise, after reading the shill reviews (who all magically offer 10's) and seeing the dodgy looking thumbnails, as well as the terrible-looking photography - I popped it on for a laugh - I mean, for a film that is supposedly made for 30,000... What could go wrong.
Wellllllll.... from the off, you are beaten over the head with every horror cliche' known to man and you know you're in trouble. From the stolen Harry Potter font introduction to the terribly CGI'd lightning, enter this film at your own peril, that is the true horror here.
The introduction seems like the end, and if it is, it went on too long - I didn't last long enough to see - but basically an overly directed actress screams her way through a few lines whilst some kid crawls on the floor saying, "No mother" (bad overdub)...
From there, I'm not sure what happens - he gets locked in a closet and the next few shots are so terribly captured, I felt sick. This isn't what the director is going for, and as you read this director, mark my words, if you're going for an unintentionally funny film (The Room), you missed, if you're going for a genuine horror - do yourself a favour and immediately retire; you'll live a life of frustration and failure.
Viewers - this really isn't worth your hard-earned time and is on another level of incompetence; I can dig lo-fi horror if it follows the basic rules of filmmaking.
But this looks like the smatterings of a guy who just picked up a camera one day and said: "I have an idea..."
What a waste of 30,000. I wish I had 30,000 to remake this and show the director how it is done. In fact, scrap that, I wouldn't remake this, I wouldn't even give this a second thought - I'd take the 30,000 and make a whole film on the cast/production team on what they were thinking.
It would make a great horror in itself.
