The Magicians (TV Series)
Hotel Spa Potions (2017)
Hale Appleman: Eliot Waugh
Photos
Quotes
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Eliot Waugh : Boys, the shit.
[Guards drop bags a fertilizer]
Farmer : Um, Sire, I do not wish to appear ungrateful...
Eliot Waugh : You're just going to have to trust your king on this one. Come on, lads. Many a farm to grace with our royal dung.
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Eliot Waugh : Your High King has agricultural tales to tell. I give you the reign of King Shit.
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Fen : There hasn't been a truly inspiring, caring ruler since Rupert Chatwin, and that was so long ago, most barely remember.
Eliot Waugh : Look, I'm cleaning the place up. I'm trying to get some decent wine going. What else is there?
Fen : The people are starving.
Eliot Waugh : Seriously?
[Fen nods]
Eliot Waugh : Oh, okay. We should probably get on that. And I'm guessing magic probably won't do the trick?
Fen : Magic is the problem.
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Eliot Waugh : Fen? I have a secret. It's fairly difficult for me to confess. And it brings me nothing but waves of aching nausea, but... I grew up on a farm.
Fen : That's your secret?
Eliot Waugh : I spent years blocking it all out. The smell of wet hay. And the feel of an udder.The taste of fresh goat milk.
[Retches]
Eliot Waugh : And the worst humans in the known universe: my family. It's coming back and if it all comes back, I'm pretty sure I'll know exactly what to do.
Fen : That's wonderful.
Eliot Waugh : [sighs] On a planet with no Zoloft.
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Eliot Waugh : We just do what we do in bed, and they do what they do. I only picked people already doing each other. And we get to watch.
[Fen is hesitant]
Eliot Waugh : You guys are all cool with this, right?
[They all nod in agreement]
Fen : You're their king. They will do as you wish, no matter how...
Eliot Waugh : Fun.
Fen : Debased.
Eliot Waugh : [chuckles] Debased? Honey-love, I've been doing this shit since I was 12, except on a computer.