The Orville (TV Series)
Old Wounds (2017)
Scott Grimes: Lt. Gordon Malloy
Photos
Quotes
-
John LaMarr : Hey, what's up?
Gordon Malloy : Hey, man, come on in.
John LaMarr : Figured I'd introduce myself since we're gonna be working full shifts together.
Gordon Malloy : Translation, you want to make sure I'm not a jerk.
John LaMarr : Something like that.
Gordon Malloy : Dude, I'm such a jerk, it's ridiculous.
John LaMarr : Okay, well so am I, so this is gonna work out great.
-
Ed Mercer : You knew what Arbor Day was, right?
Kelly Grayson : I mean, actually, I had to think a second. Kind of confusing.
Ed Mercer : Nobody knows what Arbor Day is.
Bortus : No.
Alara Kitan : No.
Dr. Aronov : I knew.
Ed Mercer : Well, what would you have said?
Kelly Grayson : I would have said... "You got wood."
Gordon Malloy : [the crew laughs] Yeah. Yes.
Ed Mercer : Yeah, that is better, isn't it?
-
Gordon Malloy : So, how many ships in the fleet these days?
Ed Mercer : About 3,000, spread over the whole quadrant. Which, when you think about the size of the galaxy, is actually not...
[seeing Gordon taking a swig of something]
Ed Mercer : What is that? Is that a beer?
Gordon Malloy : Yeah.
Ed Mercer : You're drinking a beer?
Gordon Malloy : Yeah, I'm nervous. You know, it's a new ship, want to make a good impression.
Ed Mercer : It's 9:15 in the morning.
-
Ed Mercer : [seeing the Orville] Is that it? It's not bad, right?
Gordon Malloy : No, it's good. You paint some flames on the side, maybe, like, a rainbow unicorn, you got something.
-
John LaMarr : So, I heard you've been out of commission for a minute.
Gordon Malloy : Well, not out of commission, but, uh, definitely kept on desk duty.
John LaMarr : Well, what'd you do? I mean, your piloting skills are kind of legendary. How'd you get suspended?
Gordon Malloy : I let my cousin shoot a porno in the back of a shuttle in exchange for some pills.
John LaMarr : W-wait. No. R-really?
Gordon Malloy : [laughs] Man, look at your face. No, no, no. I did a... I did a manual override on a tricky shuttle docking and sheared off a cargo bay door. Yeah, nobody was hurt, but 300 crates of authentic autumn squash were sucked into space.
John LaMarr : Well, that's a lot of damn squash.
Gordon Malloy : Yeah. I was trying to impress a girl.
-
Gordon Malloy : I've never been to the Epsilon Science Station. What's it like?
Bortus : Epsilon 2 is an outpost devoted exclusively to scientific inquiry.
Ed Mercer : Researchers from all over the galaxy petition to work there.
Gordon Malloy : Really? Wow. Any good bars?
Bortus : I will investigate.
Ed Mercer : No, Bortus, you don't have to investigate that.
Bortus : I have already obtained the information.
Ed Mercer : Oh.
Bortus : Shall I withhold it?
Ed Mercer : No, you can tell us.
Bortus : There are no bars.
Gordon Malloy : How about strip clubs?
Ed Mercer : Gordon.
Gordon Malloy : Sorry.
Bortus : There are no strip clubs.
-
Gordon Malloy : Whoa. Hey.
Kelly Grayson : Hi, there.
Gordon Malloy : I was just on my way to the john.
Kelly Grayson : Well, I'm... I'm glad I bumped into you. Do you have a second?
Gordon Malloy : Sure. I can hold it.
-
Isaac : [the Orville is under attack] Deflectors at half power.
Gordon Malloy : Sir, I think I can buy us some time 'till we can get the landing party back. Let me wing it here?
Bortus : Proceed.
Gordon Malloy : This is something I call "hugging the donkey".
John LaMarr : You can hug the donkey?
Gordon Malloy : Dude, I've been hugging the donkey since flight school.
-
Ed Mercer : All right, Lieutenant Alara Kitan, our chief of security.
Alara Kitan : Yes, sir.
Ed Mercer : You're Xelayan, right?
Alara Kitan : I am, sir.
Gordon Malloy : Wait. Don't you guys have, like, super strength?
Alara Kitan : Xelaya's gravitational pull is high compared to the planetary average, so, yes, in Earth normal gravity, my physical strength is elevated.
Ed Mercer : Lieutenant, how old are you?
Alara Kitan : 23.
Ed Mercer : You're 23, and you're chief of security on a starship?
Alara Kitan : Xelayans don't usually join the military, so when one of us does, the Union generally fast-tracks us.
Ed Mercer : Well, I'm... I'm sure they know what they're doing.
-
Isaac : The captain does not appear to be pleased at the arrival of his first officer. Why is this?
Gordon Malloy : 'Cause she's a total bitch.
Alara Kitan : Do you know her?
Gordon Malloy : Oh, yeah. They were married.
Alara Kitan : No way.
Gordon Malloy : She cheated on him.
John LaMarr : Aw, damn, that's cold.
Gordon Malloy : Yeah, so this should be a really fun trip for all of us.
Isaac : Your description of the occurrence indicates unpleasantness, yet you believe it will be fun.
Gordon Malloy : I was being sarcastic. It's gonna suck.
Isaac : Suck?
Gordon Malloy : Yeah, suck. You know, like, ass, balls.
Alara Kitan : What he means is if you don't already drink, you should probably start.
-
Ed Mercer : Dr. Aronov, this is Captain Ed Mercer. We're about to start sending down your supplies.
Dr. Aronov : Actually, Captain, we... we don't need any supplies.
Ed Mercer : I... I don't understand. You requested these supplies yourself, yeah?
Dr. Aronov : I did. I'm sorry. I... I wouldn't have lied unless I had to. Please, come down to the surface. I will explain everything.
Kelly Grayson : [the transmission ends] This is really strange.
Ed Mercer : Yeah, it's a great way to start things off. Bortus, you have the conn. Lieutenant, you're with us.
John LaMarr : [Ed, Kelly, and Alara leave] Did you see that dog in the background licking his balls?
Gordon Malloy : First thing I saw.
-
Ed Mercer : All right, Commander, you win. We'll send you the device by remote shuttle. When you receive it, we'll transmit the activation code.
Krill Captain : Do not take long.
Ed Mercer : We won't.
Gordon Malloy : [about Kelly] Maybe she's not such a bitch.
-
Ed Mercer : All right, Commander. You have it.
Krill Captain : Excellent. Now, give me the activation code.
Ed Mercer : The code is six, alpha, nine, three, seven, alpha, three, zero, zero. Happy Arbor Day.
[when the device is activated, the Krill ship is destroyed by a growing redwood]
Gordon Malloy : Wait. What's Arbor Day?
Ed Mercer : It's the holiday where you plant the trees.
John LaMarr : I wouldn't have gotten that.
Gordon Malloy : Oh, yeah. No, I didn't get that, either.
-
Bortus : Well done, Lieutenant.
Gordon Malloy : Sir, since I pulled that off, can I please wear shorts to work?
Bortus : I've already said no.