- [Agent Bozzio at the police precinct tells Clive she hates tea]
- Dale Bozzio: I hate tea. Burnt water with plants in it. Some dick took the last K-cup.
- Dale Bozzio: [Bozzio smiles when she sees that it was Clive who's sipping away at the K-cup] I'd throw this on your lap if I wasn't going to use it later.
- [erotica-librarian-brain Liv asks Clive a question about men]
- Olivia Moore: Men are always so phallocentric, Clive. Why is that?
- Clive Babineaux: [Clive turns away] Just are.
- [Ravi and Liv tell Clive about the Grace LeGare homicide]
- Ravi Chakrabarti: [about Grace LeGare] So they send her to us. And she might've been categorized a 'respiratory failure' due to 'unknown'. But...
- Olivia Moore: But Ravi figured it out, and he's super desperate for an attaboy.
- Clive Babineaux: [Clive hesitates] Attaboy.
- [Ravi tells Clive about the poison hemlock]
- Clive Babineaux: What do we know about hemlock?
- Ravi Chakrabarti: Well, I believe it was Socrates who said of hemlock, 'I drank what?'
- [Liv and Clive listen to Grace LeGare's pre-release copy of her audiobook]
- Kristen Bell: [Liv and Clive share headphones] 'The Upright Position,' as read by Kristen Bell.
- Olivia Moore: I've always felt a kind of connection to her.
- Kristen Bell: [the audio sample continues] He tore off my scarf, a savage beast in heat. 'You've been a bad little bitch, haven't you?' My breasts heaved against the cool, molded plastic of the airplane's instruments. He pressed his maleness against me. 'Sonja,' he growled, husky with passion. 'I'm gonna show you why they call it a cockpit.'
- [Liv on erotica-librarian-brain slaps Ravi in the butt at work]
- Olivia Moore: I've been a bad morgue attendant. I'll understand if there are punitive measures.
- Ravi Chakrabarti: Liv, did you eat a librarian from a porno?
- [Ravi tells erotica-librarian-brain Liv to think about baseball]
- Olivia Moore: She wrote erotica, I can barely keep it in my pants.
- Ravi Chakrabarti: Then you think about something sacred, like your mum. Or something gross, like Margaret Thatcher. What do American boys think about?
- Olivia Moore: Baseball, I guess?
- Ravi Chakrabarti: [Ravi rocks his head up and down] Then think about baseball.
- [erotica-librarian-brain Liv tells Peyton about Drake]
- Olivia Moore: He's got these thick biceps that stretch the cottony limits of his T-shirt.
- Peyton Charles: Hmm.
- Olivia Moore: He's got a scar on his face that speaks of sin. This is a man who knows when to take a woman by the back of her neck and...
- Peyton Charles: Oh!
- Olivia Moore: Sorry. I'm on horny-librarian-slash-erotica-novelist brain.
- [Liv asks Major and Ravi if they've ever wrestled]
- Olivia Moore: Have you guys ever wrestled? Stripped down, oiled up, seen who winds up on top?
- Major Lilywhite: [both guys hesitate] Have we?
- Ravi Chakrabarti: Strangely enough, no.
- Major Lilywhite: [Major looks back to Liv] Night's young.
- [Liv makes out with Drake on the table]
- Olivia Moore: Wait! I'm taking advantage of you.
- Drake Holloway: I don't think that's true.
- Olivia Moore: [Drake continues kissing Liv] Wait. I roofied you with horny-librarian brain.
- Drake Holloway: That's a first.
- [Blaine sits in the interrogation room at the police precinct wearing handcuffs]
- Blaine DeBeers: I'm chafing a little here. I suppose it's too much to ask for the fuzzy ones?
- [Ravi watches erotica-brain Liv leave the morgue]
- Ravi Chakrabarti: Go forth and direct your lust elsewhere.
- [Agent Bozzio tries to get the computer app for the GPS dog tracker to work]
- Dale Bozzio: Ugh. Why is the little dot not coming up?
- Clive Babineaux: You gotta tap reload to make it...
- Dale Bozzio: Did you hear that?
- Clive Babineaux: What?
- Dale Bozzio: It sounded like a man who's never used this app in his life trying to mansplain.
- [Andy LeGare explains his motive for killing his wife]
- Andy LeGare: I'm going to be in this chair for the rest of my life. You know what gets me through my days? Knowing that people look at me and they see a hero. You know what I was going to be once that book came out? The guy who couldn't give it to his wife, so she fantasizes about doing it with everybody else. Threesomes. French guys. Ex-cons.
- Olivia Moore: She didn't cheat on you. They weren't her stories.
- Andy LeGare: No one's gonna believe that. I begged her not to publish. She didn't care. My wife didn't care.
- [Drake is asked a question by the man carrying a machete]
- Ink: Do you know who I am?
- Drake Holloway: [Drake looks at Ink's open jacket] A big Danny Trejo fan?
- [Drake approaches erotica-librarian-brain Liv]
- Drake Holloway: I would've called you but I don't have your number.
- Olivia Moore: Babe...
- Olivia Moore: [Drake squints] Ruth.
- [Liv sees Drake while she's on the erotica-brain]
- Drake Holloway: Liv.
- Olivia Moore: [Liv takes a deep breath] God help me.
- [Agent Bozzio and Clive come up with a plan to track John Deaux]
- Dale Bozzio: So we use FBI resources. Get the mother of all databases on it.
- Clive Babineaux: And then we bust this S.O.B.
- Dale Bozzio: And then victory sex.
- [Liv tells Major and Ravi that Clive really fills out his fitted shirts]
- Olivia Moore: He really fills out those fitted shirts, huh?
- [both Major and Ravi nod up and down while eating]
- [Major says goodbye to Minor before leaving him on a public bus]
- Major Lilywhite: [Major pets Minor on the bus] You're going to be famous, buddy.
- Major Lilywhite: [Minor's nose whistles] Yeah! You know that? Huh? Everyone's looking for you. Yeah, I know. This time tomorrow, you'll have a great home, maybe a couple of kids. I'm sorry, buddy. I'm gonna miss you.
- [Major kisses Minor on the head]
- [erotica-librarian-brain Liv tells Drake that this is the brain making out with him]
- Olivia Moore: She hadn't gotten laid in years. This really isn't me.
- Drake Holloway: This isn't, uh, far from me. Really, I would've been willing pre-brain. Pre-zombie. Pretty much anywhere after my 12th birthday.
- [Liv tells Drake they can still have sex after the erotica-brain wears off]
- Olivia Moore: Here's the plan. If we're still interested when this brain wears off a bit, we can pick up where we left off. But right now, we can't do this.
- Drake Holloway: [Drake clears his throat] Story of my life. Zombie date sends me away until horny-brain wears off.
- [as Drake kisses Liv's forehead]
- [Peyton asks Blaine about his haircut]
- Peyton Charles: [Peyton starts combing Blaine's hair] So, this hair...
- Blaine DeBeers: Mm-hmm?
- Peyton Charles: How much product do you got working in here?
- Blaine DeBeers: It's just a dollop of pomade and I'm out the door.
- [Peyton makes out with Blaine on the couch]
- Peyton Charles: [Peyton stares at Blaine] I think you put some serious time into this look.
- Blaine DeBeers: Well, we can't all look like we were created in a lab by 14 year-old boys, can we?
- [as Blaine continues kissing Peyton]
- [Agent Bozzio reveals Blaine's true identity to Clive]
- Clive Babineaux: [Clive holds up a mug shot of Blaine] Blaine. We found him.
- Dale Bozzio: Gets crazier. DeBeers is an alias, too. It's a moniker he picked up from some high schoolers he sold beer and pot to with a real winner, Julien DeWeed. As in 'Blaine's got da beers, Julien's got da weed.'
- [Peyton stops Clive from interrogating Blaine]
- Blaine DeBeers: [to Peyton] You look good on a white horse.
- [Ravi finds Major in the kitchen after arriving home]
- Ravi Chakrabarti: Hey. Good night of making rich white people less fat?
- Major Lilywhite: Yeah. It's God's work what I do.
- [Liv hugs Peyton after the two realize that Peyton slept with Blaine]
- Peyton Charles: I should, uh, head home and take a Silkwood shower.
- [last lines]
- Peyton Charles: [before leaving Liv's home, Peyton tells Liv with tears down her eyes] You know, you sleep with someone, you think you know them. But they could be anybody. Good night.
- Drake Holloway: [as Liv walks into her bedroom, seeing Drake in bed] Everything okay?
- [Peyton pre-orders the erotica Grace LeGare book online]
- Peyton Charles: Hey, I'm pre-ordering this book. You're not the only one in a dry spell.
- [Liv tells Drake that she'd like to get to know him more]
- Drake Holloway: So, here's the thing... if I can't deal with Blaine anymore, you think I could, um... get brains from you? From here?
- Olivia Moore: I don't really know you.
- Drake Holloway: Oh. No, I totally get it. I'll make the Blaine situation work.
- Olivia Moore: But I'd like to know you.
- Drake Holloway: [Drake chuckles] Yeah? Just say when.
- [Major and Ravi dig in the open field when Major continues to find buried license plates]
- Major Lilywhite: Why do people bury license plates? Do they think cars are going to grow out of the ground? All this digging in a field, and still no tainted Utopium, but I have license plates from 30 states.
- [Peyton and Blaine share accents with how drunk whiskey makes them]
- Peyton Charles: [Peyton in a southern accent] I don't know what it is, but it makes me drunk southern. Uh-huh.
- Blaine DeBeers: [Blaine in a southern accent] Mmm-hmm. What about champagne?
- Blaine DeBeers: [Blaine in a French accent] Do you go French? Ooh! What about tequila?
- Peyton Charles: Oh, God, no. You do not want to know what happens to me when I drink tequila.
- Blaine DeBeers: I'm pretty sure I do.
- Peyton Charles: No. No.
- Blaine DeBeers: Yes. As for me...
- Blaine DeBeers: [Blaine in a Cockney accent] I go drunk Cockney, I do. Oh! A cuppa mudder's ruin, luv, an it's all 'Varder those bonnie lallies.' Etcetera, etcetera.
- [first lines]
- Grace LeGare: [a man walks into a school library] Can I help you?
- Kyle: I just need to use the computers.
- Grace LeGare: Do you need the Wi-Fi password?