- [first lines]
- Gortimer Gibbon: [narrating] Galileo, Marie Curie, Edison - we would be in the proverbial dark if these amazing thinkers hadn't challenged themselves to think bigger, to think brighter. It's the kind of thinking that landed a human being on the moon - but overthinking can land you in a wagon covered in bubble wrap.
- Gortimer Gibbon: Where was Marie Antoinette born?
- Mel Fuller: France.
- Gortimer Gibbon: [holding up a file card] Uh, it says here "Austria".
- Mel Fuller: Of course she was. Hand me the, uh, the-the thing - the inky, writey tool?
- Stanley Zielinski: You mean a pen?
- Mel Fuller: Pen?
- Stanley Zielinski: [to Ranger] This is a pen, right?
- [Ranger nods]
- Stanley Zielinski: Okay, good. I thought I was calling it something wrong all these years.
- Gortimer Gibbon: Mel, are you okay?
- Mel Fuller: I don't know why I couldn't remember what a pen was called.
- Ranger Bowen: [sighs] I do. I worried the day would come.
- Ranger Bowen: [filling a mug to the brim with water] This is Mel's brain...
- Ranger Bowen: [picking up a large marble] And this is Marie Antoinette.
- Stanley Zielinski: Wait, what was the cup again?
- Ranger Bowen: Mel's brain and this is Marie Antoinette.
- [Ranger drops the marble into the mug, splashing water all over the table]
- Ranger Bowen: [indicating the spilled water] And this is the word, "Pen".
- Gortimer Gibbon: So that means?
- Ranger Bowen: Mel's brain is full.
- [shock registers on Gortimer's face when he reads his lines in the script]
- Ranger Bowen: What? What is it?
- [Ranger reads the script, discovering that Gortimer's character must kiss Abigail's]
- Ranger Bowen: Oh. A kiss, huh? Well, it's probably easier than sword-fighting - just not as much fun.
- Stanley Zielinski: Listen, if there's any possibility that you could like this girl in the future, you should avoid this kiss at all costs.
- Gortimer Gibbon: Why?
- Stanley Zielinski: Like Ranger said, it's not for real. If you kiss her, Abigail will never see you as anything but, well, a scene partner... and I think you both know I speak from complete inexperience.
- [Gortimer and Ranger wheel Mel to the test site in a little red wagon]
- Proctor: The test is about to start. No wagons in the test room.
- Ranger Bowen: It's a service wagon.
- Mel Fuller: Tell me what's going on.
- Gortimer Gibbon: Are you crazy? What about the test?
- Mel Fuller: You said it's the priority here, but that's not true. *You* are my priority. You've been trying to tell me something and I've been ignoring you.
- Gortimer Gibbon: It can wait.
- Mel Fuller: No. It can't. Not anymore.
- Gortimer Gibbon: But your brain - it could explode!
- Mel Fuller: I'll risk it.
- [Mel's mind spins as she processes Gortimer's concerns about kissing Abigail in a drama class scene]
- Mel Fuller: Whoa! That was intense.
- Gortimer Gibbon: When was the Monroe Doctrine signed?
- Mel Fuller: No idea.
- Ranger Bowen: What is this?
- Mel Fuller: A pen.
- Ranger Bowen: She's back!