- [a montage of Rick's made-up catchphrases]
- Rick: Wubba-lubba-dub-dub!
- Rick: Rikki-Tikki-Tavi, biatch!
- Rick: And that's the waaaaay the news goes!
- Rick: Hit the sack, Jack!
- Rick: Uh-oh, somersault jump!
- Rick: AIDS!
- Rick: And that's why I always say, "shum-shum-schlippety-dop!"
- Rick: Grassssss... tastes bad!
- Rick: No jumpin' in the sewer!
- Rick: Burger time!
- Rick: Rubber baby bubby bunkers!
- Rick: Lick, lick, lick my balls! Ha ha ha, yeah! Say that all the time!
- Morty: We all remember you as a friend.
- Rick: Oh, really? Well, I remember you as a whiny little piece of shit, Morty.
- Morty: Oh, yeah?
- Rick: Yeah! I've got about a thousand memories of your dumb little ass and about six of them are pleasant. The rest is annoying garbage. So why don't you do us both a favor and pull the trigger? Do it! Do it, motherfucker! Pull the fucking trigger!
- Rick: We've got to keep an eye out for any zany wacky characters that pop up.
- Mr. Poopybutthole: Ooo, wee, Rick. Whatever you want, we're here to help.
- Rick: Thanks, Mr. Poopybutthole. I always could count on you.
- Rick: Get off the high road Summer. We all got pink eye because you won't stop texting on the toilet.
- Pencilvester: [begging] Rick, I'm Pencilvester! Listen to that name! You can't kill me!
- Rick: [crying] You're right.
- [turns to Morty]
- Rick: Kill Pencilvester.
- Morty: [shoots Pencilvester in the face]
- Rick: You guys, we gotta hurry! I just got back from Wal-Mart, they're selling Nintendo 3DS systems for one forty-nine ninety nine on sale! Plus, every time you buy one you get a fifty dollar gift card, brings the total price down to a hundred and ten dollars after tax! Now listen! We can flip those sons of bitches for two hundred and thirty bucks a piece easy! They're all limited edition Zelda ones! Hurry! Hurry, come with me! We can be rich and we also all get to keep one and we can play... Nintendo games! Nintendo, give me free stuff!
- Summer: All I have are pictures are of me and my friends from school. What? What teenage girl has pictures of her family? It's not like we're Mormon or dying.
- Mr. Beauregard: Ah, Master Rick, remember when you weren't going to shoot me?
- Rick: [shoots Mr. Beauregard in the face] I guess Iiii did the butler! Hahaaa! Does that, does that scan?
- Ghost in a Jar: Oh, I-I get it. It's a play on "the butler did it".
- Rick: Thanks Ghost in a Jar. You always were good at pointing out potentially obscure comedy.
- [shoots Ghost in a Jar]
- Cousin Nicky: Hey, we got a word for Nazis back in Brooklyn, pal.
- Nazi: I'm comfortable being called a Nazi. You think there's some other word that will hurt my feelings?