- Schmidt takes the fall to help Fawn out of a political scandal. Meanwhile, Jess declares herself a "love doctor" and Coach faces a life-changing decision with May.
- In the loft, Winston, Jess, Nick and Schmidt keep their distance from the dining room table because Jess is sure Coach and May are breaking up.
When May leaves, Coach announces everything is fine, but they broke up. May is moving to New York to be a session musician.
At the bar, Schmidt says he and Fawn -- Faw-midt (sound likes vomit) -- are weathering her "pantygate" storm. Cece is disappointed things are going well.
At school in the middle of teaching a sex ed class about the distance between egg and sperm, Coach goes off on a distance tangent about an egg moving to New York to go play music with other sperm. He leaves the room in tears.
At Fawn's press conference, she gives Schmidt a statement to read. He doesn't look at it until he reaches the podium. In it, he takes full responsibility for her lack of underwear, saying he's a sick man and asked her not to wear underwear because it turns him on.
At the loft, Nick and Winston think Coach is fine and just needs to be distracted, but Jess argues he's destroyed. The Roger Rabbit he busts out when he emerges from his room seems to contradict her love expert intuition. Coach mentions that May is coming by to get something for her cello, but he doesn't want to be there.
After the press conference, Fawn apologizes to Schmidt but says he saved her. She asks him for one more photo op of the two of them then promises some alone time.
At the loft, Cece comes by and announces to Jess that she's taking a three week trip to climb Mount Shasta to find herself. She's tired of watching Schmidt with Fawn. May comes by to get her cello piece, and says she's fine about the break-up. She declines Jess' offer to talk but then comes back in tears for a hug.
At the bar, Coach downs shots and prepares to jam when Alana Miles "Black Velvet" comes on the jukebox.
May sobs to Jess and Cece and wonders if she should ask Coach to move to New York with her. Jess thinks Coach might do it.
At the bar, Coach is draped in ladies, including one in leopard print leggings and a white body suit who looks "smart" to Winston. (she does not look smart.) A tiny girl in a backpack attaches herself to Coach's face right when May walks in. Then she walks out.
Later, Coach is shellshocked and Jess decides she has no idea what she's talking about. She encourages Cece to go climb her mountain.
At their photo op, Fawn and Schmidt shop for underwear and she gives him direction. She tells him to throw a fit and storm out, then after he goes to rehab tomorrow they'll announce they're getting married and ride the momentum all the way to the mayor's office.
Schmidt finally decides he's had enough and says he doesn't even know her. He says he wants to be in love, not in politics. He says they're not really in love, they just look great together buying underpants.
He realizes he's breaking up with her. She takes it well, then asks if she's lost his vote. "Never," he says. Then he throws the underpants fit she was looking for and leaves.
At the bar, Jess promises Coach to never get involved in his love life again. "You can just troll for basic bitches at the juice bar and I will say nothing," she promises.
Then Coach says he loves May. He wonders if he could really move to New York with her. Nick asks Coach to picture the woman by his side 40 or 50 years from now, Coach decides that's May.
He goes to see her in her rehearsal and tells her his vision of their shared oldness. She asks him to move to New York with her. Well, Jersey City. He agrees.
Watching from the sound booth, Jess and Nick celebrate the win. Jess asks Nick who he sees himself next to in 40 years. "Winston, mostly," Nick says.
Later at the loft, no one has the energy to pretend they're upset Schmidt broke up with Fawn. They sit around eating pizza as Coach soaks up the last of their time together.
Contribute to this page
Suggest an edit or add missing content