Mike & Molly (TV Series)
Checkpoint Joyce (2015)
Swoosie Kurtz: Joyce Flynn
Photos
Quotes
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Vince : I hope you're happy, you've torn this family apart!
Mike Biggs : She didn't co-operate! All you had to do was answer the question 'Did you drink tonight?'!
Victoria Flynn : Well, that's a pretty loaded question cause you know, she was probably loaded.
Joyce Flynn : I was not!
Vince : That's not perjury, she's not under oath.
Joyce Flynn : How come everybody's assuming I was tanked?
Molly Flynn : Come on, mom, it was after six.
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Joyce Flynn : If I'm gonna live clean, you're all gonna live clean!
[stomps on a bag of chips]
Mike Biggs : Hey, those are my chips!
Molly Flynn : You said Victoria bought them.
Mike Biggs : Are we doing this now?
Molly Flynn : [Joyce is pouring beers down the drain] Mom, those are mine!
Joyce Flynn : And your credit cards are next.
Molly Flynn : Mike, go get your taser!
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Mike Biggs : [after making up] Does this mean I can have my kitchen privileges back?
Joyce Flynn : Yes. Mostly because I need you to fix the sink, Molly's credit cards did a number on the disposal.
Mike Biggs : [laughs, then serious] But it did shred them, right?
Joyce Flynn : Oh yeah.
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Kevin : [Joyce is singing along to Slow Ride on the jukebox] We get it lady, you're drunk. Keep it down.
Joyce Flynn : Excuse me, I'm not drunk. This is club soda.
Kevin : So you're just loud and obnoxious?
Joyce Flynn : [Proudly] Yes!
Kevin : Clam up, lady!
Mike Biggs : Hey, watch yourself, now that's my mother in law you're talking to. I suggest you stand over there if we're bothering you so much.
Kevin : I got a better idea. Why don't you and I step outside?
Mike Biggs : Listen, nobody's looking for trouble tonight, so...
Joyce Flynn : BAR FIGHT!
[knees Kevin in crotch and flattens him with a tray]
Kevin : [chaos erupts with Joyce on Kevin and other patrons fighting each other] My ears! My eyes! No biting!
Joyce Flynn : See? This just proves you don't have to drink to have fun!
