- Sherlock Holmes: Thank you. You've been most helpful. You're free to resume your life of tedium and petty deception.
- Joan Watson: [Referring to dinner with Andrew and his father] It was *totally* a meet the parents thing!
- Sherlock Holmes: There really is no version of meeting someone's parents that doesn't involve actually meeting their parents.
- Joan Watson: [Perturbed at Sherlock, noticing for the first time a paintbrush strapped to the pet turtle, Clyde] What are you up to? Why are you making Clyde paint?
- Sherlock Holmes: I'm not forcing him to do anything. He enjoys it.
- Sherlock Holmes: [after interrupting a board meeting whose members are all murder suspects] Apologies for the interruption, but cold logic dictates that one of you is likely a killer.
- Sherlock Holmes: [Referring to a local Salvadoran restaurant] According to the Long Island reviews, the cuisine is thoroughly authentic, although the ambience can be ruined by the appearance of the occasional rat.
- Sherlock Holmes: [to the board members after realizing he is mistaken] My apologies. On second thoughts, it's distinctly possible that there is *no* killer in this room.
- [as he and Joan are being escorted out]
- Sherlock Holmes: One of you, however, does like to be spanked. Carry on.