- King Richard: This is a long time coming, brother! A duel to the death! And now, like every great king to come before us, we shall choose a champion to fight in our stead while we watch from a safe distance while sloppily eating oversized turkey legs.
- Isabella: I don't want to marry my cousin! I mean, the age difference is so weird! Plus he's... my cousin.
- Queen of Valencia: Straight up, Isabella. Our family tree goes straight up, no branches!
- Isabella: Can you explain to me why you're fighting for the man who's imprisoned us?
- Galavant: You heard the king. If I win, he frees us, and Galavant doesn't lose a duel.
- King of Valencia: Ooooh! Third-person alert.
- Madalena: Prisoners, I've called you up here to catch up my brother-in-law slash future-husband.
- King Richard: You know I can hear you, right?
- Madalena: So that's the King and Queen of Valencia. Their daughter, she annoys me. Uh, that's my ex...
- Galavant: I am Galavant, and so help me God, I will...
- Kingsley: Shut up, pretty boy.
- Madalena: My former boy-toy slash jester, he was cuter pre-dungeon. And not sure who the black kid is.
- Sid: Wow.
- [Madalena prepares to lead Galavant off to a duel when she turns to Isabella]
- Madalena: You should come too. Then I can watch you watch him die. Oh look at that, I just made it fun for me again.
- Gwynne: These royal games have been going on for centuries, Chef. And they always end badly for the downstairs people. You go on being adorable, selling your rat-bits, pretending everything's okay. I'm gonna make my peace with God, pray for a quick death and a proper burial.
- Chef: You have a very bleak view of the world, Gwendolyn.
- Gwynne: I've had a pretty bleak life, Chef.