- Daddy's Boy: [singing] Daddy's boy / I'm just a silly little daddy's boy
- Daddy: [singing] Daddy's boy / He's got a daddy that he brings such joy
- Daddy's Boy: [singing] My daddy's tall and sweet / Like a candy cane
- Daddy: [singing] And when we walk down the street / We refuse to explain
- Daddy's Boy: [singing] How a daddy's boy
- Daddy: [singing] And a daddy's boy's daddy
- Daddy's Daddy: [singing] And a daddy's boy's daddy's daddy
- Daddy's Boy, Daddy, Daddy's Daddy: [singing] Could love each other so...
- Robert Osborne: And that's how the 1938 musical train wreck "Daddy's Boy" ends, mid-song, as the crew refused to continue working on the production. Coming up next, an encore presentation of "Daddy's Boy." No! We had a deal!
- Titus Andromedon: How's your little love triangle going?
- Kimmy Schmidt: Nope. Next topic.
- Titus Andromedon: How dare you? For the last three months it's been "What's the Internet? Who's that guy? What's Tilda Swinton?" And I have told you: "Tubes, the president, and no one knows." And now you have something juicy happening...
- Kimmy Schmidt: Look, this is not fun for me. I mean, Logan got into a *fight* with Dong - because Dong likes me?
- Titus Andromedon: Enjoy the attention, woman. The last time I had two men fighting over me, I was a table at a Fire Island arm wrestling match.
- Xanthippe Voorhees: This is BS.
- Helene: The only BS around here is butternut squash, one of the dozens of varieties of squash I grow. I hope ya like squash. Also, tomorrow we're playing squash. Against the Squashes.
- Logan Beekman: Oh, don't you look lovely.
- Kimmy Schmidt: [hugging him] Aw! You also don't look lovely.
- Logan Beekman: I'm just not used to obstacles. When I summited Mount Everest, I did it in my daddy's private blimp. To be honest, I've never even seen the inside of a public blimp.
- Xanthippe Voorhees: You bitch.
- Kimmy Schmidt: A female dog? The thing that makes puppies? Nice compliment, Xan.
- Kimmy Schmidt: Stay! Logan is out of the triangle. It's now just a regular biangle.
- Dong Nguyen: You mean a line? We need to work on your geometry, Kimmy.
- Kimmy Schmidt: That's right. We do.
- [they kiss]
- Muscular Man: You have no potential. Get out.
- [He brushes Titus off and turns and moves to sit in an over-stuffed chair]
- Titus Andromedon: [Aghast] But I rode a bus to get here!
- [pauses]
- Titus Andromedon: A bus that went over a drawbridge!
- [pauses again]
- Titus Andromedon: [Titus advances on the man] Fine, I don't need you!
- [pauses and stares angrily at the man and then turns abruptly and begins walking quickly away, intentionally knocking over a lamp that stands nearby as he does so]
- Titus Andromedon: Bye Felicia!
- Professor Rick: Honestly, Titus, I was just like you. I was always getting typecast as the funny gay guy who works at the police station...
- Titus Andromedon: That's not even a thing.
- Professor Rick: ...or the sassy best friend who makes up words.
- Titus Andromedon: Like "snowbesity." It's when you don't know if someone's fat or not 'cause they're wearing a winter coat.
- Helene: Xanthippe, you look tired. How are your BMs?
- Xanthippe Voorhees: Mom, jeez.
- Helene: Well, there's my answer.