5.6/10
413
10 user 12 critic

The Night Watchmen (2017)

Three inept night watchmen, aided by a young rookie and a fearless tabloid journalist, fight an epic battle for their lives against a horde of hungry vampires.

Director:

Writers:

(story by), (story by) | 4 more credits »
Reviews
2 wins & 2 nominations. See more awards »
Learn more

People who liked this also liked... 

Short
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 8.6/10 X  

Nigel Uno recently joined the Galactic Kids Next Door, and because they believe Earth to be too infested with adults, they order him to destroy the planet. Chad, Numbuh 274, pleads with ... See full summary »

Director: Tom Warburton
Stars: Christian Baranda, Ben Diskin, Jennifer Hale
Don't Kill It (2016)
Action | Fantasy | Horror
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 5.1/10 X  

An ancient demon terrorizes a tiny Mississippi town.

Director: Mike Mendez
Stars: Dolph Lundgren, Kristina Klebe, Elissa Dowling
Horror
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 4.5/10 X  

Two paranormal investigators are unexpectedly thrown together in the hope of solving a 100 year mystery. Locked for three nights in a house with a dark and unsettling past, the two ... See full summary »

Director: David Ryan Keith
Stars: Michael Koltes, Paul Flannery, Steve Weston
Pokemon: The Legend of Thunder (TV Mini-Series 2001)
Animation | Action | Adventure
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 7.1/10 X  

On his Pokémon Journey, Jimmy meets his old friend, Marina, at a Pokémon Center. The two of them, later teaming up with Vincent, discover and attempt to foil an attempt by Hun and Attila to steal Raikou.

Stars: Susumu Chiba, Kelly Davis, Toshikazu Fukawa
Better Watch Out II (2016)
Thriller
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 7.2/10 X  

On a quiet suburban street, a babysitter must defend a twelve-year-old boy from intruders, only to discover it's far from a normal home invasion.

Director: Chris Peckover
Stars: Virginia Madsen, Patrick Warburton, Dacre Montgomery
Action | Adventure | Drama
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 6.6/10 X  

Set in the future in a time of interplanetary colonization, an unlikely pair race against an impending global crisis and are confronted by the monsters that live inside us all.

Director: Shane Abbess
Stars: Kellan Lutz, Daniel MacPherson, Isabel Lucas
Kappa Mikey (TV Series 2006)
Animation | Adventure | Comedy
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 6.5/10 X  

Parody of Japanese anime, featuring a guy named Mikey who travels to Japan to star in an anime, where he discovers his new co-stars are all basically walking anime clichés.

Stars: Jesse Adams, Michael Sinterniklaas, Sean Schemmel
Eat Local (2017)
Action | Horror
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 5.4/10 X  

In a quiet countryside farmhouse, Britain's vampires gather for their once-every-fifty-years meeting. Others will be joining them too; Sebastian Crockett, an unwitting Essex boy who thinks ... See full summary »

Director: Jason Flemyng
Stars: Freema Agyeman, Charlie Cox, Vincent Regan
The Void I (2016)
Horror | Mystery | Sci-Fi
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 5.8/10 X  

Shortly after delivering a patient to an understaffed hospital, a police officer experiences strange and violent occurrences seemingly linked to a group of mysterious hooded figures.

Directors: Jeremy Gillespie, Steven Kostanski
Stars: Aaron Poole, Kenneth Welsh, Daniel Fathers
Drama | Horror | Thriller
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 6.9/10 X  

In the throes of a zombie apocalypse, a troubled woman from Las Vegas with a dark past finds herself stranded in the desert with a lone and ravenous zombie on her tail.

Director: Colin Minihan
Stars: Brittany Allen, Juan Riedinger, Merwin Mondesir
Horror | Sci-Fi
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 4.9/10 X  

Trapped in a damaged cryogenic pod, a man is forced to watch a series of horrific science-fiction tales while his life support systems run out. Featuring eight intense stories of the ... See full summary »

Directors: Dennis Cabella, Javier Chillon, and 10 more credits »
Stars: Olli Banjo, Adam Buller, Michelle Colao
12 oz. Mouse (TV Series 2005)
Animation | Comedy | Thriller
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 6.7/10 X  

In this crudely animated series, a mouse performs odd jobs so he can buy more beer.

Stars: Matt Maiellaro, Adam Reed, Nick Weidenfeld
Edit

Cast

Cast overview, first billed only:
...
Ken
...
Luca
...
Jiggetts
...
Karen
Max Gray Wilbur ...
Rajeeve
...
Randall
...
Willy
...
Penny
...
Margaret
...
Stacy
...
Barney
Matthew Bowerman ...
Rick
...
Alpha Vampire
Travis Hudson ...
Matt
...
Pooky's Dad
Edit

Storyline

Three inept night watchmen, aided by a young rookie and a fearless tabloid journalist, fight an epic battle to save their lives. A mistaken warehouse delivery unleashes a horde of hungry vampires, and these unlikely heroes must not only save themselves but also stop the scourge that threatens to take over the city of Baltimore. Written by The Night Watchmen

Plot Summary | Add Synopsis

Taglines:

Some men were born heroes... It wasn't these guys.

Genres:

Comedy | Horror

Certificate:

See all certifications »

Parents Guide:

 »
Edit

Details

Country:

Language:

Release Date:

4 March 2017 (USA)  »

Filming Locations:


Company Credits

Show detailed on  »

Technical Specs

Runtime:

Color:

See  »
Edit

Did You Know?

Trivia

Filmed in Baltimore Maryland See more »

Frequently Asked Questions

This FAQ is empty. Add the first question.

User Reviews

 
Passable splatter comedy
18 April 2017 | by (the Draconian Swamp of Unholy Souls) – See all my reviews

"The Night Watchmen" is a vampire movie with clowns … but the clowns are the vampires and – in fact – the titular night watchmen are the clowns! Does that make sense? If not, it doesn't matter. It's a horror comedy with the emphasis laying heavily on the comedy part, and although enjoyable enough while it lasts, it's probably one of the least memorable movies you'll ever watch. The script, written by two of the lead actors, contains a few inventive gimmicks and a small handful of genuine laughs, but overall it's a routine and largely uninspired fan-boy movie with the usual splatter effects and infantile fart, weed and bimbo jokes. We're introduced to the four night watchmen of the Baltimore Gazette newspaper building, located somewhere in the harbor. Their job is generally boring and monotonous, so they entertain themselves by peeping at the sexy office ladies, playing human bowling, smoking weed and stealing other people's lunch packets. Tonight will be different, however, because the coffin of a famous dead clown mistakenly ended up at the newspaper building. The clown mysteriously died during a tour in Romania and got repatriated, but he quickly rises from his coffin and goes on a violent killing spree during the one night that everybody stays in the office to work on a deadline. Personally, I think that the concept of eerie vampire clowns entering the USA via the Baltimore harbor and gradually bloodsucking their way through the rest of the country might even have worked as an actual horror movie, complete with atmospheric tension and scary clowns' make-up, but apparently the makers decided it was better to focus on incompetent watchmen instead. Thanks to the copious amounts of fake blood and the exaggeratedly bad acting, "The Night Watchmen" is entertaining enough to watch at a festival or in the company of drunken friends, but don't expect to still be talking about it a week later.


2 of 2 people found this review helpful.  Was this review helpful to you?

Contribute to This Page

Create a character page for:
?