Expiration Date (I) (2014)

Gary Schwartz: Heavy, Demoman

Quotes 

• Spy : [drawing card from Bucket list]  Our first dying wish is Scout's! He's... drawn a picture of me getting hit by a car.

  [examines closely] 

  Spy : I have... something radiating off me.

  Scout : Yeah, those are stink lines.

  [to Heavy] 

  Scout : That's why the car hit 'em: because he smells!

  Spy : Yes, I see.

  [pulls another card] 

  Spy : Here you have drawn me having sexual congress with the Eiffel Tower...

  Scout : Heh heh heh.

  Spy : [pulls another card]  ... Eiffel Tower having sexual congress with me...

  Scout : Heh heh heh.

  Spy : [pulls yet another card]  ... both of us relaxing, post-coitus...

  Demoman : [mouthing]  "Post-coitus"?

  Spy : [continuing]  ... I'm crying and the Eiffel Tower has stink lines coming off of it, did anyone besides Scout put a card into the bucket?

  Scout : Oh man, classic Scout!

  Spy : Fantastic. This was a huge waste of my time.

  Soldier : You did not read mine!

  Scout : [sighs]  Does it say you want the bucket?

  Soldier : Yes!

  Spy : [pushes bucket towards Soldier, lights cigarette]  See you all in Hell.

• Scout : [while everyone is fighting a giant bread monster that came from Soldier's teleporting of bread]  Hey, Miss Pauling. Oh, I am so sorry...

  Miss Pauling : [Looking up from the wires of a bomb cart she is trying to program]  God, Scout, what for? Pressing the one button you're never supposed to press? Do you have any idea what's in a briefcase that -

  [she spots the watch on Scout's arm] 

  Miss Pauling : - Oh, oh! Give me your watch!

  [She holds her hand out expectantly] 

  Scout : Yeah. Exactly!

  [he gives her the watch] 

  Scout : See, that is where this all starts! No, actually, wait...

  Soldier : [he is interrupted by the Soldier screaming and landing nearby them] 

  [proudly] 

  Soldier : HA HA HA! I TELEPORTED BREAD!

  Scout : [the Soldier is grabbed by one of the monster's tentacles and dragged away]  ... so that brings me to the point of this story, which is I like you, and you should probably be sitting for this...

  Miss Pauling : GUYS! CLOSE THE BLAST DOORS!

  Scout : Miss Pauling. Look, my last few hours I just wanted...

  Heavy : [Struggling to keep the blast doors open for them to escape through]  COME ON!

  Scout : Um, never mind...

  Miss Pauling : RUN!