- Leonard Hofstadter: Okay. Now that everyone's here, Penny and I have some big news.
- Penny: We're engaged!
- Raj Koothrappali: Oh my goodness! And I thought me having sex with Emily was going to be the big news.
- [Bernadette, Amy and Howard hug Raj]
- Leonard Hofstadter: Hey, hey. What the hell?
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: You guys propose all the time. This never happens.
- Penny: You're right!
- [Penny and Leonard join the group hug]
- Penny: No, Mom. It's the same guy I've been going out with for the last two years. Yeah, the scientist. Well, it's complicated. I mean, he works with lasers and atomic magnets. No, I did not see it coming. No, we did not set a date. No, I am not pregnant. Yeah, this is a first for our family. All right. Tell Dad I love him. I gotta go. Right. Bye.
- Leonard Hofstadter: So listen. There was something I was hoping to float past you. Now that Penny and I are engaged I thought we might want to talk about our living arrangements.
- Sheldon Cooper: Of course. She has spent many nights here and you're worried about preserving the myth of her virginity before the wedding.
- Leonard Hofstadter: I'm not.
- Sheldon Cooper: Good. Because not only has that ship sailed, if it hit an iceberg countless men would perish.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Actually this is about where she and I are going to live.
- Sheldon Cooper: What do you mean?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Well, well. We might want to live together.
- Sheldon Cooper: Oh yeah, well. I have already given this some thought, and I'm willing to let Penny live with us one day a week for a trial period. Now; obviously not when she's made cranky by the shedding of her uterine lining.
- Leonard Hofstadter: That's very sweet. But we were thinking more of us maybe living together with... not you.
- Sheldon Cooper: I don't understand. How can we all live together if I'm not there?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Look, I know this is, this is a change, and that sounds scary...
- Sheldon Cooper: Where are you going to go?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Well, I don't know. We-we just started to think about this. Maybe I'll move in with Penny or maybe she and I'll take this place and you can move across the hall.
- Sheldon Cooper: Ah wai- Move across the hall? Did you take a marijuana?
- Leonard Hofstadter: No, I did not.
- Sheldon Cooper: Did you get hit on the head with a coconut?
- Leonard Hofstadter: No.
- Sheldon Cooper: Then I'm all out of guesses. What? Me. Move across the hall. Why would even suggest such a thing?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Because I love Penny and I want to give her the life she deserves.
- Sheldon Cooper: I see. You're putting your future bride's happiness above mine.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Well, yeah!
- Sheldon Cooper: Wow.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Sorry I'm late. Our leaf-blower broke, so I had to hand-dry my mother-in-law.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: [about Howard's mother] We have jobs; we can't babysit her twenty-four hours a day.
- Howard Wolowitz: If we use our vacation time?
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: I wanted to go to Hawaii, not hell.
- Stuart Bloom: I don't mean to be rude, Sheldon, but, uh, my life is kind of falling apart right now.
- Sheldon Cooper: Your life? The university is making me do string theory. And my girlfriend loves me so much she wants to live with me. And now, the place I need to go when I'm sad is damp and smells funny.
- Howard Wolowitz: Don't take this the wrong way, but did you do this for the insurance money?
- Stuart Bloom: No. God, you sound like the police, the firemen, my parents, my therapist and the insurance company.
- Penny: We were worried about you.
- Sheldon Cooper: Don't be melodramatic. I'm just getting on a train and leaving forever.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Seriously? You don't even have change of clothes or a toothbrush.
- Sheldon Cooper: My plan is to stop at malls and buy what I need. It's called living off the land.
- Sheldon Cooper: I saw you make this Strawberry Quik with syrup, and you're supposed to use the powder.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: It tastes the same.
- Sheldon Cooper: No! The syrup tastes better, and I don't like it!
- [first lines]
- Leonard Hofstadter: How's your mom holding up?
- Howard Wolowitz: She's doing okay. but we just lost another nurse.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: How many is that now?
- Howard Wolowitz: Two. And I know what you're thinking: she's eating them.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: She's just so impossible, they keep quitting.
- Sheldon Cooper: So, who's watching her now?
- Howard Wolowitz: A bowlful of M&M's with a few Ambien tossed in.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Hey, buddy.
- Sheldon Cooper: Hello.
- Leonard Hofstadter: You okay?
- Sheldon Cooper: I just got called into President Siebert's office. The university won't let me switch my field of study to inflationary cosmology. They're forcing me to continue with string theory.
- Howard Wolowitz: Why?
- Sheldon Cooper: He said it's why they hired me, i-it's what my grant was designated for and that everybody has to do things they don't want to do. He then gave an example of something he had to do even though he didn't want to do which was look at my stupid face.
- Leonard Hofstadter: That's a rude thing to say... out loud.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: This might work out for the best. I mean, you're always complaining what a terrible roommate Leonard is. Like how he turns up the thermostat when you're not there.
- Sheldon Cooper: Ugh. It's like walking into the Amazon. And not the good Amazon with one-day shipping. The awful one with bird and snakes.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: You hate the sound of all those keys on this key chain.
- Sheldon Cooper: Four keys! I mean, who does he think he is, a warden?
- Amy Farrah Fowler: See, maybe you'll love living alone.
- Sheldon Cooper: I don't know. Perhaps.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: And if it turns out you don't... you and I could live together.
- Sheldon Cooper: You and... Oh, sure. While we're at it why don't we get engaged, too. Why don't get a little house, start a family? Enjoy our sunset years together. Do you hear yourself, woman?
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Sheldon, it was just a thought.
- Sheldon Cooper: No, here's a thought. You're not moving in, Leonard's not moving out. Everything stays exactly the way it is.
- Leonard Hofstadter: So, should we talk about setting a date?
- Penny: Well, I'd like to pick one that works with my brother's schedule.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Okay. And when would that be?
- Penny: Uh, 12 to 18 months from now depending on good behaviour.
- Penny: [She was offered the job to care for Howard's mother; next scene, she's storming out of the house] Nope! You can keep your money!
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: [after the door closes] I've ridden a bull longer than that.
- Sheldon Cooper: Leonard, I am overwhelmed. Everything is changing and it's simply too much. I need to get away and think.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Come on. You know you're overreacting.
- Penny: Leonard, hang on. Just come here. Maybe we need to let him go.
- Leonard Hofstadter: What? Why?
- Penny: It might be good for him.
- Leonard Hofstadter: You know he can't take a trip like this by himself.
- Penny: He's a grown man.
- Leonard Hofstadter: No, he looks like a grown man. You've seen "Freaky Friday"; sometimes little kids end up in big person bodies.
- Penny: Leonard, we can't protect him forever.
- Leonard Hofstadter: I know, but...
- Penny: He'll be okay. You taught him well, Padawan.
- Sheldon Cooper: Good Lord. Padawan's the student, not the teacher.
- Penny: Seriously, let him go.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Sheldon, if you really need to do this I'm not gonna stand in your way.
- Sheldon Cooper: I do.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Okay. Good luck.
- Penny: Be safe and call us.
- [Kisses him]
- Sheldon Cooper: I will.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Bye, buddy.
- [he starts to leave]
- Leonard Hofstadter: Sheldon.
- Sheldon Cooper: Yes.
- Leonard Hofstadter: I'm gonna miss you.
- Sheldon Cooper: Of course you are.
- Leonard Hofstadter: He just made that easier.
- [last lines]
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Okay, Sheldon, thanks for checking in. Talk to you tomorrow? O-okay, bye.
- Leonard Hofstadter: He's okay?
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Actually sounds like he's doing pretty well.
- Penny: I really think this is going to be for the best.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Me too. And he was able to take a sabbatical...
- Amy Farrah Fowler: [Hitting Leonard with a cushion] How could you let him go?
- Beverly Hofstadter: Let me save you all of your hemming and hawing. Sheldon already told me that you and Penny are engaged.
- Leonard Hofstadter: I hate that you talk to him more than you talk to me.
- Beverly Hofstadter: Would you like for you and me to talk more?
- Leonard Hofstadter: You know what? It's probably fine.
- Beverly Hofstadter: In any event, while I've had my misgivings about... Penny... Sheldon spoke very fondly of her, and if she is good enough for him, then she's good enough for me.
- Leonard Hofstadter: I'm your son. What about the fact that she's good enough for me?
- Beverly Hofstadter: Sure.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Thanks, Mom.
- Beverly Hofstadter: Leonard, would it make you feel better to hear that your Mother approved of your life choices?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Yes, it would.
- Beverly Hofstadter: Yeah, well, you should work on that.
- Howard Wolowitz: Hang on, I know a place you can stay and earn some money at the same time.
- Stuart Bloom: Great!
- Howard Wolowitz: I just have to warn you it'll involve humiliation, degradation, and verbal abuse.
- Stuart Bloom: So, what's the catch?
- Stuart Bloom: [a lamp and a piece of the ceiling falls to the floor, almost hitting Stuart] That could have killed me!
- Stuart Bloom: Can't catch a break.