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"The Big Bang Theory" The Relationship Diremption (TV Episode 2014) Poster

Quotes

Penny: What's wrong with geology?

Sheldon Cooper: Let me put this in a way you'll understand Penny. You remember how you explained to me that the Kardashians aren't real celebrities? Well, geology is the Kardashians of science.

Penny: OK, I get it. Not all the jibber jabber in the middle. I know what it's like to put your heart and soul into something and get nothing out of it.

Sheldon Cooper: You mean your acting career.

Penny: No.

Sheldon Cooper: Your relationship with Leonard.

Penny: No.

Sheldon Cooper: Your failed attempt to go back to college.

Penny: NO! I'm saying your string theory sounds like a relationship and I know what it's like to be in one and realize it's never going to turn out the way you want.

Sheldon Cooper: I said Leonard. You said no.

Penny: I'm talking about other guys.

Sheldon Cooper: OK. Well. What do you do?

Penny: I just have to have the courage to end the relationship. You know, break it off, shake hands, walk away.

Sheldon Cooper: It suggests that I set these on fire , but the smell of burning books reminds me too much of church picnics in East Texas.

Amy Farrah Fowler: What did you do?

Penny: I gave him a new look. It's cute, huh?

Amy Farrah Fowler: Yeah, it's cute: that's the problem. I don't need other girls to see him walking around like sex on a stick.

Sheldon Cooper: She's right. I'm too hot.

Bernadette Rostenkowski: So Emily. Why did you decide to specialize in dermatology?

Emily: I like cutting people with knives, but all the other jobs where you get to do that are illegal.

Bernadette Rostenkowski: You're kidding, right?

Raj Koothrappali: She's scary, but it's a cute scary.

Sheldon Cooper: I didn't seek out string theory. It just hit me over the head one day.

Amy Farrah Fowler: How did that happen?

Sheldon Cooper: A bully chased me through the school library and he hit me over the head with the biggest book he could find.

Leonard Hofstadter: [In the morning Sheldon walks in with a GEOLOGY book] How you feeling?

Sheldon Cooper: Not so good.

Leonard Hofstadter: Are you going to introduce me to your friend?

Sheldon Cooper: It's not my friend. Nothing happened.

Leonard Hofstadter: I don't know. I heard you reading pretty loud last night.

Sheldon Cooper: Oh dear lord. Where's Amy?

Leonard Hofstadter: After she put you to bed, she went home.

Sheldon Cooper: Oh. I should call her and apologize. Oh no.

Leonard Hofstadter: What?

Sheldon Cooper: Apparently, I called Stephen Hawking last night.

Leonard Hofstadter: I got to tell you the more I read about the primordial gravity wave discoveries the more excited I get.

Raj Koothrappali: So being an astrophysicist right now is like being a rock star.

Howard Wolowitz: Only without the sex.

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Sheldon Cooper: But now I realize I was just a simple country boy seduced by a big city theory with variables in all the right places.

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Leonard Hofstadter: As you sure you want to do this?

Sheldon Cooper: The magazine article suggests that one of the ways to get over a breakup is a new look.

Leonard Hofstadter: What about your old look? Well groomed ventriloquist doll.

Penny: [Using Sheldon as a doll] OH my God. I do look like that!

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Sheldon Cooper: I suppose I could see myself in a scientific boy band - of course I'd be the dreamy one and the smart one.

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Penny: You're up early.

Sheldon Cooper: I couldn't sleep last night.

Penny: I told you those Walking Dead pillow cases were a bad idea.

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Penny: So how do you want your hair cut?

Sheldon Cooper: Bill Gates meets Nikola Tesla.

Leonard Hofstadter: So business in front, science in the back?

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Raj Koothrappali: If we're going to double date, we need to set some ground rules.

Howard Wolowitz: Like when it turns out she's made of rubber, I don't say anything?

Raj Koothrappali: She's very real.

Howard Wolowitz: That's what it says on the box. Right next to "dishwasher safe".

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Howard Wolowitz: I just hope he doesn't blow it.

Bernadette Rostenkowski: What makes you say that?

Howard Wolowitz: It's what he does. Beckham can bend it, Ralph can wreck it, Raj can blow it.

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Leonard Hofstadter: What about loop quantum gravity?

Sheldon Cooper: [High-pitched voice] Ooh, look at me! I'm the duchess! My quantum gravity is so loopy!

Penny: Who's the duchess?

Leonard Hofstadter: One of the people living inside his head.

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Sheldon Cooper: [knock-knock-knock] Empty room.

[Knock-knock-knock]

Sheldon Cooper: Empty room.

[Knock-knock-knock]

Sheldon Cooper: Empty room. If someone says "come in", I'll freak out.

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Emily: All my friends love that story. They call you Clogzilla.

Raj Koothrappali: [laughs] It's funny, because you clogged up her toilet like a radioactive monster.

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Voicemail: Next message.

Sheldon Cooper: It's me again. I gave up string theory. You should give up black holes and we could totally solve crimes together.

Voicemail: Next message.

Sheldon Cooper: You know what's great? Geology! Look at this geode! That's fun to say. Gee-ode. Gee-ode.

Voicemail: Next message.

Sheldon Cooper: Gee-ode. Gee-ode. I kiss girls now.

Voicemail: Next message.

Sheldon Cooper: Hey, guess who I am? Beep-bop-boop-bop! I'm you! Get it?

Voicemail: Next message.

Sheldon Cooper: Are you mad at me? Oh, no! You're mad at me! I'm so sorry! Beep-bop-boop-bop!

Voicemail: Next message.

Sheldon Cooper: Thiospinel sulfide. Thiospinel sulfide. That's even more fun to say than gee-ode. Hey, did you see the new Lego Movie?

Stephen Hawking: What a jackass.

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Barry Kripke: ...there actuawwy was some big stwing theowy news today out of the Hadwon Cowwider.

Sheldon Cooper: Really? Did they find evidence to support extra dimensions or supersymmetry?

Barry Kripke: No, but they did find evidence that you'll bewieve

[laughing]

Barry Kripke: anything.

Sheldon Cooper: Why would you do that? You're a string theorist as well.

Barry Kripke: Incowwect; I am a stwing pwagmatist. I say I'm going to pwove something that cannot be pwoved, I appwy for gwant money, and then I spend it on wiquor and bwoads.

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