- Gary Walsh: What do you think of the new cut, huh? Do you like it?
- Mike McLintock: Of course I don't fucking like it! It's the worst use of scissors since my failed vasectomy!
- Gary Walsh: The elfin look is in right now, I was reading about it.
- Mike McLintock: People don't elect elves, OK? They put them to work in grottos or get them drunk at frat parties so they can toss them.
- Gary Walsh: That's dwarves.
- Amy Brookheimer: If Thornhill strayed once, there may be others. Maybe a crack whore if we're lucky.
- Catherine Meyer: Call me naive, but isn't that unethical?
- Amy Brookheimer: You're naive. Welcome to politics.
- Andrew Doyle: [regarding Selina promising to "repel" immigrants] I think I've endorsed a Nazi!
- Roger Furlong: It'd explain the Hitler haircut!
- Sue Wilson: Well. ma'am, I hope your meeting went well, because the rest of your day is a logistical hell.
- Selina Meyer: Is there any way you can make that sound more appealing?
- Sue Wilson: Well, I could add the word "cookie" on the end for no reason.
- Roger Furlong: Here's my favorite part, where they all pretend like they like each other. Fuck broadway, this is real acting.